Prize Daze
by MrDrP
Summary: Written with Mr. Wizard.  Presentations, alternate realities, vampires, Romans, doppelgangers and more.  It's so much more than an awards show.  Sponsored by Smarty Mart, where smart shoppers shop smart!  COMPLETE
1. It's Showtime!

I.

"The sponsorship fees for this show are outrageous!" Martin Smarty declared.

"Maybe, but this is going to be HUGE!" Jimmy Blamhammer boomed.

"It better be," Martin Smarty said. "For what this show is costing me, I could have bought Bueno Nacho and Cow and Chow."

"Or you could buy my studio," Jimmy said, throwing his arms wide in excitement. "That would be MIND-BLOWING!"

"That's one way of describing the situation," Martin said. "Though if it would get you to use an indoor voice …"

"But this IS my indoor voice!" Jimmy said.

"I concur with the Bald One," Warmonga said. "Your audible projection is of an unnecessary and inappropriate volume."

"Indeed," Monkey Fist agreed, his tone dripping with lordly contempt. "You sound like a common football hooligan."

"Word," a grumpy Yono chimed in.

"Wait a minute," Martin said. "Didn't you go to cartoon Valhalla, you become a statue, and you wind up in the Monkey afterworld?"

"They DID!" Jimmy said. "But this show is so huge that they've come out of retirement for this one event. It's going to be EXPLOSIVE!"

"I plan to wreak my vengeance on the girl one," Warmonga said, her once straight hair now a frazzled mess. "When I am done with her, her fate will make that of the thorgoggle slain for me by Warhok look merciful."

"And I will defeat that buffoonish Pretender once and for all," Monkey Fist declared. "Then I will be Supreme Monkey Ruler!"

"And what about you?" Smarty asked Yono. "What's your whacked hope?"

"I get to do show tunes," answered the somber simian.

II.

"I so cannot believe this," Kim grumbled as she read the message on her wrist Kimmunicator. "Not another awards show!"

"Look at it this way," Ron observed as he stuffed a strudel from the Dementor Family Munitions and Strudel Works into his mouth. "It's a break from the whole German thing." (The two teen heroes had taken up residence in the German town of Mittlerestadt after "Graduation" to be closer to the fan-base whose devotion had earned them an extra season of episodes in order to justify a syndication deal and the chance to head to the stars together.)

Kim arched an eyebrow at her boyfriend. "You seem to be doing just fine with the 'German thing.'"

"Well, the food is hearty," he said before he began to wolf down a wiener schnitzel. "And I'm all about you and the Bavarian look …"

Kim was wearing a traditional German folk dress that flattered her comely figure and her hair was in braided dandles. For reasons she found inexplicable but wholly welcome, her goofy boyfriend found this to be the height of babeliciousness.

"… But these lederhosen pinch!" he exclaimed.

She rolled her eyes, then gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Come on, Herr Boyfriend, we'd better be going if we're going to make the show on time."

"Sounds good to the Ronman," he said before he quaffed a root beer brewed in Munich. "By the way, KP, what are these awards called? I know they've had the Fannies and the Fonnies."

Kim sighed. "The Larrys."

"As in your gamer cousin?" Ron asked.

"The one and only," she sighed.

"Coolio!" he enthused, earning a withering look from the redhead.

A moment later, Kim relented. "Sorry, but this sitch gets weirder."

"How so?"

"The judges," she said, pressing a button on her Kimmunicator and showing Ron the names. "At least I can trust and respect one of them …"

III.

"Ugh, I cannot believe this," Bonnie groused as she looked down the table at her fellow committee members: Larry, who was using his index finger to clean wax from his ear, and Rufus, who was sipping from a naked mole rat-sized Slurpster. "Hairless grossness and the ultimate loser. This is, like, so unacceptable!"

"Not really," Larry said. "If it turns out like Scenario 42."

"Hoo boy," Rufus said to himself.

"What are you talking about?" Bonnie demanded.

"Scenario 42 is when the stuck up Queen Bee winds up falling for the underappreciated so-called geek."

Bonnie's jaw dropped. "You? Me?"

"Righteous, no?"

"As if," she said disdainfully. "Total hotness like me dating someone like you?"

"Hey, Cousin Kim is dating Ron Stoppable."

"That's so not the same," Bonnie retorted.

"How so?" Larry asked. "Cousin Kim's pretty, was captain of the cheer squad, and would have been homecoming queen if you hadn't paid Ron Reiger to rig the results."

"Because she's like a total weirdo, just like Stoppable," she said venomously.

Larry leaned back in his chair and smiled "You want me," he said.

"Puh-leeze," Bonnie sneered. "Why would I want you when I have Junior, who's like all pecs, has fab hair, and is worth a bazillion dollars?"

"Because I'm a Dragon Tamer, Galactic Elder, Dungeon Magus, and Level Five Tachyon Warrior."

"So you're like the world's biggest nerd," Bonnie said

"I'm also the Alpha Dog here," Larry said.

"Uh, excuse me, but if there's a food chain, I'm at the top, not you," Bonnie countered.

"Then why are the awards named after me and not you?"

Bonnie's mouth twitched as she fumbled for a reply.

"Score!" Larry chortled as he gave Rufus a high five. Then he snorted.

"This is so not happening," Bonnie said as her head fell to the table.

_

* * *

Coming very soon: A wholly random, highly subjective, occasionally snarky awards show recognizing stories and authors, real and imagined, from the past year and before. Suggestions for categories and nominees are welcome and may be used or ignored by the Awards Committee, which consists of Cousin Larry, Bonnie Rockwaller and Rufus. Suggestions should be sent to the Committee care of MrDrP._

* * *

KP © Disney

Leave a review, receive a packet of Diablo sauce or a response.


	2. The Gathering Storm

Thanks to captainkodak1, Comet Moon, sharper1988, MaceEcam, Bubbahotek, Quathis, spectre666, RabulaTasa, CajunBear73, JCS1966, Shockwave88, Eddy13, Mr. Wizard, screaming phoenix, Katsumara, Sentine103, whitem, Captain IT, Molloy, , and Joe Stoppinghem for reviewing and to everyone for reviewing.

KP © Disney

* * *

A/N: Yes, I know this isn't Friday. The update schedule for Prize Daze will be as random as the story itself, which I'm writing on the fly.

* * *

Bonnie looked at Larry with unconcealed disdain. "I cannot believe you're wearing that. In public."

"It will make some of the fans jealous, won't it?" Larry said with pride as he admired his purple cape.

"Jealous wasn't exactly the word I had in mind, you froob," she sneered. "At least Stoppable's freaky pet knows how to dress."

"Thanks," squeaked Rufus as he adjusted his bowtie.

Bonnie, Rufus, and Larry were backstage, awaiting the arrival of Kim and Ron. The snarky brunette was wearing a teal-colored Sperlucci evening gown; Rufus sported a black tuxedo jacket, white shirt, and red bow tie; and Larry was garbed in the height of Iosian fashion: Senator Olthar's uniform, correct in every detail right down to the purple (not silver) cape.

"Okay, people, it's just about show time," Jimmy Blamhammer said as he breezed in, his head down as he read a message on his BlueBerry®. Done with the latest communication from one of his fellow movie moguls, he shifted his attention to the awards panel and boomed, "You look AMAZING!"

"Well, when you're as beautiful as I am …" Bonnie said with manifestly false modesty.

"The helmet, the boots, the CAPE! You look like you walked right off the SET!"

Bonnie's jaw dropped, Larry preened, and Rufus slapped his forehead with his paw.

Meanwhile, two teen heroes made their inside the building. "They'd so better have a change of clothes," Kim grumbled as she and Ron headed down the corridor.

"Even if they don't, you'll still be the finest fraulein around," the tow-headed teen observed approvingly.

"So appreciate the compliment," Kim said with an appreciative smile as she opened a door. "But if Bonnie ever sees me in this get-up, it's humiliation nation."

"And you can be its president, K," the snarky brunette sneered with delight as the two teen heroes arrived.

"Oh, great," Kim groaned as he gaze settled on her former classmate. "This is so not happening."

"Greetings, Cousin!" Larry said. "Righteous duds, Ron."

"Back atcha, Lar!" Ron replied. "And Rufus, you are da man!"

"Thanks," the mole rat squeaked.

Bonnie was about to launch another verbal assault when Jimmy stepped in front of her and threw his arms wide open. "I LOVE THOSE OUTFITS!"

"Actually, we were hoping we could wear something a little bit less Teutonic," Kim said.

"Are you INSANE? People will be talking about this for years."

"That's what I'm worried about," Kim retorted.

"I'll double whatever it is you're being paid," Jimmy said. "So how about it?"

"I don't know …"

"We're all about dressing like Günter and Gretel for the greenbacks," Ron said.

"Ron! Maybe you don't care how you look in public, but I do."

"Kim, Kim, Kim," he said as he wrapped his arm around his girlfriend. "First off, think of it as a shout-out to our badical fans in Germany. Second, double pay means more Claude for you to spend at Club Banana. And third, after they've been on TV, our threadage will sell for a fortune on eBid."

"I still don't know."

"Okay, how about you gotta feel good knowing that even dressed like a dorkette from Dusseldorf you still look way better than Bon-Bon in her ten thousand dollar designer duds?"

"I think that works," Kim said as she gave her beau a buss on the cheek while Bonnie seethed, then turned to Jimmy. "Okay, we'll do it."

"FANTASTIC!"

"I don't even see why it matters what they wear," Bonnie sniffed. "We're the stars, after all."

"Actually, I think I'm the star and you're a sidekick," Larry said. "And while I'd rather have a Garnallian warrior having my back, you'll do."

Bonnie's left eye began to twitch.

"Hoo boy," Rufus said.

"You're ALL the stars," Jimmy said placatingly. "You three will do the judging while Kim and Ron will do the presentations. The audience will eat it up."

"Might I suggest that while those three render verdicts on the hapless fools being recognized in this pathetic charade, instead of doing the presentations, Miss Possible and the Pretender do the suffering."

"Monkey Fist!" Ron exclaimed when he heard the supercilious voice of his aristocratic arch-foe.

"Aren't you supposed to be a statue in DNAmy's living room?" Kim asked.

Monkey Fist responded with a shudder, then replied, "Narrative exigencies required my return. And now that I am here, I shall destroy Stoppable and finally claim my rightful place as the Supreme Monkey Ruler.

"Dude, give it up," Ron said. "I'm the Monkey Master and you're not. Sign, sealed, delivered, buh-bye."

"We shall see about that," Monkey Fist hissed.

"And while you deal with the Boy One, I will finally defeat the Girl One," Warmonga said as she strode in, pushing aside the simian-loving nobleman. "Though that costume she is wearing might be punishment enough," she added after she saw what her red-headed foe was wearing.

"And you're offering fashion critiques, why?" Kim retorted as she considered the nine foot-tall alien's gauche battle bikini, arm bands, and tattoos.

"She's got you there, Big Gal," Ron chimed in before he began to rub the back of his neck. "By the way, didn't I, uh …"

"Terminate my life and that of my battlemate?"

"Uh, yeah," he said sheepishly. "But I didn't want to do it! You'd just threatened to make my girlfriend a wall ornament and tried to take over the hood and …"

"Do not worry," Warmonga said with surprising insouciance.

"But, but … you .. and the ship … and the ka-boominess!"

"Warhok and I did originally suffer cartoon deaths," she explained. "However, due to the requirements of this story, our demise was downgraded to interdimensional displacement."

"So we're Chauncey then?" Ron asked hopefully.

"No," Warmonga replied icily. "My hair remains untamable as an unruly thorgoggle and Warhok finds he must remain close to the Little Galactic Conqueror's Room at all times for reasons it would be indelicate to divulge."

"Well, I guess I better monkey up then," Ron sighed.

"It is not you with whom I will do battle, but her," Warmonga said, pointing to Kim. "She was the first to disgrace me. It is only by vanquishing her that I shall reclaim my honor."

"I took you down once, I'll do it again. Bring," Kim said as she dropped into a fighting stance.

"Ladies, ladies," Jimmy implored. "Hold your horses," he said to Kim, "or whatever it is you people have on your planet," he said to Warmonga. "The big fights aren't supposed to happen yet."

"Very well. If it is necessary, I shall delay the Girl One's defeat."

"You? Defeat me?" Kim said. "As if."

"As if if," Ron said supportively.

"Look, nobody cares about your stupid fights," Bonnie said. "Let's just get on with this freak show so I can go home and have Junior take me shopping with his new National Express Plutonium card."

"I have to agree," Larry concurred. "As Olthar said in _Return to Ios_," the nerdiest member of Clan Possible declared with gusto,"'Let the Bixborkle Games begin!'"

_To Be Continued …_


	3. The Reviews Are In

Thanks to Love Robin, Comet Moon, spectre666, sharper1988, JCS1966, Eddy13, Katsumara, Mr. Wizard, CajunBear73, screaming phoenix, Captain IT, Quathis, whitem, Thomas Linquist, Sentinel103, and Shrike176 for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Thanks to campy for beta and proofreading this chapter.

KP © Disney

Kim and Ron strode out to the center of the stage and to the podium. They had agreed that Kim would speak first. Much to Ron's surprise, Kim froze.

"You okay, KP?"

The red-headed heroine blinked, then turned to her boyfriend. "Sorry, graduation flashback."

"Don't worry, Kimbo," Ron said as he wrapped an arm around his girlfriend. "I've got your back."

"Thanks," she said, before she looked into the camera and began to speak with renewed confidence. "Welcome to the first-ever Larry Awards …"

"Sponsored by my main man, Martin Smarty, founder of Smarty Mart, where smart shoppers shop smart!" Ron interjected.

"… The Larrys recognize stories, authors, and other notable aspects of the world of Kim Possible Fan Fiction. Without you, authors and readers alike, we wouldn't be here tonight. Your imagination and creativity has taken us to places we couldn't even begin to imagine."

"Not that that's always a good thing," Ron grumbled.

"Ron!"

"Two words, Kim: Drakkim."

"I think that's one word," she said. "Though I so agree with you on that one," she added with a shudder. "And don't even get me started on how many flavors of wrong Kigo is."

"And Ron/Monkey Fist pairings! Sick and Wrong! Wrong-sick I tell you!"

"Hello!" Bonnie called from the side of the stage. "Like anybody cares about the love lives of you or your loser boyfriend!"

"Watch it, B, or we'll encourage one of those overly imaginative authors to have Junior dump you and ship you with DNAmy," Kim snapped.

"But our skin complexions would clash! And she isn't beautiful like me! And, and she's a girl! Sort of!" Bonnie shrieked. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Check my motto," Kim said. "I can do anything! Now apologize for calling Ron a loser."

"Fine, I'm sorry." Bonnie relented grudgingly. "Now can you just, like, introduce us?"

"Ooo! Ooo! Can I do the intros, KP?"

"Sure, Ron," she said, stepping aside.

"Our bon-diggety judges for the Larrys are:

"The amazing Rufus, indispensible member of Team Possible, cheese aficionado, and lord of Everlot."

"You're the Tunnel Lord?" an awestruck Larry asked.

"Uh huh," Rufus squeaked.

"I am not worthy to be in your presence, O Great One," Larry fawned, causing Rufus to blush.

"Next to my main mole rat is Cousin Larry, role player extraordinaire and all-around good guy."

"Thanks, Ron!" Larry said.

"Sure thing, big guy," Ron replied to Kim's cousin before he looked back into the camera. "Last but not least, we have the beautiful Bonnie Rockwaller."

"Ron," Kim growled.

"Of course she's not as pretty as my beautilicious girlfriend, Kim Possible!" he added hastily

"Nice recovery, Captain Romance," Kim said with a smirk.

"Thanks," he said, tugging at his collar. "Should I continue?"

Kim nodded.

"Bonnie is a prima donna …"

"Stoppable!" Bonnie yelled.

"Uh, I mean prima ballerina and, uh, well I better just quit while I'm behind …"

Kim rolled her eyes and was taking Ron's place behind the microphone when her wrist Kimmunicator beeped. "What up, Wade?"

"Hi, Kim. I thought you should know you're getting an unusually large number of hits on your web-site."

"Please tell me this doesn't involve the pan dimensional vortex inducer."

"No."

"I know. I bet it's Ray X?" Ron suggested.

"Sorry, Ron, but you're cold," Wade quipped. Sensing his joke had fallen flat, he continued, "It's an impatient reader who wants to know if some actual awards are going to be given out."

"Of course we're going to give out some awards," Kim said. "It's what we do."

"Yeah, this story is going to be lousy with awards," Ron added.

"Okay. You want me to let the reader know?"

"Please and thank you," Kim said cheerfully to her tech guru before she ended the call. Then she smiled into the camera. "Our first award tonight recognizes the unsung heroes of the fan fiction world."

"The reviewers!" Ron said.

"I think it's fair to say that every author, whatever the 'ship, whatever the genre, appreciates the time and effort readers take to submit a review, whether short or long," Kim said.

"Okay, that's like enough with the introduction, K," Bonnie snipped. "The audience wants to see us."

"Good thing Bonnie's got the Mean Guy thing down," Ron said _sotto voce_ to Kim, who struggled to stifle a giggle.

"I heard that, Stoppable!" Bonnie said.

"If Bonnie's the Mean Guy," Larry asked, "does that mean I'm the Supportive Record Producer or the Bubbly Pop Star?"

Rufus jumped on the table, rubbed his chin and mulled over the question. He looked at Larry and considered the nineteen year-old's costume. "Pop Star!" Rufus squeaked.

"Really?"

Rufus nodded.

"To be honest, I always imagined myself as the Rogue Wizard."

"Whatever," Bonnie groaned. "Can we move this geek fest along?"

"Chill out, Bonnie," Larry said. "This is a momentous occasion: the awarding of the first Larry ever!"

"I'm, like, so excited," she said without enthusiasm.

"You should be," Larry replied. "This is a whole new scenario. No reviewer has even been recognized before. We will need to discuss this in secrecy amongst ourselves."

"Uh, hello you loser, but we're on a stage in public!" Bonnie snarked. "This isn't exactly a private location."

"We may be on a stage, but we'll have all the privacy we need, thanks to this," Larry announced as he pressed a button. Much to the surprise of Bonnie and Rufus, not to mention Kim and Ron, a transparent cube emblazoned with the Smarty Mart logo descended from the rafters and enclosed the three judges.

Ron and Kim watched as Bonnie began to gesticulate wildly and appeared to shriek while Larry reclined in his chair and Rufus began to nibble on some of the cheese that had thoughtfully been left for him.

"Coolio!" Ron said. "A Cube of Quiet!"

"That has Hencho written all over it," Kim said disapprovingly.

"Uh, KP, I know you're the honor roll student here but I'm pretty sure that's the Smarty Mart logo."

Kim looked at Ron and cocked her eyebrow. "I was speaking metaphorically."

"Gotcha," Ron said sheepishly before he added, "Is Bonnie making a move on Larry?"

"That is so many flavors of wrong," Kim observed as Bonnie cupped Larry's face in her hands.

"Oh, wait, that makes more sense," Ron said as it became clear Bonnie was holding Larry's face in place so he couldn't evade her scolding, which continued for a good ten minutes and didn't stop even as the cube finally began to rise upwards.

"You froob!" Bonnie yelled at Larry. "What were you thinking?"

"We needed to keep our discussions secret," he said. "You have to admit, the Cube worked."

"You are such a freak," Bonnie snapped.

"So," Kim interrupted, "do you have a winner for us?"

"Uh huh!" Rufus interjected.

"Ugh.

"And the winner is …" Larry announced.

"CajunBear73," Bonnie said, shoving Larry aside. "He's reviewed, like, every Kim Possible fan fiction ever written."

"Well, congratulations, Cajun," Kim said. "Our thanks to you and every reviewer for taking the time to let fan fic writers know what you think about their stories!

"So, what's next?" Ron asked.

"Next up … oh, this is so not good," she said with concern.

"What's wrong, KP?"

Kim handed Ron a card.

"Oh man …"

_To Be Continued …._


	4. It's All in the Name

Thanks to Love Robin, Comet Moon, campy, Ran Hakubi, whitem, sharper1988, Shockwave88, spectre666, Quathis, JCS1966, Katsumara, Eddy13, Mr. Wizard, Shrike176, screaming phoenix, CajunBear73, Sentinel103, Captain IT, daccu65, and Joe Stoppinghem for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

* * *

Special thanks to campy for beta and proofreading this chapter.

* * *

The Yono walked onto the darkened stage, microphone in hand.

Ron trembled and, while Kim wouldn't readily admit to being afraid, she, too, was scared by what she saw.

It wasn't so much that the Destroyer was present; after all, Team Possible had defeated him once and could surely do so again. But what they feared they were about to witness wasn't an exercise of malignant power by the evil simian. It was something far, far worse.

The Yono, now illuminated by a spot, cleared his voice.

Kim and Ron held hands and braced themselves, hoping beyond hope that the Destroyer's costume was part of a cleverly plotted deception.

"Ugh!" Bonnie cried out. "Would someone tell me why that monkey is dressed like Kim and Ron?"

Yono, dressed in traditional Austrian garb, turned and glared at Bonnie, raised his paw, and turned her into stone.

"Okay, maybe this situation has an upside," Ron observed.

"Ron!" Kim objected.

"What, you're telling me you haven't imagined a world in which there's no more snark or dissing from Bon-Bon?"

"Well …" Kim said, ashamed that she could see a silver lining in the fate that had just been visited upon her erstwhile cheerleading rival. "Still, it's wrong."

"Sick and wrong, but quiet," Ron conceded as the Destroyer glowered at them. The tow-headed teen grinned nervously at the menacing monkey. "Yo, Dude, looking good!"

The Yono, still scowling, turned away from a relieved Team Possible, and once again cleared his throat.

"_Edelweiss, Edelweiss_ …" he began to croon.

"The horror, the horror," Ron stammered.

"This is so many flavors of wrong," Kim agreed as the Destroyer continued to sing the poignant song from Rodgers and Hammerstein's beloved musical masterpiece _The Sound of Music_:

"_Every morning you greet me  
Small and white clean and bright  
You look happy to meet me  
Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow  
Bloom and grow forever  
Edelweiss, Edelweiss  
Bless my homeland forever."  
_

"Man, am I glad that's over," Ron said just as the Yono spun around and faced Kim and Ron.

"You," said the Destoryer.

"Do you think that's a good you or a bad you?" Ron asked.

"When is anything said by a Dark Destroyer ever a good thing?" Kim retorted.

"Hey, there has to be a first, right?" Ron offered, eliciting a skeptical expression from his girlfriend.

"The Yono needs choral backup," he declared.

"You want us to sing?" Ron asked.

"You so can't be serious," Kim added.

"Rock with me or rock you be," the Yono threatened.

"Well, since we know I can hit the high notes …" Kim said.

"And I'm all about the show tunes!" Ron quickly added.

The two teens took up position behind the Destroyer and all three began to sing:

_"Small and white clean and bright  
You look happy to meet me  
Blossom of snow may you bloom and grow  
Bloom and grow forever  
Edelweiss, Edelweiss  
Bless my homeland forever."_

The song over, the Yono pointed to the camera with index fingers extended and said, "Word," then headed off stage, stopping by the judges' table to return Bonnie to her normal state, before he disappeared behind the curtain.

"Kooky," Ron said.

"Understatement much?" Kim observed.

"So, what's next?" Ron wondered.

"I guess it's time for another award," Kim said.

"Oh,oh! Let me guess," Ron said enthusiastically. "Best song fic!"

"Not a bad guess," Kim said. "But that comes later."

"Okay, I've got nothing," Ron said. "If it's not a song fic, what is it?"

"Only one episode of the series had a palindromic title …"

"Uh, KP, in case Bonnie doesn't know what a palindrome is …"

"I heard that Stoppable!" Bonnie yelled. "Everybody knows a palindrome is, like, a super exclusive mall, the kind Kim could never hope to get into."

"Nice try, B," Kim said with a smirk. "But a palindrome is a word, phrase, sentence paragraph, or verse that reads the same backwards as forwards."

"Coolio!" Ron said. "So, uh, where were we?"

"The only episode title of the show to be a palindrome was _Oh No! Yono!_"

"Excuse me, Cousin, but is that really a palindrome?" he asked pedantically. "If you spell it out …"

Rufus poked Larry in the arm. "Phonetic palindrome," the mole rat squeaked.

"I see," Larry said. "Righteous!"

Bonnie sat with her elbow on the table and her face resting in the palm of her head. "This is so unfair. We're wasting time on school words when the cameras could be focusing on me!"

Kim sighed. "This isn't all about you, Bonnie."

"Whatever," the brunette complained.

"Uh, you mind my asking, KP, but what is it about?" Ron asked.

"It's all about the 'Oh, No! Yono Palindromic Author Name Award'," Larry answered as he began to open an envelope with a flourish. "And the winner is … Mace Ecam!"

"Congratulations, big guy," Ron said. "The competition must have been fierce."

"Uh, no, not really," Larry admitted.

"What do you mean?" Kim asked.

"He wasn't competing in this category."

"Excuse me?" Kim asked.

"Who was?" Ron asked.

"Nobody. To be honest, Mace wanted to win the award for most wrong-sick story, something he's writing about Cousin Kim and Doctor Drakken ..."

"Okay, that's ferociously wrong-sick," Kim said as the idea of her and her dad's blue-skinned college classmate as an item gave her a bad case of the belly flips.

"But not as wrong-sick as The Story That Shall Not be Named," Larry said.

Kim blanched. "You don't mean …

"The one with KP and …" Ron said.

Larry nodded solemnly.

"Sick and wrong! Sick and wrong!" Ron cried out.

"Most def sick and wrong," a still-pale Kim concurred. "I think I need some fresh air."

"One grande-sized order of fresh air coming up," Ron said as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder

"Wait a minute, Ron," Kim said. "We can't leave the show. We're the emcees!"

"Don't you worry, girl," Monique said as she strode out on the stage in a stunning red dress of her own design.

"Mon!" Kim cried in delight as she embraced her best girlfriend. "It's so good to see you!"

"You too, Kim," Monique replied. "Though I can't say the same about that Bavarian fashion disaster you're wearing. Maybe you can change while you're taking your break."

"That's a spankin' idea," Kim said as she took her boyfriend's hand and led him off the stage.

Monique watched as her two friends departed, then shook her head when she heard Ron say from behind the curtains, "Aw, c'mon, KP, I like my German future hat!"

_To Be Continued …_

* * *

KP © Disney

"Edelweiss" © Estates of Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II


	5. When Pigpucks Fly

Thanks to Shockwave88, Katsumara, JCS1966, CajunBear73, campy, Mr. Wizard, Captain IT, Comet Noon, Shirke176, Eddy13, Sentinel103, Quathis, screaming phoenix, Joe Stoppinghem, Love Robin, sharper1988, Danny-171984, Thomas Linquist, and whitem for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for beta- and proofreading this chapter.

Leave a review and I'll send a reply.

KP © Disney; Original characters © the author

* * *

Monique looked around the stage, then settled her gaze on the judges' table. "Now what?"

"You're supposed to announce the winner of the next category," Larry said. He then looked down at some papers before him. "However, you're supposed to have a co-presenter. He should be here—"

A terrified, wild-eyed Assistant Key Grip whose name, Barton Smarty, and relationship to the Larry Awards sponsor, had absolutely _NOTHING _to do with his having secured an otherwise hard-to-obtain job on this production, bolted across the stage, waving his arms, screaming. "Aiiieee! Run for your lives! It's the end of the world!"

"That's my line!" Steve Barkin yelled from somewhere behind the curtain.

Moments later, the cause of Barton's terror swaggered onto stage. "Wariggle!" bellowed a nine-foot-tall Lorwardian wearing a college football helmet and jersey.

"Whatever," Bonnie said wearily as she painted her nails.

"Wariggle will NOT be ignored," the alien avowed as he slammed his large hands down before Bonnie, causing the brunette to misapply her nail polish.

"Ugh, watch what you're doing, you loser!" she snapped as she looked at her mussed-up nails.

"Wariggle is NOT a loser. I am Victor of the Battle of the Moons of Wroxon, conqueror of the Balusta-10 system, and three-time winner of my office's Fantasy Planetary Invasion League."

"Cool!" Larry gushed. "Do you think I could join that league?"

Wariggle considered Larry, then shrugged. "Since Warhok appears to be indisposed, there might be an open spot …"

"Righteous!" Larry said before he snorted twice.

"Then again, the league may be full after all."

"Okay, look, I don't care about your outer space nerd games," Bonnie said. "Can we just, like, get on with this?"

"I'm with Bon-Bon on this," Monique said. "Though I have to ask a question …"

"What?" the alien demanded.

"Why are you styling the football duds?"

"Watching transmissions from your pathetic planet, I learned of football, one of your pathetic species' few commendable achievements. I wear these garments in honor of the greatest leader of this sport, Cub Cryant."

"My co-presenter is an alien football fanboy?" Monique asked incredulously. "This is TWFW!"

"TWFW?" Larry asked.

"Too whacked for words," Rufus chittered in explanation.

"Thanks," Larry replied.

Rufus took a bow in response.

"Call me scrub magnet," Monique sighed. With an air of resignation, she then asked, "So, just what category are Sports Boy and I supposed to be presenting for?"

"Best Story with a Gridiron Theme," he answered.

"Like anyone cares," Bonnie said grouchily.

"Girl, you're still as sweet as ever," Monique observed caustically.

"Not that she was ever that sweet," Brick said as he ambled onto the stage in a black tux with red tie.

"Brick?" Bonnie sputtered.

"Hey, Monique," he said as he joined the style diva at the podium. "You wanna hang?"

Monique looked from Wariggle to Brick and grinned. "Me like," she said as she appraised the former Middleton football hero and concluded that she still liked what she saw.

"Cool," he replied.

"Uh, hello?" Bonnie snapped. "What about me?"

"What about you?" Brick asked.

"We dated!"

"Hello! Why aren't you pining for me?"

"College has made me smarter?" he suggested with a shrug.

"That is GNFM!" Monique said with satisfaction.

"Let me guess," Brick said eagerly. "Go Now, Fry Moose!"

"I see college hasn't made you that much smarter," Monique said with a smirk.

Brick's shoulders sagged.

"But don't worry," Monique said encouragingly. "GNFM means 'Good news for Monique.'"

"Really?" he said hopefully.

Monique nodded. "Baby boy, you are looking mighty fine – and that's even before I compare you with Big, Tall, and Ugly here."

"Awesome!" Brick said with an endearingly bovine grin. "So, you want to get a burger or something after the show?"

"Wariggle will NOT be ignored!" the nine-foot-tall alien exploded.

"Chill out," Brick suggested.

"Wariggle will NOT chill," he replied. "This outrage will NOT stand."

"Look, I'm all flattered that you like me and all," Monique said, "but you're not my type."

"What are you talking about?" Wariggle said. "I do not like you."

"Then what's your damage?"

"I, not this puny human, will co-present the award for Best Story With a Gridiron Theme."

Monique and Brick exchanged a glance and grinned. "How about I let you have all the glory for yourself?" she asked.

Wariggle contemplated her offer, then nodded. "That will be acceptable."

"Good, then Brick and I are out of here," Monique said.

"You can't do this!" Bonnie wailed. "He's my ex-boyfriend!"

"Girl, what's your damage?" Monique said. "You have Junior."

"But that's not, like, the point," Bonnie huffed. "Brick's supposed to be inconsolable after I dumped him!"

"Uh, Bonnie," he said, shuffling his feet. "I dumped you."

"Oh, great, go to college and get all self-confident!" she snapped. "You'll regret this!"

Brick looked from Bonnie to Monique. "Nah, I don't think so," he said before he extended his arm for his co-presenter-turned-date. "Hey, is it true you like GWA?"

"Pain King rules!" Monique squealed.

Brick grinned. "That's what I was telling Coach! But he thinks …" he said as they walked off stage.

Meanwhile, Wariggle adjusted his helmet. Then he opened an envelope and cleared his throat.

"The finalists for "Best Story With a Gridiron Theme" are:

"_School Days_, by Captainkodak1,

"_Way Too Old School_, by Mr. Wizard,

"And _Mad Dogs and Tigers_, by Sharper1988."

"And the winner is …

"All of the above?

"I do not understand," Wariggle said. "There should be a victor."

"Actually, all delivered the goods on football knowledge," Larry explained. "So, when it came time to make a decision, we punted."

"That is so lame," Bonnie sniped as Larry laughed and snorted at his own joke and Rufus groaned.

"Hey, guys, anyone seen KP?" Ron said as he walked on stage, two food bags in hand.

"I thought you and Cousin Kim were going to change costumes," Larry said.

"We were, but then I heard the most badical sound ever – a mobile taqueria," an awestruck Ron said as he looked at Rufus. "That's right, Little Buddy – the Bueno has gone mobile! We'll never have to look for Buenoliciousness again because it's going to come look for us. The dream has come true!"

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "You are such a loser, Stoppable," she snarked. "Possible finally came to her senses and, like, ditched you."

"You got me with that trading up junk once, Bon-Bon," Ron countered. "No way Kim would dump the Ronman. Still, I wonder where she is?"

Everyone was pondering Ron's question when two nattily dressed men walked onto stage and to the Judges' Table.

"Excuse me," Bonnie sniffed. "But you're blocking the camera."

"That's the least of your worries," Twill said before he looked knowingly at Tweed, who pulled out his badge.

Larry began to giggle. "The cops!" he said with glee.

"We're not just the cops, son," Twill said evenly. "We're the fashion police." The dapper law enforcement officer looked at Larry's ensemble and nodded approvingly. "Coordinated helmet and cape with perfectly complemented colors." Then he looked at Ron's Teutonic outfit. "Authentic Bavarian lederhosen with matching Tyrolian future hat."

"Expected to be all the rage next year," Tweed said.

"You mean I'm ahead of the curve?" Ron said in wonder. "Coolio!"

Twill then turned his attention to Rufus. "Black tuxedo jacket with red tie," he observed. "Classic ensemble for the pocket pet."

The naked mole beamed.

"What about me?" Bonnie impatiently.

"Bonnie Rockwaller," Tweed replied, "You're under arrest for wearing an exceedingly poor excuse of a Fashionista knock-off of a 2008 Sperlucci original."

"What?" she shrieked. "Noooo!"

Twill looked at her with barely concealed disdain. "You ought to be ashamed …"

_To Be Continued …_


	6. Kimnapped!

Thanks to Comet Moon, sharper1988, spectre666, Katsumara, captainkodak1, JCS1966, Mr. Wizard, CajunBear73, campy, Love Robin, Quathis, Eddy13, Shockwave88, Shrike176, screaming phoenix, Sentinel103, whitem, Joe Stoppinghem, Captain IT, Molloy, and Danny-171984 for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Thanks to campy for proofreading.

KP © Disney; original characters © the author

Leave a review and I'll send a response.

* * *

I.

"I am not liking this," a frowning Ron said as he returned to the judges' table. "It's like KP's vanished."

"Maybe she finally decided to flake on you while she still had some reputation to protect," Bonnie observed snidely.

"You're just jealous because Kim has a boyfriend and badical Bavarian fashionage."

"Oh puh-leeze," Bonnie said. "If anyone's going to be arrested by these losers for committing a fashion crime, it should be K, not me."

"Watch the lip, Miss," Tweed advised. "You're already in enough trouble."

"This is so unfair!" she complained.

"Actually, that could be an interesting scenario," Larry suggested. "It reminds me of the Imperial Trial sequence from _Cosmic Battles: Episode Four and a Half: Return of the Revenge Strikes Back_."

"Hoo boy," Rufus said as he palmed his little forehead.

"Hey, wait a minute," Ron exclaimed. "Lar's onto something. You guys are cops – you could find KP!"

"We'd love to help," Twill said. "But we're not just cops. We're Fashion Police. If what Miss Rockwaller says is true, we'd have to take her into custody when we found her."

"Aw man," Ron whined. "Could you at least help me look for some clues?"

Twill and Tweed exchanged a look and nodded. "We can do that. And we can also call in some backup."

II.

"Oy," Shego groaned. "What fresh hell is this?"

The glamorous villainess' question was eminently reasonable given that the last thing she recalled was being at an exclusive resort on a Greek isle heading out to Midas' massage table. Now she was wearing a wedding dress standing at the front of a chapel – and an identically dressed Kim Possible was standing by her side.

"Shego," Kim hissed.

"Nice dress," Shego snarked. "If you lost twenty pounds."

"So not funny," retorted Kim. "Now what's the stinkin' sitch?"

"I'm as clueless as you, Pumpkin," Shego said with a shrug. "Last thing I remember, Doctor D and I were chilling in the Aegean. You?"

"Ron and I were at an awards show."

"An awards show? Last I heard you and Stoppable were in Germany."

"We were. We're going to college in Munich."

"Munich?"

"Long story short: our German fans rock and we owed it to them to be nearby."

"Yet now we're here," Shego groused. "Do you know how hard it is to get an appointment with Midas?"

"Focus, Shego," Kim said, rubbing her chin. "It looks like we're in another one of those Kigo stories."

"Gee, ya think?" Shego said sarcastically.

"Something's so not right here," Kim said, ignoring her nemesis.

"No, really?" Shego mocked. "You and me together is never right!"

"I know that," Kim said. "I mean our being here, like this. It's like whatever nightmare story we're in is on pause."

Shego looked around and realized that other than her dialog with Kim, nothing was actually happening.

"You got a point."

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"I said goodbye to Doctor D, left our suite, and was heading down to the spa for a massage."

"Hmm. I was alone backstage after Ron went to the mobile taqueria," Kim said, sure she was onto something. Then her eyes opened wide. "Wait a minute. 'Our suite'? You mean you and Drakken …"

"Stoppable's not the only sidekick with a love life, Kimmie. I assume you and the buffoon are still smacking lips."

"Ron is NOT a buffoon," Kim snapped before her expression softened. "And, yes, we're still smacking lips."

"Great," Shego said caustically as she looked at the dreamy look on the teen hero's face. "Now that we've confirmed you still have no taste in men—"

"Watch it, Shego."

"Or what? You'll hit me with your bridal bouquet?"

Kim looked down at the flowers in her hands, then at the ones in Shego's; those soon went up in a puff of smoke when the glamorous henchwoman ignited her glow power. The teen hero growled in frustration. "This is all so ferociously weird. I so wish we knew what was going on."

III.

"Officer Hobble, good to see you," Twill said.

"The aviator glasses are an excellent complement to your uniform," Tweed observed as he extended a hand.

"Thanks," the genial policeman said as he shook hands with the Fashion Police. "So, any leads on Miss Possible yet?"

"Rufus found this," Ron said as he handed Hobble a business card.

Hobble grimaced. "This is not good," he said as he looked at three embossed letters: S O S.

"How not good?" Ron asked.

Hobble sighed. "S O S is a confederation of like-minded individuals committed to changing the very nature of our beings and to altering the fabric of our space-time continuum to suit their preferences."

"Don't tell me these guys have the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer," Ron said.

"Even worse," Hobble said. "They have keyboards."

Everyone gasped.

"You mean they're …" Bonnie whispered.

"Fan fiction writers," Hobble confirmed, his expression grim.

"Aw man, now what do we do?" Ron said.

"I'm going to need help," Hobble said. "And I know just where to get it. If you'll excuse me."

"You going back to the station?" Ron asked.

"No," Hobble answered as he turned to leave the stage. "The donut shop."

"Look, while I'm normally all about the crullers, the snackage can wait," an agitated Ron said. "Kim needs our help – now!"

"Don't worry," Hobble said reassuringly to Ron. "This isn't an ordinary donut shop. It's a pan-dimensional donut shop."

"Okay, in case Rufus doesn't understand …" the tow-headed teen said, earning a dark look from his little friend and a cocked eyebrow from Hobble.

"The pan-dimensional donut shop is the meeting place for law enforcement officers from every universe."

"So you're going to go there to get help?"

"Exactly," Hobble said. "The person we need comes from a different reality. I'm going to get her."

That he also planned to enjoy the best double-glazed donut in this or any other universe, he left unmentioned …

IV.

"What's going on is that you're here to begin your new lives together," an unfamiliar voice said.

Kim and Shego both turned to see three men. The speaker was middle-aged and carried himself with great assurance, even cockiness. The individual on his right was college-aged and wore glasses while the one on his left appeared to be in his mid-thirties with thinning hair.

"And you would be?" Kim asked.

"SOS, the Sons of Sappho," The middle-aged man smiled. "We're just some fans who want to help."

"Well, you can help by sending me back to Ron," Kim said, her hands on her hips.

"But that wouldn't be helping you," the college boy said.

"Excuse me?" Kim said sharply.

"You don't belong with Ron," the middle-aged man explained. "He's immature and you should find his behavior to be too random for a relationship. You should be with Shego. She's a much better match for you."

"Actually, it's not so much that you don't belong with Ron," the thirtysomething man said. "It's just that you and Shego have so much in common and there's something so compelling about bitter enemies becoming lovers."

"Honestly?" the third guy said. "You two are so hot together."

"You are all so flawed," Kim said.

"Actually, you're the one who's flawed," said the fellow with the thinning hair. "But we can help address those flaws, make you the characters you ought to be."

"You mean the characters you want us to be," Shego sneered.

"We're only doing this for your own good," the middle-aged one said.

"You mean for your own entertainment," Kim observed. "Send us back. Now."

"I don't think so," he said. "We can't let you waste yourselves with Ron and Drakken when you would be so much better together."

"I've had enough of this," Shego said as she fired up her glow power. "Princess, I'll take 'em low …"

Kim nodded. "… And I'll take'em high."

The trio responded by whipping out ray guns. "You'll thank us for this," the college-aged one said.

"Those better not be what I think they are," Shego groaned.

"Sappho rays," Kim said with a mounting sense of dread, not wanting to imagine what exposure to the device outside of a contained narrative would do to her.

"I'm glad you remember my greatest invention," said a familiar and unwelcome voice from behind Kim and Shego.

The two adversaries turned and found themselves confronting none other than Dee Lusional.

_To Be Continued …_

* * *

A/N: Dee first appeared in my story "Match Ado About Nothing."_  
_


	7. I've Got Your Background character!

Thanks to Molloy, CajunBear73, Comet Moon, sharper1988, JCS1966, whitem, Shockwave88, Love Robin, EdStargazer, Fighting Chicken, Mr. Wizard, Shrike176, Katsumara, campy, Eddy13, screaming phoenix, Sentinel103, Quathis, Jillie Rose, and Nikoagonistes for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

As always, leave a review and I'll send a reply.

KP © Disney

* * *

"This doesn't look good," the Girl in Blue said.

"No, it doesn't," agreed Mr. Peavey.

The former classmate of Kim and Ron and the balloonist who once sought Kim's assistance dealing with tough-to-remove oil stains watched from the wings as the chaos unfolded on-stage. Already, a chapter had been posted without an award. Who knew what would happen next?

"Howdy, y'all," said Joss Possible as she moseyed up to the duo.

"Hi, Joss," Mr. Peavey said.

"Any word on my big cuz?" the young woman asked.

"No, sorry," the Girl in Blue answered.

"This makes me madder'n a monster truck without a derby," Joss growled. "I feel like I'm a gonna explode, I'm so mad. Why, I—"

The young woman stopped raging when she looked down to see three baby otters milling about her feet. Her face lit up with pleasure.

"Hi, guys," she cooed. "Is Arty here?"

"Right here and still stickin' it to The Man," he said with pride as he joined his three furry friends.

"Well, you jes' stick one on my cheek," Joss said.

Arty grinned, complied, and then wrapped his arm around her waist.

"Uh, aren't you supposed to be dating Wade?" the Girl in Blue asked.

"Wade? You mean Wade, Kim's computer guy?" Joss asked.

The Girl in Blue and Mr. Peavey nodded.

"Me an' Arty are tighter than a … well, I don' know what, but we're tight," Joss said. "Why would anyone think I'd a be datin' Wade?"

Mr. Peavey looked at Joss sympathetically. "Actually, Jade's pretty popular."

"Jade?" Arty asked. "Isn't she some original character in Slyrr's 'All Things Probable' series?"

"She is," the Girl in Blue said. "She's also a clone of Shego in one of Blackbird's stories. But it's also the name of a pretty popular 'ship: Wade-Joss."

Joss looked surprised. "Huh. Well, I'll be hog-tied. Me and Wade. So does that mean me and Cousin Kim go on double dates and thangs?"

"Apparently so," Doctor Freeman said.

"Who are you?" Arty asked the white-coated man who had just joined them.

"Doctor Freeman, noted inventor, friend of talking toasters, brazen blenders, and SADI, the world's sassiest SUV!"

"Do you work for The Man?" Arty asked accusingly.

"The Man?" Freeman replied, confused. "No, I work for myself."

"Then you're okay," Arty said as he gave the mystified mechanical genius a knuckle-bump.

"Thanks," Freeman said, still not sure what was happening. "Um, would somebody mind telling me what's going on?"

Mr. Peavey and the Girl in Blue quickly updated Doctor Freeman on developments.

"This still all sounds like some plot by The Man to keep us down," Arty declared.

"I have to disagree," observed a distinguished Asian-American woman. "This seems to be an instance of competing, contradictory narratives."

"You mean like when there are two stories goin' on and the characters are doin' somethin' contradictory?" Joss asked.

"Exactly," Wanda said.

"So am I datin' Arty or Wade?" Joss demanded.

"You could be dating both."

Joss shook her head in disbelief. "How in tarnation can I be datin' both Wade and Arty? That's jus' not possible."

"How is it that you and your father speak like cowboys while your uncle and your grandmother don't?" Wanda retorted.

"She's got a point," Mr. Peavey said.

"I know!" Joss exclaimed. "I'm a Possible. And anythin's possible for a Possible!"

"Actually," Wanda explained, "It's possible for you to date both Arty and Wade because you only appeared in one episode and nothing was said about your love life. Therefore, writers are at liberty to explore multiple romantic partners for you."

"Hey, what would happen if Joss and me were dating in the show but some writer paired her up with Wade?" Arty asked.

"Then we'd have a story that contradicted canon."

"And?"

"There would most likely be arguments about the nature of canon and its relevance. Then, in all probability, a flame war would erupt," Wanda said. "It's not pretty, trust me."

"Huh," Joss said.

"Alternatively, an author could argue that you broke up after the series ended, but not all readers would accept that explanation. Once again, we might have a blow up. You wouldn't imagine the fall out resulting from arguments about whether Kim and Ron stay together after the series ended. They were especially heated after _So The Drama._"

The Girl in Blue rubbed her head. "Ugh. I hate cartoon temporal mechanics," she muttered.

"The feeling is mutual," Will Du announced as he approached the group.

"And who are you?" Wanda asked.

"Global Justice's Number One agent," he said.

"Are you here to help find Kim?" Mr. Peavey asked.

"Find Kim?" he replied. "What do you mean?"

Joss rolled her eyes. "Cousin Kim's disappeared."

"It figures," Will sneered. "I always knew she was an amateur."

"If she's such an amateur, how come she an' Ron saved the world with Drakken an' Shego and not you?"

"She was, er, lucky and I, was, er, at a Sensitivity Training Seminar in Kalamazoo."

"Officer Hobble didn't go to get you, did he, son?" Doctor Freeman observed.

"No," Du said sourly.

"Then why are you here?" Mr. Peavey asked. "In fact, why are any of us here?"

"I don't know," Du admitted.

Wanda sighed and rolled her eyes. "It's obvious, really. We're all minor characters. With the exception of the Girl in Blue, we each appeared in only one episode. And she, while making numerous appearances, never received a name."

"We're only minor characters because The Man is keeping us down!" Arty said as he gathered up the baby otters. "Come on, Little Dudes, let's fight the power!"

Joss watched as the heir to the Smarty Mart fortune wandered off to man the proverbial barricades. "Ya know," she said, "Wade may be kinda chubby, but he's beginnin' to look mighty fine."

"You mean that?"

Joss turned to see none other than a hopeful Wade Load.

"Depends," she said as she placed her hands on her hips and shot him an inquisitive look. "You got that dang bun warmer with you?"

"No, no! I learned my lesson!"

"Then maybe I kin give you a chance," she said as she slipped her arm around Wade's shoulder.

"G-great," he sputtered as he tugged at his collar – after all, he'd never been this close to an actual girl without a love ray being present. "Uh, you know, as long as we're all here, maybe we should give out an award?"

"An excellent idea," Wanda said. "Mr. Peavey, would you like to do the honors?"

"My pleasure!" he responded. "The award for **Most Likely to Create A Novel-Length Back Story For A Character With a Very Minor Role in the Series** goes to **cpneb**."

"Congratulations, cpneb," Wanda said. "And, when you write your next story, feel free to pair me up with Bob Chen."

Curious minor characters looked at the Chair of the Board of Directors of the Space Center.

She grinned. "He's actually kind of cute when he realizes he's looking at an alien space ship through the lens of his telescope."

_

* * *

To Be Continued …_


	8. Sasha's Back in Town

Many thanks to JCS1966, Mr. Wizard, Eddy13, Shrike176, Katsumara, Shockwave88, CajunBear73, campy, Nikoagonistes, Love Robin, Captain IT, Sentinel103, screaming phoenix, Quathis, Joe Stoppinghem, RonHeartbreaker, Thomas Linquist, Comet Moon, Nutzkie, Molloy, whitem, and kt of JAKT for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

* * *

This chapter is brought to you by our bon-diggety Special Guest Author, **Mr. Wizard**.

* * *

I sat at my usual table. One of the things I like about this place; if you've got a table, it's always open. I've been going there ever since graduating from the Academy. Daddy first took me; it's where I got my graduation present. Still got it with me, need a permit now.

Some of the girls were with me. Glad for the company, the outing I'd just come from had been every bit as bitter as it had been sweet.

"This was sittin' on the table with you?" Detective Mary Cagney shook her head. Don't think she could get over the detailing on the little casket.

"Yeah. Had that doll in it: Officer Marigold from Picture Perfect Princess' 'What I'm Going to Be' series. Boys went all out; black cake candles on either end. Even had an arrangement of real flowers, tiny ones of course."

Sergeant Suzanne Anderson had the doll in her hand. "You've got to like how they sewed the sleeve up like that."

"Whaddya mean?" I groused. "They pulled the whole arm out! I've still got fourteen centimeters!" Rightie came up. The girls laughed. Nobody had to read between any lines to get my message.

"Least they gave you the arm." Officer Lucy Bates pointed to the hand sticking out of my jacket pocket.

"I'll take it home, pop the arm back in and cut it down to size. It's a one-sixth scale; think I'll leave two centimeters."

"Trying to lose another pound?" Pepper japed. "You know that won't work for long."

"How'd Stevie take the latest news?" Cagney wanted to know. "I know he spun you around and around that first time."

"He fainted."

"Fainted." Lucy laughed. "You floored the Marine?"

"You gonna show us now or not?" Always liked how Mary cut to the chase.

"Right here." The 'oohs' and 'ahhs' began. "Glad I was on my back at the time. Felt like passing out myself."

"Got names picked out yet?" Mom cops always want to know.

"Some. We're thinking…"

By their eyes I knew somebody was coming our way. Don't normally sit with my back to the door but the Pan-dimensional Donut Shop is as safe a place as there is. I'm careful, not paranoid.

It was a guy, a big uniform with dark glasses and a hint of a brogue. "Evenin', ladies. I'm wonderin' if I could have a little time with Sergeant Barkin here."

Cagney spoke for them. "You know this guy, Sasha?"

"I'm Officer Hobble, Middleton PD." He tipped his shades at us. "And let me say it's an honor to meet you all. I never missed your shows…especially yours, Sergeant Anderson."

"I bet." Pepper's lip curled. _Guess he was discovering girls at that time._

The Detective was getting a mite put out. "Hey, nobody's answerin' my question here."

I gave her a smile. "Relax, Mary. I know who he is. We don't travel in the same circles but we're on the same planet, so to speak. He's good."

Before they left Pepper smiled. "Next time bring your other gift. We want to see it."

_Not half as much as I want to show it off. Let's hear it for the trolls. _"Don't worry, you'll see it. Why don't you girls go relax? You'll be back on your shifts soon enough."

When they left I gave my guest the look. "Before we get started, why don't you go get the other thing you came for?"

Hobble smiled. "Thank you, Sergeant. A certain double dipped beauty is callin' my name. Wonder if they have any chocolate left?"

He didn't have to worry. This place never runs out of anything. And they make stuff you can't find anywhere else. Take what I was having; everybody does filled donuts, but have yours been filled with fresh sliced strawberries and cream? Good and warm on the outside, cold and sweet on the inside. Strawberries tasted twice as good as usual, so did tomatoes. _Think we'll have Italian tonight. _

Middleton's finest was back. "Think you'll be able to fit through the portal, Hobble?"

"Been a busy day, and I might take some for the road, you know."

_Fat chance. _"All right, you didn't just come for that, or my beguiling company."

The man's face went grim. "It's Kim."

Pit of my stomach went cold. _If it's Demens…_ "Why'd Nana send you? She already got Du and the Director Twins on the case?"

"No, Sergeant…"

"It's not Sergeant anymore, turned in my badge today. Just call me Sasha."

"Once a cop, always a cop, Sasha. And you can call me Denny. I need your help. It's our Kim they've taken."

"Our Kim!? Where's Ron? Is he on the case?"

"He's waitin' for us. And on the case? This is Ron we're talkin' about." Boy was smiling.

"Whatever he may be in your story, here he's just Ron."

_All right, you don't know what you've got; let's hope the bad guys are playing dumb too. _"What other backup do we have?"

"Well the flu's hit us early this year, that and the budget forced us to not replace a couple of retirees. All we've got to help us badgewise are the Fashion Police."

"Beg pardon?"

"Don't ask." He sighed like he was reliving a bad dream. "You'll have to see for yourself. "Well, Sasha, are you in or out?"

_Out? Let Little Sister down? _"I'm in. And while I'm grateful, there were others you could call on. There's Mary or Pepper or Lucy just right here. If you wait long enough, anybody who's anybody will come by."

"Even if there weren't copyright issues, there's the medium transference complication."

_Right. A lot of folks don't like how they look animated. _"See your point. Look, I'll come clean. It's been months since I was on the streets and that time a guy got the drop on me. Got me real good as you can see. Will I do any better with just one arm?"

Even with those shades on you could see the smile in his eyes. "Whaddya mean, Sasha?"

_What the? _I flexed my right(!) hand again. "Hi, Honey. I've missed you so much. So I get this back until…"

"The end of the story. Sorry, that's all I can guarantee for now, though I feel that somethin' is in the works for you somewhere."

"It'll do. Just one thing, I need to make a stop before we get to work."

"Where?"

"The Pan-dimensional Bodice and Bustier Boutique; it's just next door. There are a lot of things you can't put on with only one arm. Stevie's been such a good boy lately, he deserves a little surprise."

_To Be Continued …_

**

* * *

A message from MrDrP **(brought to you by Club Banana, a wholly owned subsidiary of Smarty Mart, though Kim prefers not to be reminded of this fact):

Please join me in offering a round of generous applause to our Special Guest Author, Mr. Wizard, who has graciously agreed to help bring you the Larrys.

If you don't recognize Sasha, you haven't read Mr. Wizard's **Nights in the Big City** and you should do so now. Simply put, it's one of the single best stories ever posted on this site.

* * *

KP © Disney; original characters © the Special Guest Author

Leave a review and someone, in some dimension, will send you a reply.


	9. Just a Couple of Things

Thanks to Love Robin, Comet Moon, Katsumara, CajunBear73, Shrike176, JCS1966, King in Yellow, Sentinel103, spectre666, screaming phoenix, whitem, Quathis, RonHeartbreaker, Thomas Linquist, Molloy, FortressMaximus, airwalker999, Nutzkie for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and receive a reply.

KP © Disney; original characters © the author.

* * *

"So after you pull the trigger and make me have the hots for Princess here, what happens?" Shego asked with remarkable aplomb.

"You live happily ever after," Dee said.

"Yeah, right, I know, all sorts of hot lesbian martial arts sex that's really just an expression of my supposedly long-unrecognized, suppressed desire to jump Kimmie, a minivan, and a couple of out-of-control brats with weird names. But I want details."

"Details? What do you mean?" Dee asked.

"Actually, that's a good question. Does Shego become good or do I turn bad?" Kim wondered.

"Well, I don't know …" Dee admitted. "What do you want?"

"To ace this place," Kim said.

"Other than that," Dee said.

"I think Shego should become director of Global Justice," the thirtysomething suggested. "She could be Kim's boss!"

"I think not," the middle-aged man and Kim chorused.

Shego snorted. "Me bossing around Princess here? I could work with that."

"So not going to happen," Kim snarled.

"Kim should surrender to her nihilistic tendencies," the middle-aged man said. "She and Shego should be antiheroes who by being honest with themselves can find personal liberation giving full expression to their true natures."

"I don't care," the college student said. "I'm just interested in the hot lesbian martial arts sex. Though it would be cool if it took place in outer space with a zero-gravity setting because then when they took off their clothes their—"

"TMI!" Kim and Shego shouted simultaneously. The teen hero then looked at the villain and automatically called Jinx. "You owe me a soda," she said smugly.

"How about I owe you some hurt?" Shego shot back as she raised her hands and fired up her glow power.

"Bring it," Kim growled as she dropped into a fighting stance.

"Stop it!" Dee yelled. "No fighting! This isn't the way it's supposed to be!"

"She's right."

Kim, Shego, Dee and the Sons of Sappho all turned to see they had been joined by a keyboard wielding young man with brown hair who was wearing a hockey shirt and a pair of cargoes.

"Oh, great, buffoon is the new black," Shego cracked.

"Don't diss the BFBF," Kim said menacingly.

"What, you dumped Stoppable for this doofus?" Shego asked.

"No!" Kim snapped before she focused her attention on the newcomer. "Though Shego has a point. Those clothes do like kind of froobish on you."

The visitor shook his head. "That's just like you. Dismissing anything that Ron does or says."

"Excuse me?"

"This is his signature outfit and what do you do? Mock."

"Newsflash: the jersey and cargoes are hot on Ron, not so on you."

"Says the self-centered girl who tried to get him to change his haircut, give up his Smarty Mart vest, and looked disapprovingly at his baby blue tux," said a balding fellow in his fifties who was also dressed in a red hockey jersey and cargoes and carrying a keyboard. "You may be pretty, but you're so full of yourself, assuming that all of your success is because of what you do, never giving credit to Ron or anyone else."

"You are so flawed!"

"You know, he's got a point, Pumpkin," Shego said. "When's the last time you shared a TV camera with Stoppable? Or nerdlinger? Or the mole rat?"

Kim turned red and her shoulders sagged. ""I am such the jerk. Do you think Ron will forgive me?"

"Doy, the buffoon loves you," Shego said. "While you two never made sense to me, you guys are solid. Still, it wouldn't hurt to share some of the limelight with him."

"Thanks for the advice," Kim said.

"Don't mention it," Shego said. Then she powered up her glow power again. "Ever."

Kim smirked. "I can work with that."

"But we can't work with you and Ron. Not as you currently are," a third man, this one a teenager wearing a red jersey, cargoes and carrying the requisite keyboard declared. "We will have to change you."

"Let me guess," Shego said. "You're going to upgrade Kimmie from the training bra she's still wearing."

"So not funny," Kim responded.

"Actually, Possible, this is programmed to do that, among other things," a fourth, all-too-familiar, yet-somehow-off voice, declared.

Kim turned to look at her boyfriend and was stunned by what she saw. "Ron?" she asked. "What happened to you?"

"Whoa, Stoppable when did you get ripped?" Shego added.

The Ron standing before the two women had rippling muscles; a buzz cut; and wore wraparound sunglasses. He also didn't smile. "I am not the Ron Stoppable you know."

"Understatement much?" Kim observed.

The Ron lookalike's nostrils flared. "I am the Rongolem™."

"Ooooo," Shego said mockingly. "A trademark. Does that mean you're planning on a line of video games, action figures, and swimmy diapers?"

"Mock all you want, Shego," he said. "But the Personality Modifier System will work on you as well as it will on Possible."

"Whoa," Shego said. "Did you say you were going to use PMS on us?"

"That is so ferociously wrong," Kim observed.

"Uh, question here," the middle aged Son of Sappho interjected.

"Yes?" the Rongolem™ asked.

"If you can use that thing on Kim and Shego, why not Ron?"

"The original Ron is inadequate," the fiftysomething jersey shirt wearing man said. "It was easier to just create a better version."

"This is so many flavors of wrong," Kim said.

"Tell me about it," Shego agreed.

"See!" Dee chirped. "You two do share something in common. Now just let me fix you two and everything will be fine."

"I don't think so," the Rongolem™ growled.

"Oh, why don't you just go hit on Bonnie Rockwaller?" she countered.

"I will," the faux-Ron said. "No lady will be able to resist the charm of the Rondogolem™."

Dee snorted, eliciting a sharp comment from the ersatz Stoppable. The exchange between Dee and the Rongolem™ quickly became heated and their followers soon joined in, flinging barbs, insults, and the occasional rotten tomato. Seizing the opportunity, Kim and Shego quietly slipped out.

"Okay, now what do we do?" the auburn-haired teen wondered aloud as they made their way down a corridor.

"I thought you're the hero, Kimmie," the glamorous henchwoman sneered.

Kim frowned, but then brightened. "I know," she said with determination. "We give an award!"

"What?"

"It's been a couple of chapters since a Larry has been given out."

"And what are you going to recognize this time? Totally whacked pairings? Dumbest Alternate Universes?"

"Since people are so interested in creative pairings, I thought we could give one for best original couple."

"What?" Shego scoffed. "You and Cafeteria Lady?"

Kim glowered. "No," she said icily. "The award for Best Original Couple goes to **campy** for pairing Tara and Kevin Guberman."

"Well, if you and Stoppable can be an item and Doctor D and I can smack lips, then why not a cheerleader and the captain of the chess team. Good call, Princess."

"Thanks," Kim said. "Now let's ace this place …"

_

* * *

_

To Be Continued …

* * *

If you haven't read campy's excellent story **Mating Games** about Tara and Kevin, I encourage you to do so. It can be found at http: // www. fanfiction. net /s /3166931 /1 /Mating_Games


	10. Sasha's Still in Town

Thanks to whitem, Mr. Wizard, Comet Moon, Katsumara, Nikoagonistes, sharper1988, Love Robin, Quathis, Shockwave88, JCS1966, Eddy13, CajunBear73, Sentinel103, campy, screaming phoenix, Shrike176, Molloy, Danny-171984, and spectre666 for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and someone from the Pan-Dimensional Reader Reply Office will send you a response or a crueler.

KP © Disney; Original characters © Mr. Wizard.

* * *

Thanks again to Special Guest Author **Mr. Wizard**, who wrote this installment, for helping to bring you the Larrys.

**

* * *

Chapter 10**

**By Mr. Wizard**

Didn't take any time to find what I wanted and in my size. You just can't beat Pan-dimensional shopping; it's not real world. Denny was a good sport about the whole thing. He knew we'd get back just after he'd left no matter how much time we took.

"All right, let's go."

The uniform was puzzled. "I don't see any bags."

"Don't need any."

His brows went up from behind his shades. "I'll not be askin' any more questions. Now if you want I can fill you in before we get back."

"Nah. Don't want my mind made up before I hear everybody. Less I know, the more questions I'll have."

We went to his car. He triggered the doors and after we climbed in he reached to the remote on the visor. "It's tuned into the vortex as well as me garage door."

Something hit me. "Denny, you ever gone from one dimension to another?"

"No, just here and back, why?"

"Nothing." _You'll be okay. Little Sister needs you. _"Let's go."

We drove around patrol cars, unmarkeds, a pair of motorcycles, a spaceship and even a horse. (Usually see those at the Pan-dimensional Lone Star Saloon.) Once we cleared the lot he pressed his button. My light always looks white. We drove into a blue swirl.

"There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" He put a hand on my shoulder.

Stomach's been a bit dodgy the last month. I held my breath for a ten count and it settled down. "Piece of cake. Where's Ron?"

"He's inside with the others. Come on and we'll get started."

Ron's a joker, but where Kim's concerned he's all business. It wasn't a kidder I heard.

"We can't just wait, Larry! We…"

The next voice sounded like someone with a permanent case of sinus blockage. _Must be Larry. _"What's the matter, Ron?"

Ron's voice was toneless. "There's been a disturbance in the Narrative Force."

"I have felt it." Larry responded, real grave like.

"We have a new writer." Monkey Boy whispered.

I recognized the next voice. This Bonnie sounded just as sharp as the one I knew. "Oh fine, another loser! Why can't they just leave me alone with my billionaire non-collegiate boyfriend?"

Larry sounded nervous. "It's not wise to anger the Story Master, Bonnie…"

"Why, what will he do? And of course it's a 'he', no woman would write anything as lame as this."

_Time to make my entrance. _"I dunno, kid. You seen the kitten one?" What I saw made me wince. "Whoa, what sort of fashion menagerie is going on here? The suits and dresses, maybe, but Ron, what's up with you? And Larry, isn't it, is it Halloween here?"

The guy in the weird get-up looked ready to lecture. "I happen to be in the proper regalia of a…"

"Loser Lord!" Bonnie huffed, folding her arms and turning in her chair.

_Don't snicker. DON'T SNICKER! _I cleared my throat instead. "Ron, what gives with the lederhosen?"

The boy took a half step forward, and not a friendly step. _Hobble, did you tell him WHO you were going for?_ "Come on, Ron. You know me."

"Yeah…you're somebody that kicks and punches my KP!"

"Hey, I'm not that girl. And from what I remember, didn't you guys team up three times?"

Hobble stepped in. "Aye, Ron. Remember the tussle with Aviarius, and the pleasant visit by Little Miss Go and the Lowardians. This isn't Shego, this is Sasha Barkin of the Go City PD. You've met her before."

Loser Lord _(Don't be bad, Sasha. But it's SO funny!) _sounded all knowing. "Ron, there's a way to resolve this without violence. Use the Narrative Force. Let go. Let the Narrative Force flow through you and over you and all will be revealed."

Ron took a deep breath. Some hairless rodent in a tux (_Rufus, right.) _climbed onto his shoulder. Rufus sat in the Lotus Position and started to levitate. The boy didn't float, but he was hitting some weird vibe.

In a minute Ron opened all-blue eyes. His hair stood up. So did the hair on the back of my neck. He had a far away look.

Larry's voice deepened. "What do you see, Ron?"

Boy's voice was a little over a whisper. "We've trusted our lives with her before. She risked everything to help us."

Everyone relaxed a little, then Bonnie prompted. "What else do you see? If you're all, like, up in this Narramystical whatever you might see where the whole sorry thing is going."

"It's not clear." He answered. "Can't make out all the cross currents. So many images…I see a football headed my way and a big fight between…"

"No spoilers on the other stories." Larry warned. "That would be giving into the Dark Side."

_You mean the Dork Side. Uh oh, better not spend too much time with this Bonnie, she brings out the old St. Ag's Hag in you._

Ron went on. "Okay, Larry. But I do see us someday taking on a guy who reminds me of Victor Mature. Wait, I'm getting a little more on this Sasha. I'm on a couch, I'm putting a tape in a VCR and I see…I see…" His eyes were nearly bugging out of his head. "Aieee! Na…"

I raised a finger. "Easy, kid. Remember the rating. Now that we know we're all good guys and girls, can somebody tell me what's up with the outfits?"

They all answered. "Awards Show."

"This isn't the Fannies, it's at another venue." _And they better hurry up and finish it before I have to get my dress let out._

Costume guy stood up a little taller. "These are the Larrys; honoring writers and stories not easily categorized by the Fannies."

"All right, that explains Bonnie and the rat guy."

"Hink! Hey!" the pink guy squealed.

Ron stuck up for his pet. "Hello, Sasha, Naked Mole Rat."

"All right, all right. But what gives, Ron? You in a musical number?"

The boy looked beyond appalled when Bonnie jumped up. "Oh, Sasha! You've to see this!"

Had to admit, the kids were funny enough but that ape…aping Christopher Plummer. I nearly had to run for the little detective's room.

"Sasha!" Ron was shouting.

"Sorry, but that was just too funny." I needed a minute to catch my breath. "I'm ready, no more monkey business."

Even Rufus liked that one. Boy looked ready to go monkey on me.

"So, you two dressed up like Hummels to back up the ape."

"No, we're in Germany now, in college."

"Germany?"

Boy shrugged. "German audience gave us our last season. They were behind all the quality time we had our senior year."

"Hey, this Polish girl owes nothing to the Germans."

Before I could get too riled up Hobble had my answer. "No, you come from a wife's business trip and 'Harlem Nocturne'."

Rufus whipped a pair of shades out from his jacket. "Hink! Saxophones!"

Hobble just shook his head. "If it's not too much trouble, I'd like to get to the case."

"Well, it's what I'm here for. What have we got? The kids are here for an unexpected awards show, perfect chance to throw them off their game…sounds like a set up."

"Or a plot contrivance." Middleton's finest noted.

"Either way, somebody found a way to separate them."

"Didn't take much, just a fake Bueno Nacho cantina." Bonnie tossed her hair and looked away. "Still think Kim wised up and ran out on Ron."

"Wouldn't you like to think so? Give you your chance."

"What?" she snapped.

"You two are a popular alternate hook-up. The Bonnie I know had it for Ron real bad."

Lederhosen Boy puffed out his chest. "Guess Bon-Bon just can't keep away from the Ron action no matter where she is."

"Shut up, Stoppable or you're in sooo much trouble." The girl looked ready to pounce.

"Hate to break it to you, Monkey Boy, but my Bonnie's moving on. Sent me a card telling me she's going to Upperton University this fall. She's already working with the Socialist Student Union, leader's a sophomore firebrand named Larry Capable. Went on and on about him. Agency Director considers him one of the one hundred most dangerous men in America. _Paranoid idiot._"

"I'm dangerous?" Larry's eyes nearly outgrew his glasses.

"You're a man?" Bonnie snarked.

_You're a pair, that's for sure. _"Enough of the match making. Hobble said something about two other men on the case. Where are they?"

The kids looked around. "They left about the same time Hobble did." Ron said.

Two Agency looking guys entered stage left. I say 'Agency looking' because while they had the builds and tough expressions no Agency guy would pay that much attention to the handkerchief in the jacket pocket. Even Will Du would have thought they were fussy.

"Evening, ma'am." The big blondsaid. "I'm Officer Tweed, this is Officer Twill. We're with the Fashion Police."

"Sasha Barkin, Sergeant, Go City PD. _Actually formerly as of today, but what they don't know won't hurt me. _"Nice of you guys to cut out in the middle of an investigation."

The man with the swept back brown hair named Twill went next. "We were called to help close one of our cases; we finally located a back room store selling knock-offs of Carriage hand bags. Finding those false walls can be murder."

_Yeah, bet you really know your murders. _"Missing person seems a little more important than fake hand bags."

Tweed didn't seem to think so. "We don't go to the donut shop, donuts are never in, but we know how it works. Nothing important would happen before we returned. We had time to make our collar, just like you had time to make your most alluring yet tasteful purchase."

"How did you know?" By the look on Ron's face he had seen my expression before, only this time he was enjoying the fact that it wasn't directed at anyone he cared about.

"We have our sources." Twill was all cryptic. "Our participation is a professional courtesy. The original purpose of our visit was to apprehend Bonnie Rockwaller for violating Article Ten, Section J of the Fashion Code: appearing at an awards show in an inferior knock-off."

"It is NOT an inferior knock-off!" Bonnie was real defensive. "And I still say you should get Kim on Article Thirteen, Section F: totally ridiculous outfits."

This time Tweed smiled a bit. "Got a future jail house lawyer here. We're already established the legitimacy of lederhosen and its feminine counterparts. At least it's original, not like those derivative costumes you find in Po…"

I hadn't bothered to change over my holster; I was pretty fast with my left. "This little accessory comes from Radom and incorporates design elements of both Colt and Browning. Gonna call it a knock-off?"

The two did a completely different form of evaluation. "The elements are harmoniously blended." Twill said quickly.

Tweed added his own analysis. "Still there's more than enough original thought in the construction to make it a classic in its own right."

"Glad to see you show good judgment." I put away my gun. "And since we're being all critical here, I think you should be nice and let Ms. Rockwaller off this time."

They shook their heads. I got a sour look from Tweed. "No way. We have our professionalism, just like you do. Letting this one go could be the straw that broke the well-dressed camel's back."

_Stepped right into it. _"Then, Officer, arrest thyself. Something tells me you two should match when you're on duty."

"What do you mean?" They looked at each other. "We're both in midnight black Carmani suits with matching ties, Drooks Brothers bone white oxfords and the finest Toronelli shoes."

Their smug looks lasted two seconds. That's how long it took Bonnie to notice. "But the suits have different finishes! One has a blue sheen, the other's purple!"

Twill looked at Tweed. "It's purple for awards shows!"

"Not unless there's a banquet afterwards, blue works whether or not there's a red carpet involved." Tweed owned up. "Still she's right; we'll have to turn ourselves in."

"And we're up for evaluations next week. This will sink our chance at a transfer to the Milan Office."

The old smile came to me. "Tell you what; you forget about Bonnie's little indiscretion here and we'll…"

"We don't cut deals." Don't think Tweed knew he was giving up. When you cut in quick like that, I know I've got you.

I turned to Bonnie; girl knew what to do next. "Citizen's Fashion arrest!"

Now I showed my back teeth. "Can't wait to see what sort of handcuff is regarded as fashionable. Guess you'll just have to loan Bonnie yours, unless you want plain Jane steel."

That was enough for Tweed. "You win. Ms. Rockwaller, consider yourself warned. The next time you…"

"Take Junior with me." Girl smirked. "I'll have the dress designed and made to order."

Ron came over. "I'm glad we worked that out but when are we going to find KP?"

"Hink! KP!" Rufus chimed in.

I nodded. Everyone was on the same page now, no talk of cheap dresses or mismatched suits. "What do we have?"

"We know who did it." Hobble gave me the card.

"Whoever they are, they've got class."

"It's not the class we're worried about, it's their powers." Twill actually sounded like a cop for a second.

"What are they then?"

"Writers, with the desire to rewrite the fabric of our universe, maybe all of them." Hobble said.

"And I guess they think they've found a way to do that." I flipped the card over and over in my right hand. Might as well enjoy it while it lasted. Writers could be tough, but I had the feeling that these guys didn't mean any harm to Kim. Intent's only part of the equation though. Things have a way of getting out of hand, though …

_To Be Continued …_


	11. Nacos and Circuses

Thanks to Katsumara, Love Robin, Sentinel103, Comet Moon, CajunBear73, whitem, JCS1966, Quathis, Shockwave88, screaming phoenix, RonHeartbreaker, Molloy, sharper1988, and airwalker999 for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Thanks, also, to campy for reviewing this chapter.

Leave a review, receive a response.

KP © Disney.

* * *

_Rome: 82 AD_

"So, what do you think?" asked the thirtysomething man wearing a purple trimmed toga. He was a genial sort, with curly hair, a bluff face, and a thickening middle and had posed the question to his companions, a tow-headed young man in a toga that looked as if it were in danger of falling off despite the best efforts of its wearer and the young man's wife, an attractive auburn-haired woman by who was wearing an azure dress and stola.

"I like it," Aaron of Jerusalem, better known as Ronicus, finally said to Titus Caesar. "It makes me look fearsome, just like in real life."

Kimberlivenda smirked. "The only time you've ever looked that fearsome was the time you ate that garum Felix brought you."

"Pickled fish paste," the famous gladiator shuddered. "Sick and wrong!"

Titus Caesar looked at Ronicus with surprise. "Sick and wrong? Garum is practically our national food!"

"Caesar, Caesar, Caesar," Ron said with a hard-earned familiarity enjoyed by few men or women in the Empire. "Romans may be masters of the world but they are not masters of the kitchen."

Titus Caesar snorted. "I'm taking food criticism from a Judean?"

"Ronicus is right," the feisty red-headed Briton observed. "I don't know how you eat garum. It's gorchy."

"Gorchy?" asked the ruler of the world.

"It's an old Celtic term for greechy," Kim explained, her expression making clear that the one whom the Romans thought was a Barbarian still secretly harbored the same opinion of those who had conquered her people.

"I see," Titus said gamely, willing to indulge his two young friends in light of the many services they had rendered the Empire, and more to the point, the Flavians. "Well, Ronicus, I am glad you approve of the statue. Hopefully, it will inspire others to fight bravely."

"Well, you want to do that, you should put one up of my badicalus wife," he replied as he wrapped his arm around Kimberlivenda's shoulder.

"While the Masked Warrior of Mystery is more than deserving of a statue of her own," Titus conceded, "you know that most Romans would recoil at the image of an armed woman who is not a goddess."

"Especially if she were from Britain," Kimberlivenda said wryly before she added a diplomatic, "Sir."

Titus Caesar, with the generosity of spirit that had come to endear him to the people of Rome, laughed. "Exactly."

Ron frowned. "It's not fair, though. If it weren't for KV—"

Kimberlivenda cut him off by placing her finger on his lips. "It's all right, Ronicus. More important to me than a statue is what Vespasian Caesar did for us. Thanks to him, we and our children are citizens, not slaves."

"Not just citizens," Titus said with a self-satisfied smile.

"What do you mean?" a now-curious Kimberlivenda asked.

"There are benefits to being Emperor, including choosing to be Censor. Just as my father used his office to grant you citizenship in light of the services you rendered Rome, I am thanking both of you by promoting Ronicus to the Equestrian order." Grinning, Titus Caesar removed a gold band from within a tunic.

"Bling!" Ron enthused while Kim rolled her eyes.

"Bling?" Titus said. "Oh, let me guess. That's Hebrew for jewelry."

"Actually, it's slang Ronicus picked up in Forum Boarium," Kim said with a roll of the eyes. "He's trying to be current."

"The Ronicus doesn't try," he preened. "He is."

Caesar and Kimberlivenda exchanged a glance, then both began to guffaw.

"So much for the mystique," Ronicus grumbled.

"You don't need mystique," Kim said affectionately. "You have the Ronicus Factorum."

"You also now have four hundred thousand sesterces to your name," the Emperor said.

"Man, that's a lot of Claudius," Ron said. "Thanks!"

"It's the least I could do after you and Kimberlivenda foiled that Parthian plot last year. You saved the Empire."

"It was no big," Kim said modestly. "Saving the Empire is what we do."

"And you do it so well," Titus Caesar said. "And as long as we're on that topic …"

"Oh! Oh! Let me guess!" Ronicus said eagerly. "You need us to stop the Germans. Again."

"If only it were so easy," Caesar sighed.

"Is another volcano going to erupt?" Kimberlivenda asked, worried that another town was about to suffer the fate of Pompeii.

"If only," Caesar sighed. "This involves the Sibylline Books."

"Uh, in case KV here doesn't know what those are," Ronicus prompted, earning a fiery look from his wife. "Okay, I'm clueless," he admitted.

"The Sibylline Books are only the most carefully guarded oracles in Rome's possession, consulted only in times of crisis," Caesar explained.

"But you're secure on the throne, Rome's enemies are at bay, and the Empire is prospering," Kim observed. "What's the sitch?"

"Sitch?" Titus Caesar asked before he answered his own question. "Let me guess: more Celtic."

Kim flashed the ruler of the known world a supremely confident smile, the kind a teacher gives an achieving student and he laughed. Then his mien grew more somber. "The Slashigantes are stirring again."

Kimberlivenda and Ronicus paled at the mention of the same-sex pairing aficionados from beyond the Rhine (think beautiful, numinous, lyrical women of Lesbos except they're tall, hairy, belching men who don't bathe).

"They demand recognition for one of their own. If they don't receive it, they threaten to wreak havoc on the Empire."

"Oh, like, they'll go back in time and put Hannibal together with Scipio," Ronicus scoffed. "They didn't really hate each other," he said sarcastically. "The Punic Wars were just their way of expressing their unrecognized love for one another."

"Caput in the game, Ronicus. They possess powerful dark magic," Kimberlivenda chided her husband before she turned to Titus Caesar. "What do they demand?"

"An award," he said.

"Excuse me?" she asked, surprised.

"Something called a Larry," the Emperor said.

"Well, why not give it to them?" she replied.

"Do you think it would be wise?" he asked.

"What's the big?" Kim countered. "Maybe they just want some respect."

"I know I'm all about getting the respect," Ronicus agreed.

"Very well, then," Titus Caesar said. "I proclaim that the Larry for Best Continuity in a Kim Possible Fan Fiction series goes to **King in Yellow**."

Ronicus then wandered into the middle of the Forum.

"Congratulations, Dude," Ronicus said. "While some readers may disagree with you on the whole Kigo thing and the RonBon pairing …"

Kimberlivenda and Titus Caesar looked at one another.

"Who is he talking to?" Caesar asked behind his hand.

Kimberlivenda shrugged. "I don't know," she admitted before she looked back at her husband with concern.

"… You still deserve mad props for putting together a complex, cohesive narrative universe," Ronicus said with enthusiasm. "Keeping track of so many characters over so many stories is no easy thing, believe you me. Oh, and kids, always remember: Never, ever fall into a vat of fermenting fish guts …"


	12. Enter Drewbio

Thanks to Mr. Wizard, King in Yellow, Shockwave88, CajunBear73, Comet Moon, campy, screaming phoenix, Quathis, Mahler Avatar, Katsumara, Sentinel103, JCS1966, whitem, Joe Stoppinghem, Molloy, Love Robin, Thomas Linquist, and Classic Cowboy for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

Leave a review, receive a response.

KP © Disney.

* * *

**A/N:** This chapter depicts an event of truly awful awfulness and sick and wrong wrongsickness for which Smarty Mart assumes no responsibility or liability (though they are willing to provide readers who use the promotional code "bald rocks" a discount of ten percent on brain soap, which is available in Aisle 53). Before reading this installment, parents are advised to hide their children and children their baby otters.

* * *

I.

Drakken was sitting at his desk, wondering where Shego had gone – he was trying to convince himself she had just gone out to steal something and not finally ditched him for Midas – when a blue flash of light filled the lair, temporarily blinding him. When he regained his sight, he found himself facing a woman, in her twenties. She had dyed her hair, which she wore in a ponytail, blue.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"You can call me Drakimberly," she said.

"I'm very busy," he said. "Though if you're a Pixie Scout, I'll take four boxes of Coconut Clusters."

"I have something much better than that," she said as she withdrew a small, shiny device.

"Ooo. What's that?" Drakken asked, his curiosity piqued. Even though he had saved the world from an alien onslaught, his interest in anything that even remotely resembled villain tech remained undimmed.

"Nothing," the woman said as she aimed the device at Drakken and fired, enveloping him in a blue aura. "Just something that will make you irresistible to the woman with whom you should be."

"Shego?" he asked as he began to feel faint.

Drakimberly smirked. "Of course not," she answered as Drakken slumped to the ground. "Kim Possible."

II.

Kim and Shego ran down the corridor, trying to find a way out.

"I so wish I knew where to go," Kim said.

"I guess you really can do anything," Shego snarked. "Even be clueless."

"So not helping," Kim shot back.

Shego was about to counter when she felt a tingling sensation. When she looked down, she saw that she was dematerializing. She then looked at Kim, who was also dematerializing. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," Kim said. "Narrative location shift?"

Shego rolled here eyes. "You've been spending too much time around nerdlinger, Princess."

Kim was about to respond, but then she disappeared.

III.

Moments later, Shego and Kim found themselves at the entrance to Drakken's lair. "Doctor D?" Shego called out as she and Kim entered, surprised to find the lights dimmed.

"My weirdar is going off," Kim said as she noticed his work console was covered with vanilla-scented candles. "Something here is so not right."

"Gee, ya think?" Shego said as she eyed the heart-shaped pink hot tub that had been installed and the mirror that had been affixed to the ceiling. "Come on, Drakken. You here?"

"Oh, I'm here," he growled as he emerged from the shadows. "And you can call me … Drewbio."

Shego and Kim turned. Standing before them was Drakken. But instead of his familiar blue lab coat, he wore a white shirt. His mullet had been set free. And his usually confused expression was replaced by one of supreme confidence.

"What's with the new look?" Shego asked, her heart racing. While she and Drakken had become an item in the wake of the Lorwardian invasion, she'd never before felt like this around him.

"I thought it was time to step up my game," he said suavely.

Then he ripped open his shirt, bearing his broad blue chest and toned abs.

Shego felt herself go weak in the knees. Before she could fall, Drakken had swept in and caught her.

"Thanks," she croaked, her bodice heaving.

"My pleasure," he said, drawing near.

Kim, much to her horror, found herself going wobbly, too. "W-what about me?" she asked as she suddenly found herself wildly attracted to her long-time nemesis.

Drakken deftly caught her with his other arm and Kim sighed contentedly.

Shego, who had been making moon eyes at Drakken, looked over to Kim. "Aren't you supposed to be with the buffoon?"

"Who?" Kim asked.

"You know, Stoppable?"

Kim began blowing kisses at Drakken. "But Drewbio is bad and so … blue!" she cooed.

"I know," Shego growled. "And he's mine!"

"Not anymore," Kim countered. "He's mine!"

"Now, now, Ladies," Drakken said suavely as the two women bared their teeth. "There's more than enough of the Doctor to go around."

"Really?" Shego asked.

"Yes," he said.

"Good," Shego said as she breathily cupped Drakken's face in her hands.

Mad scientist and lippy sidekick locked eyes. Stars exploded. Continents shifted. Virgin maidens skipped across daisy-filled fields in search of Dionysian pleasures. Cliches burst forth into rapturous song. Lips collided. Tongues danced. Spit was swapped. More clichés joined the chorus of wanton love …

"My turn!" Kim said as she wrenched Drakken's lips from Shego's and brought her own to his, unleashing a whole host of new shop-worn metaphors while adding in some florid new ones about May-December romance and the allure of illicit villain-hero love triumphing over all, all while Barry White music played in the background.

When it was done, both Shego and Kim swooned. Drakken gently set the two women down on the ground and preened. "The Doctor is most definitely in!" he crowed.

IV.

"Snap," Drakimberly said as she watched the scene unfold in Drakken's lair. She hacked into the feed for the lair's giant monitor, expecting to watch the triumph of her scheme. She had enhanced the diffident, insecure Drakken, turning him into the über-confident Drewbio, complete with funky fresh pheromones that would overcome Kim Possible. Alone in the lair, they would fall into one another's arms.

When the blue-haired young woman had tracked down Kim and Shego, she assumed that the teleportation device would only lock onto the teen hero, not the villainess, too. Now, as both Kim and Shego threw themselves at Drewbio, she cursed herself for buying the lower cost model from the HenchCo sale catalog – the extra $49.99 for the Premium model with the granular transport beam focuser and cup holder had seemed like an unnecessary expense at the time.

Muttering to herself, Drakimberly began to fidget with some controls. She relaxed as she locked onto Shego and began the transport process, watching with satisfaction as the glamorous henchwoman dematerialized. She then entered some random coordinates, not caring where she deposited the glamorous henchwoman – her only interest was in seeing Drakken and Kim together, defying convention and smacking lips.

_

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To Be Continued …_


	13. On My Mind

Thanks to Sentinel103, sharper1988, FortressMaximus, JCS1966, Shockwave88, Mr. Wizard, Quathis, screaming phoenix, daywalkr82, Eddy13, campy, Captain IT, CajunBear73, RedBlueGreen, Comet Moon, Katsumara, RonHeartbreaker, neithan, Mahler Avatar, whitem, Joe Stoppinghem, and Love Robin for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy and molloy for reviewing this chapter.

No baby otters were harmed in the production of this chapter (some, though, are still seeking therapy).

Leave a review, receive a reply.

KP © Disney.

* * *

Kim hated personality control. She'd been in this sitch before – Bortel's neural compliance chip, the moodulator, the Seniors' evil disco ball, not to mention Wade's so-called "bun warmer" – and, save the memory of lip smacking Ron in front of her locker, she didn't have much good to say about the experience. Her current predicament wasn't about to change her attitude, either.

_I kissed Drakken_, she thought with disgust. _Gorchy!_ And much to her annoyance, she felt compelled to kiss him again.

Someday, she told herself as she wandered around the confines of her mind, trying to ignore the vanilla scented aroma of the candles and the way-too-groovy voice of Barry White, she was going to have Wade make a machine that would allow her to manipulate fan fiction writers and artists the way they made her dance like a marionette. Sure it was an evil thing to want to do. But so was making her have eight green skinned, auburn haired babies with Shego or dance a torrid tango with Duff Killigan under a starry Brazilian sky.

Kim mentally tensed as she felt Drakken, or Drewbio as he was calling himself, wrap his arms around her waist. He was so busted when she got out of this sitch.

_I am so busted_, Drakken thought as he drew Kim near. _I kissed Kim Possible – and right in front of Shego! She's going to kill me. Possible is going to kill me. When the buffoon, whatever his name is, finds out, he'll step up monkey style, whatever that is, and kill me. And if James Possible finds out … Mother!_

Drakken did not enjoy personality control unless he was the one doing the controlling. It was one thing to make Lutz dance around like a chicken – that was all in the interests of evil science, after all. This, though, was wrong, wrong, wrong. Evil masterminds did not kiss their teen-aged foes. It violated the villain code, not to mention the I Don't Want Everyone To Think I'm a Dirty Old Man Or a Congressman Rule. By breaking the former, he was setting himself up for the scorn of his peers. And by running afoul of the latter, he was all but guaranteeing a tongue lashing from Mama Lipsky.

_I am so dead_, Drakken thought as he brought his lips to Kim's.

"You're so blue!" she cooed.

_You're so dead_, she thought.

"I so want to kiss you," she added.

_I so want to hurl_, she thought. _This is so many flavors of wrong!_

"And the Doctor wants to kiss you," Drewbio replied in his suavest tones.

_No! No! I do not want to kiss you! I want to kiss Shego!_ Drakken thought. _So what if she's lippy, disrespectful, and rude._ _She's actually old enough to drink something more potent than cocoa moo, though I do love my moo …_

As hero's and villain's lips were about to touch, Kim had only one thought: _Would someone get me out of this greechy mess NOW, please and thank you?_

"I want a stop put to this nonsense. Now!" Martin Smarty demanded as saw what was transpiring.

"But this is the kind of edgy romance that makes for a GINORMOUS box office!" Jimmy Blamhammer retorted.

"The only thing it makes for is an enormous spike in sales of Brain Soap," an unimpressed Martin countered. "The stuff has been flying off the shelves ever since Chapter Ten was posted."

"My creative people say this is scoring huge with the blue Lolita-loving crowd," Jimmy said as if that would resolve the matter.

"I don't care what your creative people say. This is wrong!" Martin Smarty protested. "There are traumatized readers and distraught baby otters all across this great land of ours thanks to this pairing."

"But the Kim-Drakken pairing is HUGE!" Jimmy insisted. "The way the public is eating it up is messing with my head!"

"Your head was already messed up," Martin said. "And the Kim-Drakken pairing is not huge. Kigo, which I don't like – it precludes the possibility of my getting together with the lovely Miss Wobakoff – is big. K/R is huge. This, however, is neither big nor huge. It's just, as Ronald would, sick and wrong."

"But it would leave Shego free for you!" Jimmy said, hoping he'd found a way to sway Martin.

"You have a point there," the businessman reflected. "But wouldn't that require the intervention of the author who created Drewbio?"

"Yes, it would," Jimmy said. "But if it kept Shego away from Kim and Drakken, I'm sure Drakimberly would be more than happy to help."

"A tempting offer," Martin said, "But I'd rather do this the old-fashioned way."

"Woo Shego with romance and affection?"

"No, buy her off. I'm a busy mogul, after all, with a multinational retail empire to run. Bargains don't take care of themselves, you know."

Jimmy, seeing his sponsor would not be moved, sighed. "Fine. I'll pull the plug," he said with regret as he pulled the plug from the wall socket.

"Well?" Martin asked expectantly.

"Nothing!" Jimmy said. "This is UNBELIEVABLE!"

"What? That's unacceptable!"

"Sorry, but Kim Possible and the Blue Guy are still looking at each other like a couple of love sick puppies. Hmm," Jimmy said thoughtfully, as inspiration struck. " Maybe we could find some author who can turn those two into puppies and have them fall in love. I can just see it now: _Puppy Love: Explosionator_!"

Martin rolled his eyes. "It's been done. Though it usually involves cats and Kim and Shego."

"Felines on film. I love it!" Jimmy said. "_Lesbian Kitty Cats From Outer Space_!" He whipped out his PDA, dialed a number, and, engrossed in his new big budget movie idea, wandered away, wildly gesticulating his free hand. "Melvin? Jimmy. Let me pitch you, baby …"

Martin sighed and shook his head. "Well, since I haven't a clue as to how to resolve this situation, there's only one thing to do: give someone a Larry." The owner of Smarty Mart reached into his suit pocket and withdrew an envelope, which he carefully tore open. "The winner of the award for most **Author Most Likely To Take Over the World Before She is Fifteen** is **kt** of **jakt**. Well done young lady," the billionaire announced grandly. "And, rather than give you an ugly trophy that will just collect dust on your book shelf, I've got something much better for you: a date with my boy Arty!"

_

* * *

To Be Continued ...  
_


	14. Face to Face

Special thanks to Comet Moon, sharpter1988, JAKT, Eddy13, Katsumara, Shrike176, Mr. Wizard, Shockwave88, Quathis, campy, CajunBear73, screaming phoenix, JCS1966, Love Robin, Sentinel103, Captain IT, Neo the Saiyan angel, whitem, Allaine, Molloy, EdStargazer, and RonHeartbreaker for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review, and someone will send a response (or a baby otter).

KP © Disney

**

* * *

FACE TO FACE**

**by Mr. Wizard**

"All right, we know who has Kim. We know what they want. And you're sure they've got help, this Deidre Lusional."

"You mean Dee Ranged!" Ron shouted. Boy was getting more unhinged by the minute. _Need to get moving before he goes all Monkey on us. _

"This is the lady who came up with the Sappho Ray?"

"Yeah. She thinks I'm holding Kim back; that I'm keeping her from her true destiny. She thinks I'm blinding Kim to her love of Shego."

This rant wasn't about jealousy. This Dee woman was the distillation of every snub, every insult, every school bully shake-down, every 'Hey-kid-would-you-move-you're-in-the-shot' that he had ever experienced in his long, long life. I hear you saying it; 'Long? He's just a kid.' No day is short when you have to put up with that sort of treatment.

Kim was more than his girlfriend. She was his center, his focus, his validation, everything that love is, and he'd do anything to protect her. Don't believe me? Just go ask a couple of big green meanies, but you can't, can you?

"I've think we've got more to worry about than some love beam."

"What do you mean?" Larry asked.

Bonnie looked worried. "They aren't going to, like rewrite everything? Not now that I've got my hands on a Euro-hottie with tons of cold, hard cash."

_Kid, your concern moves me. _"Well, I wouldn't worry too much, unless you don't like blonds."

"Blonds? Like Stoppable?" She gave the boy a dirty look. _Careful, girl, that's just the sort of thing that has our boy wound up so tight. _

"Actually, I was thinking more of a Queen B at Middleton High."

"Tara's not a…" Girl's eyes went wide.

"Blonde?"

The little hairless rodent shouted, "HEY!"

Ron nodded. "Right, Rufus. What's the bad news, Sasha?"

"This Deidre…this time she's coming after you."

Boy's eyes twitched. "That…that doesn't make sense. She thinks I'm nothing; besides, nobody goes after the sidekick!"

"It's not about what she thinks; it's about what she knows. Deidre knows you're in the way."

Officer Hobble agreed. "She's right, lad. Deidre may be crazy, but she's logical. Nothin' she did could draw Kim away from you. Removin' you is the next step."

"So let's get going." The tough look lasted for a moment then the boy deflated. "But where are we going?"

"Why don't you call your nerdlinger?" Bonnie asked Ron.

_Smart girl. _"Yeah, from what I hear your Wade is at least as smart as mine."

Boy shook his head. "Sorry, no can do."

"Why not?"

"Hink! Virus." His little buddy answered.

"Wade's sick?"

Officer Twill decided to be useful. "No, the World Think Link is. He's fighting the Gordian Virus. It's got the internet tied up in…"

"Cravats?"

Officer Tweed liked that. "Pretty much. It's why we've been using these clunky hand held units instead of our head sets."

"Yeah, you guys are real troupers. Then we do it the old fashioned way: get me a phone book."

Action picked Ron up. "If we're looking for time share lairs, they're under rentals."

"No. Warehouses."

Bonnie had her snark on. "Oh, you mean like some lame Fearless Ferret episode?" She drew a box in the air. "Meanwhile, at an abandoned warehouse."

"There's nothing lame about this. This is a bad situation, and bad things always happen in warehouses." My right arm gave a twinge; phantom limb syndrome delivered over real neurons.

"Know the suspects, know their objectives. Just need to find a suitable warehouse." Middleton has a lot of warehouses. Still didn't take long.

"Got it! The warehouse for the 'Blushing Bride Boutique'."

"A wholly owned subsidiary of Smarty Mart: where smart shoppers shop smart!" Ron, Rufus, Larry and Bonnie all looked sheepish. Larry provided the explanation. "Contractual obligation."

Bonnie had something to say. "I've been to the Boutique before, it's not a warehouse."

_Somebody just has to play Reneca and defy logic. _"Address puts it in the warehouse district. Martin Smarty's shrewd; he buys a big warehouse and converts the front area into a store. Lot less expensive than having a smaller warehouse supplying a swank store in the shopping district."

"But why a bridal…" Ron's voice trailed off and his face grew pale.

"Can you think of a bigger statement? And to Deidre taking you out will be the exclamation point."

My logic was as flawless as my figure. Everyone was on board now, time to lay out the plan. "We need to get in there. Way I see it, they may or may not have them tied up, but they've definitely got them dressed up. Once we get in through the back I'll…"

"Excuse me, ma'am." Tweed actually gave off a cop vibe. "We're ready for this." He pulled out his little black walkie talkie." "It's a go."

"So, who did you call?"

Now the two were in their element. Tweed picked up the ball. "All awards events get automatic back up by a SWAM unit."

"SWAM?"

"Special Wardrobe And Makeup." Twill shut up when three more suits came in, pushing racks of clothes, a cart loaded down with makeup, a small desk and a chair. They were thin and good looking. One feathered blond, a guy with swept back black hair and one with short brown hair and glasses.

"Special Officers Guile, Larsen and Skorn," Twill announced.

"Hey! Hey! I know these guys!" Ron pointed. "They're the Treacherous Trio! They ramp up villain's cribs."

"Son, they've never committed a crime of fashion," Tweed stated flatly.

"And they do great work, fast," Twill enthused. "Did you see 'Evil Eye' last week? They made Professor Dementer's castle homey without sacrificing its megalomanical grandeur."

He started to motion to me. "Good to see you, Gentlemen. Our subject…"

"Say no more…we're on it!" Had to say I was surprised when they all ran over to Bonnie.

"These are the ones you hate to see." Guile shook his head.

"Hair and makeup are good. And love the tan." Larsen put in his two cents.

"Of course they are." The girl flipped her hair.

"But the dress!" The men chorused. "It's just ghastly!"

Bonnie was steaming from the embarrassment. "Those Fashionista liars! They said it would fool anyone."

The dark haired one went arms akimbo. His buddies and the T boys posed behind him. "Honey, we aren't just anyone…we're the Fashion Police. And, Tweed, we've got the right suit for you."

"Thanks." He mumbled.

_Enough already. _"Hey, you're not here for her, you're here for me."

Guile gave me the eye. "Last season, Drakken's lair – you're Shego! Why you drop the harlequin look? It worked for you."

Middleton's finest spoke up. "This is Sergeant Barkin of the Go City PD, another Go City, another dimension."

"Got to say, love the trench coat and fedora." Skorn gave me the nod. "Some things never go out of style."

_I've got it, in any dimension. _"Look, we're sneaking into the 'Blushing Bride Boutique'…"

"A wholly owned…"

"CAN IT!!!" _Great, I think another hormone surge is here. _"Can we just get me ready?"

SWAM guys were pros. They had table, chair and screen up and running in minutes. The guys wanted to start from the ground up, so to speak. I pulled my shirt open to show them I had the Big Night covered.

At the moment I was not exactly in control of myself. Think I was as much fun to be around as I was before my actual wedding. My partner and Maid of Honor, Reneca, later told me they had a code name for any room containing me and Mom: Borodino.

"Ow! Skorn, that a brush or a pitchfork? And yes, Larsen, I am experiencing retention issues of a sort. Don't try to whisper around a cop! Keep it up and I won't retain the pain!"

Like I said, pros; they didn't look at all put out. I teared up. "I'm sorry."

"No, we're sorry." Can't say they weren't quick on the uptake. Larsen was the first to smile. "Congratulations! Do you have a sonogram?"

"Got the peanut picture. It's on the digifob with the pictures of Marsha."

Guile joined in. "You already have one? My, they start young in your dimension." Like I said: pros in every way. Can't stay mad when I'm showing off my little girl. I gave the slide show while they finished the hair and makeup and put the veil on. I stood up and Larsen pulled back the screen.

"Here's a good girl who looks bad! Another mission accomplished thanks to SWAM!"

I was a hit of course. Pretty sure I blushed a bit. After handing Bonnie a nice dress (a Miguel Flores original) and a really nasty snark ("You want to lift and separate, not issue a dual restraining order.") the Treacherous Trio was off for another mission. Don't know which side it was for but I'm sure the results looked good.

"All right, let's go." Ron started for the door when I stopped him. "What?"

"Ron, I don't think this will fit in a patrol car."

"Yeah, I see your point." The boy rubbed the back of his neck. Then his face lit up. "Hey! We've got the Smarty Mart van out back, we can use it!"

"Not a limo, but it'll work. Okay, it's me, Ron, Hobble and Twill and Tweed."

"Hink! Hey!" The pink head looked around from Ron's shoulder.

"You too, Rufus."

"What about me?" Larry wanted to know. "After all, I have extensive experience with every imaginable sort of enemy."

"You mean, imaginary." Bonnie shouted from behind a curtain.

"Excuse me, but Dementer was real, and my advice to Ron was integral to his defeat of Monkey Fist." Larry adjusted his glasses. "Any party of warriors is no better than the sage who accompanies them."

"Uh, right. It's just that you need to stay. Show must go on and all that."

"It is my show." He ruminated. "I guess Bonnie and I can stay."

_Good. Don't want any civilians getting caught in the cross fire, and they don't look any more civilian than you. _

His co-host came out in her dress. It did look good on her. "You know, Sasha, I don't see why you need a van. Just, like, wish yourself there."

"Beg pardon?"

The girl checked her hair while she talked. Think I was the only one listening to her. The guys (except for Ron) were checking out the result of her following Skorn's advice. Flores really likes to show what a girl has going on up front. "Sasha, your genre is noir, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well, how are most noir stories told?"

"First person narrative. Lot of people don't like it, think it limits the reader's view too much, but it's the only way to convey the uncertainty of the world in which the character moves."

"And if you're the narrator," she gave me a look, "isn't that the same thing as being the writer? I mean, you say things and they happen."

"Kid, I'm a lot of things but omnipotent isn't one of them."

"How do you know?"

Maybe I was channeling Mom; her notion of me being Godlike set me off. "So whaddya want me to do, just wish Kim here? How about this: Shego, get your butt here now!"

Think we all jumped when the air started to shimmer. All except for Rufus, he fainted. The dress was a bit different, a little higher in the front, a lot lower in the back. _What would your Mom have said? _Looked like our hair was the same length, but her skin had a faint green undertone, guess it was the radiation thing. When she turned around it was definitely my face, same green eyes, same curl of the lip, all capped off with the Go City need to say what you see. I felt the same thing.

"I can't believe you wore white."

We took a step toward each other when Ron asked, "Aren't you guys going to say 'jinx'? One of you owes the other a soda."

"No," we answered at the same time. I looked back to her.

"I don't know the game."

"You're not missing anything," Green girl sniffed before giving me a good hard look. "You're not a clone."

"No, she's a better person." Hobble said. "Shego, this is Sergeant Sasha Barkin of the Go City PD."

Green girl's eyes bugged out. "Barkin? You can't mean…"

"Stevie? Six years last month. Still going strong"

She examined my hair line. "I don't see a lobotomy scar."

_There is one scar, but only Stevie and the doctor ever get to see it. _"From what I heard, you kinda liked your version."

"Well, he had his moments." Shego pursed her lips. Then she gave the little smile that means I'm having a happy memory. "Even found the Caribbean lair and penetrated the outer defenses. He even got through with the flowers intact." She deflated. "Then…"

"He started singing? I'm sorry."

"How did you know?"

"I could see the aural pain in your eyes. What did you do? Kim said he never mentioned you after that."

"I set the dogs on him. It was that or let the poor things howl. Not even a pasted together boy band deserves to have that done to their music."

"Hey, are we going to swap Mr. B stories all day?" Ron was actually getting testy. "Where's Kim, Shego?"

"Yeah, where's Little Sister?"

"Little Sister?" She frowned. "So she got under your skin, huh?"

"It wasn't just me was it?" I stepped up close enough to whisper. "It was nice, wasn't it? Having a girl around after growing up in boysville. You don't have to nod."

An Irish accent broke up the moment. "I hate to interrupt a family reunion, but answer the question, Shego. Where did you last see Kimberly Ann Possible?"

"In the lair…with my Dr. D!" Shego snarled.

"W-What?" Ron stammered.

Green girl was not happy. "You heard me. She was in a wedding dress like me, in his arms. They were playing tonsil hockey and getting ready to play hide the…"

"EEEEEEE!!!!" Rufus passed out again. Ron caught the little guy, handed him to Larry and charged over.

"What are you saying?" he yelled. "That Drakken and KP were going…"

Shego took a deep breath. "Look, one minute Pumpkin and I were getting away from a bunch of guys with very active imaginations. The next, we're in the lair, only it's now a love nest with Drakken starring in some Mormon girl's nightmare."

"Hey, now. My Dr. D isn't all blue and scarred but he's cute in his own way. But Kim falling for him?"

"I'm telling you, there was something up. The man works out a little but this body was ripped! Muscles just the right size and in perfect proportion." Her eyes glazed, cheeks flushed, breathing grew shallow. "He looked like a god. We picked up where we left off before my massage appointment, only this time it was a threesome."

"Kim k-k-kissed him?" Monkey Boy quavered.

"Oh, yeah. And that wasn't all that was on her mind, I bet." Shego went back and forth between two different kinds of hot. "Those black eyes could melt your clothes off."

"CLOTHES OFF?!" Ron squealed.

Leopard can't change its spots. Shego just had to rub it in. "Stoppable, your Kimmie has a thing for big blue meanies. Eyes all fluttering, bodice heaving."

"Bodice?" the boy blinked.

Shego put a hand to her face. "Oy, I forgot about using college words around you." She made a little move toward him. "I would guess her head lights were on, if you know what I mean."

He sagged. "KP and Drakken, that's so sick and wrong. Wrongsick, just wrongsick."

"Hey, you're not a complete moron." She said. "Now, we need to get back before those two do something I'd make them regret."

"We aren't going to the lair. We're going to the warehouse where this all started. We're gonna shut SOS down."

She gave me a snort. "Don't think those guys were the ones behind the whole Three Way Tango we had going at the lair. And I bet the Ronnuts didn't ramp Dr. D up either."

Monkey Boy was mumbling to himself. "So she likes them mean and blue…"

_Great, we've got to get moving before he does something stupid. _"You mean there's another writers' faction?"

"Yeah, who'd a thought the Buffoon has his own fanboys?" Her lip curled. "They went too far in their calling Kimmie a glory hog, but hey, any chance to jump Pumpkin."

_Can't resist a dig myself. _"Didn't think you were that kind of girl."

Shego dropped the grin. "Watch the lip, sister."

"Sounds like that's your game. I bet you feuded with Sophia Guggenheim at St. Ag's. But maybe there was more to it in your case."

"Just what are you saying?" Green girl was snarling, everyone was quiet. Everyone except Ron; he just kept muttering something to himself.

"You know: blond, tan, long legs sticking out of a plaid skirt. Bet you stole a peek or ten in the showers. Maybe you helped her lather her back."

She was shaking now. "If sophomore class if over, maybe we can get back to the lair. I want my Dr. D back…a little built, a lot needy, and ALL MINE!"

"No way, we're going to the warehouse! That's where it started, that's where the perps are, and that's where we end it!"

"You're as hide bound as Hank!" she roared.

"That's it! You're learning some manners!"

"If that's what KP wants, that's what she'll get," Ron declared and ran off the stage. _What is he talking about?_

Shego and I stopped our confrontation just long enough for us to both ask, "Where are you going?"

"I need an Attitudinator!" Then we heard him slam the door.

Shego's eyes narrowed. "Jinx, I owe you a beating."

"You think you got it? Bring it!"

For once Bonnie sounded genuinely concerned. "Sasha, do you think you should fight in your condition?"

"Don't worry. I'm not controllin' this, but I have it on good authority that the kitchen will be just fine."

Shego yelled. "I don't care about your kitchen…I'm cleaning your clock!"

Have to admit it, if I'd been thinking straight, those hands flaring green would've given me pause. Thing was, I wasn't thinking about comet powered fists, all I saw was an open gut. I dove, put my shoulder down and into her bread basket, dropping her for a big loss.

The hands went out with her breath. We went down in a tangle of white satin and lace. I pulled up and went for where I knew she would be vulnerable on the jaw line. Her palm beat my fist to my jaw and I went flying. She powered up again, I barely got to my feet before she attacked. I blocked one fist and ducked another. She stopped my knee strike with her own. That was as fancy as our legwork got in those big heavy skirts. Fists did most of the talking. From what I had once thought were Kim's paranoid rants I knew her glow could be combustive or concussive. If I could keep close, there was no way she'd risk becoming a twin cinder.

Some idiot tried to break us up and got blasted into next week. I caught her arm and pulled her to me. Plan was to employ what both Mom and Daddy call the hardest part of my anatomy. Unfortunately, Shego had the same idea.

The tiaras holing our veils locked. With all the pins and lacquer keeping them in place we were touching foreheads. We fought across the stage: punching and gouging and shouting things that I won't repeat out of respect for and English and Polish readers.

My eye caught something coming up fast. "Footlights!"

"What?" Shego growled.

We tottered on the edge of the stage. One of us grabbed her own hair and pulled. (Look, I don't know who did it, all right? You try fighting your own extra-dimensional doppelganger sometime. It's very confusing.) That pull was all we needed to go over the edge.

I could see the hard wood floor coming up. Then everything went white.

_

* * *

To Be Continued …_


	15. Subtext Messaging?

Love Robin, Comet Moon, Shockwave88, CajunBear73, FortressMaximus, Katsumara, JCS1966, Quathis, screaming phoenix, Captain IT, Sentinel103, RedBlueGreen, Shrike176, whitem, Molloy, sharper1988, airwalker999, and RonHeartbreaker for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and I'll send a response.

Special, special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter; the baby otters are in the mail and they've all been housetrained.

KP © Disney; original characters © the author.

* * *

No baby others were hurt in the production of this chapter. The same cannot be said for some fan fiction clichés …

* * *

Dee, the Sons of Sappho, the Rongolem™ and the Ronnuts jogged down the empty corridor of the warehouse. The Kigophiles and Ronboys had reached an uneasy truce, agreeing to join forces and search for Kim (and in the case of Dee, Shego). As the two parties continued their hunt, the frustrated inventor of the Sappho Ray began to daydream of a world where everything was as it should be, where the teen hero and the snarky villain were united in love and lust …

_Ron Stoppable wasn't the sharpest tool in the box but even he knew something big was up when Kim walked into the recently rebuilt Bueno Nacho._

_Or, more accurately, waddled._

"_Hi, Ron!" she said brightly as she eased herself into their accustomed booth._

"_Uh, hi, KP," he said, unsure of what to make of his girlfriend._

_For starters, she was wearing a green and black jumpsuit._

_Then there was the dog collar around her neck._

_Finally, she was big. Well, ginormous, actually. Ron would have sworn Kim was pregnant, but considering she'd been her normal, trim self when he'd dropped her off at home after their movie date the previous evening, he was sure there had to be some other, villain-related, explanation._

"_So, what up?" he asked nervously, not wanting to say any more lest he put his size 12 sneaker in his mouth._

"_Here's the sitch," Kim said as she reached across the table and took Ron's hand in hers. "After you left last night I realized I was a lesbian."_

"_O-kaaay," said Ron, his head spinning._

"_I also realized I was in love with Shego," Kim added. "So I went to the lair and gave myself to her."_

"_Gave yourself to her?"_

"_I finally understood that my take-charge attitude was my way of hiding from the fact that what I really wanted was to totally submit myself to someone else. So, I gave myself to Shego. I'm hers, now."_

"_Okay, the Ronster is probably going to regret asking this, but, uh, how did you know you loved her?"_

"_It was Graduation," Kim said._

"_You mind explaining that in case my naco doesn't understand?" Ron replied, gesturing at his uneaten Tex-Mex treat._

_Kim smirked, then answered. "We were all flying down the corridor of Warhok and Warmonga's spaceship and I wondered aloud what to do next and Shego snidely said 'You're the hero, Kimmie. I thought you could do anything.' It was then I realized that her snarkiness was really her way of expressing her affection for me. All of a sudden, everything made sense: the derisive names, the hitting, kicking and punching, standing by as Drakken tried to boil me in chocolate ganache: she was crazy for me but too shy to say so."_

"_Someone's crazy, that's for sure," Ron mumbled, earning an icy glare from Kim. "So," he stammered, trying to move the conversation along, "You've uh, put on a couple of pounds. Not that you don't look good."_

_Mollified by the compliment, Kim set her annoyance aside and smiled. "After I realized I was a lesbian – which was such the surprise since I've never even looked at a girl that way and I really have enjoyed all of the lip-smacking we've done, including the goodnight kiss we shared yesterday – Shego and I decided to have hot sex all night long. Then she had Drakken impregnate me with her children."_

"_Drakken … impregnate …" Ron sputtered as his stomach began to do belly flips._

"_Ron Stoppable!" Kim said reprovingly when she realized what he thought she'd meant. "He impregnated me with a machine."_

"_Gotcha," Ron said, suspecting it wasn't a wise idea to remind Kim of Drakken's overall track record as an inventor. Then something occurred to him: "You know, I may only be master of the Gentleman's C here, but 'children' means more than one. You and Shego are actually going to have tweebs?"_

_Kim shuddered. "I so hope not. One set of Jim and Tim is so the drama as it is." She shook her head, trying to drive the image of a second set of Tweebs from her mind. "No, we're going to have octuplets."_

"_You're giving birth to an icky, tentacled sea creature?" Ron exclaimed. "That is sick and wrong! Wrong sick!"_

_Kim rolled her eyes. "Ron, octuplets means I'm going to have eight babies."_

_Ron's eyes bugged out. "Eight? Isn't that a lot?"_

"_Check the motto," Kim said. "I can do anything."_

_Just then, the door swung open and a very smug Shego waltzed in. "Hey Jumbo, Buffoon."_

"_Hi, Shego!" Kim said before turning to Ron and adding sotto voce, "I so love the pet names!"_

_Shego pulled out a rolled-up newspaper from the pouch on her leg and swatted Kim on the nose._

"_Hey!" Ron protested. "You can't do that to KP!"_

"_It's okay, Ron," Kim said as she rubbed her nose. "It's my bad."_

"_You want to try again, Miss Bubblebutthead?" Shego demanded._

"_Hi, Mistress!" Kim said obediently._

_  
"Much better," Shego said. "So, you dumped Stoppable here?"_

"_Yes," Kim said to the green-hued woman before she turned back to her ex. "Still best friends though? And you'll still go on missions and risk your life for me, right?"_

"_Uh, yeah sure," Ron said, though at that moment, overwhelmed by what was happening, he would have agreed to anything._

"_Spankin'," Kim said._

"_Okay, time to go," Shego said as she clipped a leash to Kim's collar and yanked her out of her seat._

"_See you later!" Kim said as she stumbled to her feet._

"_Uh, right, later," Ron replied._

_As Kim approached the door, she turned to see her ex-boyfriend, who looked lost and alone. "You know, maybe you could ask out Bonnie," she suggested._

"_Me and Bon-Bon?" an incredulous Ron asked._

"_Why not?" Kim said as she followed Shego out the door. "After all, anything's possible …"_

Dee sighed, moved by her romantic reverie, more determined than ever to bring her dream of a Kim-Shego union to pass. She was surprised when the National Express deliveryman stepped out from the shadows and blocked her path.

"Pardon me, but I'm on an important mission," she said.

"That's what all you villains say," he replied wearily. "Here," he added as he handed the surprised woman an envelope.

"For me?"

"Well it sure ain't for me," he said as he held out a clipboard. "Sign here."

Dee complied. As the man wandered off, she tore open the envelope. "Hmm. It looks like I get to award a Larry. The winner for **Kigo Story With Best Reference to Jurassic Park **is **whitem**, author of **Lust Potion Number 9**. As a special treat, Kim and Shego, whenever they turn up, will expose whitem to his own creation and lock him a room with Frugal Lucre. Congratulations, Big Guy!"

_

* * *

To Be Continued …_


	16. Smackdown in Drewbio's Town

Thanks to Mr. Wizard, whitem, Shockwave88, Love Robin, Fortress Maximus, Comet Moon, JCS1966, Molloy, daywalkr82, CajunBear73, campy, Quathis, Katsumara, Eddy13, screaming phoenix, RedBlueGreen, Joe Stoppinghem, Allaine, Sentinel103, Nikoaginistes, and Mahler Avatar for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and I'll send a reply.

Thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

KP © Disney

* * *

The Rongolem™ was a vision of grace and all-around so-bad-he's-frosty-coolness as he sailed through the air, his powerful leg extended before him. When his size eleven boot made impact with the Pixie Scout-proof steel door, the reinforced barrier collapsed like the proverbial clichéd house of cards beneath the perfectly placed strike. He landed with assuredness in the lair's main control room and quickly surveyed his surroundings: the giant video monitor, the assorted doomsday weapons, the hot and steamy hot tub – and the oh-so-gauche heart-shaped bed.

The Ronnuts ran in behind their leader, their keyboards at the ready. They exchanged high fives when they saw the bed. It was there, on the lurid pink satin sheets, that they would have the Rongolem™ make Possible, after she'd been turned into a simpering, guilt-ridden bimbo who repeatedly hit the high notes and finally 'fessed up to the fact that all of her success was the result of their hero's efforts, his.

Dee and the SOS followed quickly on the heels of the Ron partisans. Looking around Drakken's lair, Dee and her cohort had their own ideas, convinced that they had found the perfect place for Kim and Shego to finally be united in Sapphic love.

"Righteous!" College Boy declared the moment he spotted the hot tub, captivated by visions of Kim and Shego cavorting amidst the bubbles _au natural_. Dee, the Academic, and the Middle Aged Guy all enthusiastically nodded their agreement. After all, even though Kigo was about the careful plot-driven development of a complex, multi-layered relationship involving adversaries-turned-lovers, there was nothing wrong with extended lesbian martial arts hot tub sex scenes.

The Rongolem™ cocked his ear. "What was that?"

"Sounds like Lou Rawls," one of the Ronnuts suggested.

The Rongolem™ scowled. "Not that, you idiot. I'm talking about the moaning."

"Oh, that," the abashed Ronnut said.

The Rongolem™ made his way to the mysterious sound, followed by the Ronnuts, Dee, and the SOS. "By the way, it's not Lou Rawls," the Rongolem™ said authoritatively to his fanboy. "It's Barry White's Love Unlimited Orchestra playing _Love's Theme_."

The Ronnut nodded worshipfully while Dee and the SOS sneered in a manner that would have done Shego proud. All discussion of the Seventies soulful baritone ended when the two groups of partisans turned the corner and discovered the source of the mysterious moans: Drakken, wearing a white shirt open to his navel, who lay on the floor clutching his stomach. Adding to the surreal tableau, Kim, still wearing her wedding dress, was kneeling by his side.

"What happened here?" the Rongolem™ demanded as he noticed lipstick on Drakken's cheeks and Kim's mussed hair.

"It's obvious," Dee said. "Drakken made some moves on Kim, but she resisted. Clearly, the one she wants to be with is Shego!"

Kim looked at Dee as if the woman had grown a second head. "And I would want to be with Shego why?" she offered before she gazed lovingly upon the clearly distressed Drakken. "I have Drewbio! Isn't he a ten and a half on the scrumptious meter?"

"Sick and wrong!" all of the partisans chorused in rare unanimity.

"But why?" Kim asked plaintively. "He's so blue," she cooed as she ran a finger along his jaw line, "and so bad," she added huskily.

The Rongolem™ watched with growing jealousy as an obviously besotted Kim fawned over Drakken. This was how the ersatz Ron had imagined her – simpering, enthralled, submissive – but with him, not some blue-skinned idiot with a mullet set free. Still, despite his deepening envy, he wanted to know what was going on. He was, after all, designed to be the baddest, coolest action-hero around, one who took no prisoners and got all of the answers.

"If you're so into Blue Boy," he forced himself to ask, "Why did you deck him?"

"Deck him?" Kim asked, confused by the question.

"You know, hit him," Dee explained. "The way you love to hit Shego when you're flirting!"

"What are you talking about?" a confused Kim asked. "I so don't flirt with Shego."

"Sure you do," Dee said. "A close sub-textual—"

"Enough!" the Rongolem™ bellowed at Dee. "You had your fantasy in the last chapter. It's time to move on." He then turned to Kim. "If you didn't hit Drakken, why is he lying on the ground, writhing in pain?"

"Moooooo," Drakken moaned.

"Does he think he's a cow?" the Academic asked.

"Moooooo," Drakken moaned a second time.

The Rongolem™'s sunglass-covered eyes scanned the lair. He noticed a small glass on the floor, lying on its side in a viscous brown puddle about two feet from where Drakken lay. The Rongolem™'s stern visage morphed into one of horror. "For the love of nacos," he whispered.

"What is it?" Dee asked.

"The fool," he muttered. "What was he thinking?"

"What? What?"

"Fan fiction trope 3; it's common to all genres and ships."

Dee gasped in disbelief. "You don't mean …"

"I do. Despite Kim's having mastered the blender by the end of "Two to Tutor," it's a given among all genres and ships that Kim Possible in the kitchen is the narrative equivalent of the Perfect Storm," the Rongolem™ said before he turned his attention back to Kim. "You made him something to eat or drink, didn't you?"

"Cocoa Moo and Nana's Lemon Squares," Kim answered brightly. "They're Drewbio's favorites."

Dee was shocked. "He ate _and_ drank something Kim prepared?"

The Rongolem™ grimaced, then nodded. Then he grabbed Kim by the arm and pulled her to her feet.

"What are you doing?" Dee asked.

"Taking her with me," he answered. "It's time for this madness to end and for Possible to fulfill her destiny as my dependent sidekick."

"I don't think so," Dee protested as she took Kim's other arm. "She belongs with Shego!"

Before the argument could escalate, a massive explosion rocked the lair, blowing out monitors and vanilla-scented candles, toppling doomsday equipment, and shaking loose large pieces of the ceiling. After the dust settled a lone figure stormed through the breach in the wall.

"Give me back my girlfriend!"

Kim's eyes locked onto the newcomer, who was wearing familiar olive cargo pants, a black mock t-shirt – and a Tyrolean future hat. He was bluer than Drewbio, definitely badder, with cute freckles and much larger hands. Her heart thundered and her knees went weak. "Zorpox!" she gushed.

"Kimberly Anne Possible!" he replied, extending his hand in invitation.

Kim did something only a teen hero can do – effortlessly flip both Rongolem™ and Dee, slamming both to the floor, hard – and raced to her evil blue boyfriend. "Let's ace this place," she cooed.

"I like the way you think!" Zorpox leered as he wrapped his arm around Kim's waist.

"Not so fast!"

The two teens turned to see Dee Lusional pointing a weapon at herself. Ron and Kim exchanged a confused glance.

"Kimberly Anne, shouldn't she be pointing that at us?" Zorpox asked.

Kim nodded. "I'm so going to regret this, but you're aiming that at yourself why?"

"With this," Dee declared in suitably grandiloquent fashion for a villain, "the Chronos Cannon, I can travel in time. All I need to do is use this voice-activated control to declare my destination. I'll be going to go back to May 1982 and make sure his parents never meet."

"Which means I'll never be born …" Zorpox deduced.

"… So Ron—" Kim said as realization of Dee's plot dawned.

"Zorpox, Kimberly Anne," he corrected.

"Don't push it," she shot back.

"Got it," he said.

"—and I will never become best friends or date," Kim said, a none-too-pleased expression on her face

"Leaving you free to fulfill your true destiny with Shego!"

Kim rolled her eyes. "I'm so not interested in Shego. First off, she's green, not blue—"

"Enough!" Dee barked. "All I have to announce is the year I plan to go to and it will be ta ta Ron Stoppable!"

"That's Zorpox, Dee."

"Whatever," she said as she activated the voice-operated controls. "Farewell, I'm off to '82!"

A blinding light filled the lair and Dee was gone. Ron, or Zorpox as he now preferred to be called, was still very much present.

"I don't need my superior intelligence and analytical abilities to know that if Dee successfully went back in time and executed her plan, you shouldn't be here," the Rongolem™ said to Zorpox.

"You have a point," he conceded. "What do you think went wrong, Kimberly Anne?"

"So don't know, so don't care," Kim said breathily as she draped her arms around her evil BFBF's neck and brought her lips to his. "Now conquer me, Conqueror Boy."

Zorpox looked at the Rongolem™ sympathetically and shrugged. "Can't argue with a girl who knows sixteen kinds of kung fu, can I?" he asked as dipped Kim and began smacking lips with her.

"Possible's supposed to be mine!" the Rongolem™ roared.

Zorpox rolled his eyes and broke the kiss, much to Kim's disappointment. "Sorry, but I have to deal with Chuckles," he said to her. He then reached down to his utility belt and removed a small device, looked over his shoulder and fired at the Rongolem™. A blue beam lanced out and enveloped the simulacrum, causing it to disappear.

"What did you do with him?" an astonished Ronnut asked.

"Keyed into the time-stream frequency Dee used and sent the Not-So-Über Me to wherever Dee Mented is."

"Cool," College Boy reluctantly conceded.

"Of course it's cool! I'm Zorpox the Conqueror. I'm the Big D—"

His rant was cut off by Kim, whose need for her bad, blue boyfriend was not to be ignored.

As the Conqueror and his smitten girlfriend continued to lock lips, the two groups of leaderless partisans shuffled their feet and looked at each other aimlessly.

"So, now what?" the Middle Aged Kigo fan wondered.

"I heard there's an All-You-Can-Eat special at Cow 'n Chow," offered one of the Ronnuts.

"I'm there," the Academic said.

"Me too," agreed another of the Ronnuts.

"Should we give out an award or something before we go?" the Academic asked.

"Good idea," College Boy said. "The Larry for Steamiest Scene involving a Hot—"

"The Larry for **Best Lad Lit** goes to **yvj**," the Academic interjected.

"'Lad lit'?" the College Boy asked. "What's that?"

"It's chick lit, for guys. But if it makes you feel any better, yvj does the hot and steamy pretty well too."

"Awesome!" College Boy enthused. "yvj, you rock, dude!"

He turned to follow his friends, new and old. As he and the other fan fiction writers left, and Zorpox and Kim continued locking lips, the velvet-smooth Barry White and a plaintive, forlorn moo could be heard from Drakken's lair.

_

* * *

To Be Continued …_


	17. Attitude Adjustment

Special thanks to Comet Moon, CajunBear73, Mr. Wizard, Love Robin, whitem, Captain IT, Shockwave88, campy, Eddy13, Katsumara, Quathis, JCS1966, Sentinel103, screaming phoenix, Joe Stoppinghem, EdStargazer, Molloy, and sharper1988 for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Let's have a big round of applause for our Speical Guest Author, Mr. Wizard!

Leave a review and someone will send a response.

KP © Disney; Sasha © Mr. Wizard.

**

* * *

Attitude Adjustment by Mr. Wizard**

"Floor! Where's the floor!"

"What are you talking about?" Shego shouted. She pulled on my shoulder and we flipped. "It's all white! Snap!"

"Snap? What kind of language is that coming from us?"

"The 'T' rated kind. Looks like we're back in the TV."

_Weird, we're still falling but we're not picking up any speed. _"Kim told me about that. Maybe this is different."

She gave me a sneer, really nasty when you're touching foreheads. "You're telling me I don't know what I'm talking, flat foot? It's just like before, a blank screen."

"Not a blank screen, you _idiota_, a blank page. We fell off the end of a chapter."

"You mean we fell of the edge of a cliffhanger?" she rolled her eyes. "Oy, even here I'm surrounded by geeks!"

Maybe she didn't mean to include me in that, but between the fight and hormones I just took it that way. There was a new flurry of punches. I think mutual soreness brought it to a stop. That, and when you've been falling for a good minute you just calm down. Green girl tried to look around.

"So if we're falling onto a page, where are we gonna land?"

"I'd say the Blushing Bride Boutique. We can wrap this all up there."

"Hey, Sherlock, nobody's there anymore. We need to land at the lair. Why didn't they get Sherlock anyway?"

"Hobble went to the Pan-Dimensional Donut Shop. Holmes and the Christie types all hang out at the Pan-Dimensional Tea House. You tryin' to say a Go don't cut it for you?"

She shook her head, which meant that she shook mine too. "I'm saying we could use some logic right now. Then I wouldn't have to waste my time explaining why it's going to go down at the lair."

"It won't happen at the lair, it'll go down at the warehouse."

"Oh, really?" I got an eyeful of me. "What makes you say that?"

"Bad things always happen in warehouses, you know that. How many times did you and the Princess throw down around the big boxes?"

"A few, but we also tangled in labs and lairs, museums and rooftops, actually we've fought pretty much everywhere."

"But that don't change where the bad guys are, that's a warehouse!"

"Who cares where the bad guys are? The Princess and Dr. D. are in the lair! That's where we end this."

"Warehouse!"

"Lair!"

"WAREHOUSE!"

"LAIR!"

Thud! We hit the ground. It was sandy, a bit damp, and it brought the fight back to both of us. I held her by her wrists, her hands glowed. We were on the ground; all we could do was roll. Finally we stopped. She was nose to nose with me; I was getting an eyeful of Cyclops.

"Lair." She gloated. "Guess you aren't the power behind the keyboard. Or maybe you are, and your gut went over your one-warehouse mind."

"It's your noggin too, Sister."

_Now I've seen it, I hate that smile too. _"Just one difference, I was right."

"All right! Now you're gonna get it!" I rolled us over again. The tiaras finally broke free. I raised myself up, ready to let go and start punching when I looked up.

We were being watched. Intently. There were two separate groups: Two middle aged men and a college boy had some sort of science fiction guns. _Must be the SOS. _The others in hockey shirts holding keyboards had to be the Ronnuts.

"What are those guns?" I asked Shego.

"Sappho Rays. Let's just say you'd be over your Stevie real fast." Green girl pushed me. "Let me up before…"

ZAP!! College Boy tried to point his ray at us. One of the older guys grabbed it before it could go off. The ray hit a line of ants who, being ants, never noticed their new orientation.

"What were you thinking?" the older guy demanded in a tone that reminded me of my old Brit Lit professor.

"That I just saw the best fight ever! I thought Kim and Shego were something to watch but…" Boy had a really weird gleam in his eye.

"But who knows what would happen if you hit two women with the ray while they're in contact with each other…" The other middle aged guy said. Seven faces went green.

"Sick and wrong. SICK AND WRONG!"

College Boy shrugged. "Why? It's not like they're related. And all this time I thought that only Kim was worthy of Shego. That simpering goody-goody? Shego needs somebody who shares her devil-may-care attitude, not somebody worried about what others think or feel."

"What are you saying?" The Professor gasped.

"That Shego puts the bop in her own bop she-bop she-bop!" The boy shouted. He punched something on his wrist and ran for the portal. "Later, guys, I'm off to create a new slash!"

"Yeah, you're off all right." Shego muttered. I could feel her powering up so I jumped off. The boy got away; all she did was blast the wall. She turned from her first target to the other guys. They tossed the Sappho Rays onto each other. Shego turned them into slag.

"Smart move." I said. "Now just remember…"

"Don't worry, we're through with them." The middle aged guy said.

The Professor nodded. "He's right. The story universes are autonomous. Trying to force them to accede to logic is acting like Canonites on our part."

"'Canonites' hey, I like that." The older Ronnut said.

The Professor went on. "Anyway, the real target wouldn't be here anyway. That Kim Possible is flying in the summer night in her SLOTH, locking lips with Ron Stoppable and surrounded by enough lawyers to give the Devil himself pause.

"Come on, guys, let's go. You two be careful."

"Careful? About what?"

A younger Ronnut spoke. "Zorpox is in there."

"Zorpox? What's a Zorpox?" I asked Shego.

"A good Ron gone bad." She answered.

"That's a problem?"

"You'd be surprised."

"Another truism across fandom, Zorpox is the mightiest foe Kim ever faces." The youngest Ronnut said proudly. "He's smart, strong, and knows all of Kim's and the other villains' moves before they do. You don't stand a chance."

Shego looked actually worried. "Thanks for the vote of no-confidence. If we're lucky, all blue boy's up to is trying to run the bases, so to speak. Don't know how the Princess would feel about that once she gets her mind back."

_I'm betting she'd think it's about time. Wait a minute, different worlds. Only one way to find out. _"So, Shego, how's your Mom?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oy, don't get me started. She called this morning. 'Sasha, you're in Greece? You aren't wanted in the States anymore, why don't you come up for a visit. We'd all love to see you. If you want you can bring that heroic Dr. Lipski. If you aren't with him anymore I met the nicest man yesterday. Only thirty and already a full partner at his law firm.' To sum it up, same as always."

"She sounds like a pip."

"She is. But Dad's still crazy about her."

"Nice to see some things don't change no matter where you go." I gave the doorway a look. "Guess there isn't any other way in?"

"There's an underwater route to the hidden boat launch. And they always used the ventilation ducts but I'd say the dresses nix either of those. Unless you want to strip down."

Her words were just loud enough for the other guys to hear. They slowed down.

"No! What I've got on underneath is for Stevie's eyes only."

"You actually married him? What got into you?" She raised a glowing finger. "And don't give me the obvious."

"I'll show you what's come out of it." I can get that digifob out in a heartbeat, even when one-handed. And just like I thought, she never stood a chance against Marsha. She touched the screen.

"She has my…I mean…your eyes."

"You can say ours, it's okay."

She shook her head. A bit of snark came back. "Nice to see his genes aren't as overbearing as his personality."

"Hey, he's got his good points." _C'mon, temper._

"You've got it real bad for him."

Suddenly I missed him like crazy. All I could do was nod, while I went all weak in the knees, and not in a good way. I had to take a deep breath. Didn't let it out until my heart beat evened out.

Shego looked dubious. "You're all over the place. Sure you're up to this?"

"No way I'm backing out on Little Sis. Now, are you going to lead the way or do I have to?"

"Pushy, pushy. No wonder you got along so well with Pumpkin." She fired up her hands. "I'm ready, what have you got?"

"Just this."

Her eyes went wide when I showed her the Radom. "Now that's a fine thing to keep in your garter. We've got the old and the borrowed, now for my blue."

We went in. It looked just like a set from that old 'Fearless Ferret' show. (Brothers watched it. Brothers!) Only difference was all the Larry Lovelorn stuff. I mean, I've got a romantic side, you should've seen what Stevie did with the sitting room our first time after I got back from the hospital, but this was overkill.

"Mooo …"

"What was that?"

Shego looked agitated. "It's Dr. D! I'd know that pathetic sound anywhere. If Zorpox hurt him I won't be responsible for myself."

"Are you ever? All kidding aside, we've got to stop those kids before they do something they might regret for the next nine months."

Kim was, thankfully, still in her bridal dress. Have to say, she looked beautiful. But what was holding her replaced the warm and fuzzies with the hard and colds. He wore his mission outfit, but that's where the similarities ended. He wore a German hat. His skin was blue. The smile was beyond twisted. It reached all the way up to those dark eyes. They were as crazy as that fanatic Archbishop of Canterbury, what was his name? Yeah, Hitchens.

Kim leaned against him, purring like some big kitten. Couldn't tell if she recognized me. _Remember, these are and aren't your Kim and Ron._

The boy puffed out his chest. "Ah, Kimberly Ann, I see the hired help has returned…and with a hired gun!" He waved us off. "Shego, guard the door. Sergeant, take the hole I blasted in the wall. We're not to be disturbed for at least an hour. After that, check to see if the world's still rockin' before you come a-knockin'. Abooyahahaha!"

Shego looked at me. "Can I blast him for that last bit?"

"No."

"Can I punch him out then?"

"Sure, that punishment would fit the crime."

She pointed at him. "Look, you jerk, if you've hurt my Dr. D I'll…"

"Misunderstood jerk." Kim corrected her.

_My turn. _ "Oh, I think we understand what he is and what he's after. This isn't you, Kim. This isn't him. He'd never take advantage of you like this."

"He became this way for me!" She snuggled up against him. "What's not to love about that?"

"And I did nothing to your master, Shego." Zorpox smirked. "He just can't handle his Coco Moo and Lemon Squares."

"Master?" Shego said dangerously. "That's gonna…" His words sank in. "Kim baked?" We looked at each other, and then back at the dangerous duo.

She frowned. "I can so bake! I'm a good cook…at least in Republican Rome! Why do all these writers pigeon hole me like this? It was clear from the end of 'Two to Tutor' that I was learning!"

"Because Type A and competent isn't funny. Come on, let's get you two out of here and let Shego take care of her Dr. D."

Boy's eyes blazed. "No one commands us! NO ONE! Kim, I believe you have a standing appointment with Shego. I'll handle the doppelganger."

"Yes, Zorpy." Kim cracked her knuckles. "I've been missing our little tussles."

From the look on her face I could tell Shego felt the same way. "I've got the Princess! Take out Zorpox!"

I couldn't believe how fluid those two were. They jumped and spun and twisted and kicked . Where I come from, moves like that involve wires. _Was Shego holding out on me, or does Kim just bring out her 'A' game?_

Blue Boy taunted. "You may want to look this way. Then again, maybe not."

Like I said, he wore the usual ammo belt, but I could see the lens installed on the buckle. It flashed but I jumped. The laser burned through some skirts. I bobbed and dodged the light show while he laughed. I'm sure it's hard to aim like that, but all the same I think he was toying with me.

"Abooyahahahaha! Run! Jump, Little Polska! Remember you're dodging for two!"

That made my blood boil. I fought Shego knowing that everything would be all right. (Though don't tell Mom. She wouldn't care if I had a hundred black belts, I'd be over her knee in a jiff.) But this time I knew that things weren't under my control.

Wires ran from his belt pouches to the buckle. Batteries. Even with Kim and Shego going at it I could hear his belt gearing up for the grand finale. There was a big pipe running from wall to wall over his head. _Cliché, don't fail me now! _I emptied the Radom into it and steam enveloped him. I slid behind a console just as a big hunk of ceiling landed where I had been.

I heard Kim shout her spirit cry. Shego slammed into the wall behind me and slid down head first into a big pile of satin. I helped her sit up.

"Really, Shego. Green and black?" Didn't you get enough of that at St. Ag's?"

"It's about the only thing I got out of St. Ag's. That, and Tony D'Silva."

"Ah, D'Silva." We sighed. "St. Ag's gold standard."

I could hear them laughing. "Look, Shego, we aren't gonna beat the Princess and Monkey Boy so long as they're working together."

"True, you'll never hold Zorpox off long enough for me to wear the Pumpkin down." _So it's all my fault eh? Nice. _"Got any ideas?"

"My guess is she transferred what she felt for Dr. D to the new Bad Blue Boy. Whatever messed her up is still switched on. But you're over it, right?"

"Yep. Just the usual feelings of affection with a hint of annoyance."

"We know it's not separation then, he's still in the room and she never left him." As if to make the point we heard Little Elsie. I had to hold Shego back. "My guess is it's emotion: like anger. You got mad on the stage and you're back to normal."

"Wait a minute, we were fighting! I gave it to her good and she's still all lovey-dovey with him."

"She doesn't get mad when she fights you. It's just what she does. I fought her once when she was mad at you…it still hurts to think about it."

Shego winced at a memory of her own. "Okay, how do we get her mad, aside for melting her date? I gave her every insult I could think of."

"We need to go deep, and nasty. You said she was willing to share Dr. D with you?"

"Can we let that go?" She looked a little ill.

"Well, from what I can tell, no Kim anywhere is willing to share her Ron."

"I don't like where you're going with this."

"You want to face them down, and go down, or do you want to rattle her cage a bit?"

I knew that smile. When I do it Stevie knows he's about to be one very happy little boy. "Plan B."

I could hear Kim. "The steam's shut off, Zorpy."

"Now it's time to turn on the hurt! Abooyahahahah!" the boy cackled. "My belt's done for now, it's time to go Monkey."

We nodded to each other. "Wait! We're coming out!" We slid out from either side of the console. I set the Radom on it. _Here goes. _

"We're sorry, Zorpy." _Use her nickname on him. _I used my best baby-doll voice. My lips pouted, I pulled the lower lip down a bit with my finger.

Now Shego joined in. "We've been very bad." She cooed. "And now we're ready to obey your orders…fulfill your every wish."

We walked forward, slow and sinuous. He was lighting up. She was heating up.

"What are you thinking, Ron?" I tried not to smile at the edge in Kim's voice.

The boy's smile just grew and grew. "Two versions of the same smokin' hot sidekick, not clones! It's on every supervillain's short list! They can share duties, take shifts."

Kim tilted her head and said sweetly. "Just one prob…I don't share."

"Share? Share what?" Zorpox frowned, then his mouth dropped open. "KP, I don't mean it that way."

"They do." Her eyes smoldered as they stared us down. We made a point of puckering up before she looked back to Ron. Not planned, twisted minds just think alike I guess.

The man I had just been running from, the one who'd actually scared Shego the first time around, was wilting under Kim's glare. "C'mon, KP, let's be coolio."

"YOU FIRST!"

Princess whisked Zorpox off of the ground and over her head. No fancy kung fu or aikido; just good old fashioned female rage. He went sailing through the air, head first into the hot tub. When she whirled back to face us we stepped back from the eyes. That seemed enough to let her cool off.

"Ron?" her voice cracked. "Ron!"

The boy stood up in the tub, covered in bubbles. His hat was all out of shape and something under it was casting sparks. His skin returned to normal. He moaned. "Oh, my head."

Kim stalked over. "Ronald Dean Stoppbable, if you ever, ever do that again I'll…"

She grabbed the soaked boy and kissed him like there was no tomorrow.

"I don't get it." Shego shook her head. "They pull bone-headed stunts like this all the time and we love them? Are they that much fun or are we just that dumb?"

"It's one of those questions that God just won't answer."

"Mooo…"

"Dr. D!" Green girl took off. I went and got my gun. My memory was coming back on line, but you definitely don't want to test it with an automatic. She was helping him to his feet when I got over. Found my fists were balling up when I saw the blue face. _Remember, this isn't that Shego, or that Dr. D._

"How can I help?"

He opened an eye and saw me. He sounded sick and scared. "Shego? Shego, I didn't clone her, I swear!"

"Relax, I know. She's from a laptop, not a lab." Her smile faltered a bit when he didn't respond. "Yo, Dr. D, you're not trying to take over the world anymore. Use that brain of yours to pay attention."

He gave her a sour look. "I am concentrating…concentrating on not yakking all over…Orf!"

_Whew, false alarm. _Shego gave me a grin. "Don't worry; he only spews on Professor Dementor. Dr. D, we're going to the medicine cabinet for some Ipacec."

"I'd rather not, Shego." _Sure didn't sound like someone who could take over the world._

"You want me to throw you in a hovercraft and fly you to a stomach pump?" Her question had him shaking his head. He let us take him upstairs.

"Need any more help?"

"Nah, I've got it. Go check on our 'heroes'." It was as much her telling me that Dr. D was all hers as it was anything else. We're kinda cute when we're protective and jealous.

I walked back down the stairs to find them sitting on the edge of the big tacky bed. She had her head against his shoulder. They call it 'chillin' though were I come from, and in my former line of work, that phrase had a whole different meaning. Her dress made my eyes water now it was the real Kim and her boy. I thought I'd never get to see her big day, this would have to do.

"Hiya, kid."

Her face lit up when she saw me. The Gal upstairs let me have my Kim.

"Sasha!" She jumped up and nearly bowled me over. We hugged for a long time. Think she was crying. Know I was.

"I never thought I'd see you again" Tears were in her eyes for certain now. "And you were in such bad shape when we had to leave. Part of me just knew that I'd get a message from your world saying you didn't make it." _Part of me didn't._

"C'mon, you've fought Shego enough to know how tough Go girls are. You look great in that dress, Little Sister."

Actually both our dresses were a lot worse for wear. She gave hers a look. "It's a little over-the-top for my tastes."

Ron walked over. I could tell by his expression that while he knew who I was, it was more intellectual than emotional for him. Of course if he was my Ron like she was my Kim, they would have probably would have been a lot more heavily involved when we were upstairs, and this wasn't that kind of story.

"Hi, Sasha. Sorry about trying to fry you."

"Hey, you weren't yourself. And you weren't yourself for her. No hard feelings."

Kim looked at him. "Nice of you to feel that way, Sis. But I've got an ish. You know how dangerous Zorpox is, Ron. He went after Shego knowing she was…"

The girl blinked and a huge smile lit up her face. She squealed and gave me another hug. "Oh, I'm so happy for you! How far along?"

"Ten weeks. Hope I'm about done with the nausea. It's been pretty bad this time."

"And how's it going?" Kid asked eagerly.

"Like clock work. Apparently Marsha made for a good shake-down cruise."

Monkey Boy got into the spirit of things. "Boy or girl?"

Kim looked a bit miffed at him. "Ron, you can't tell this early."

"No, but we've already had a surprise." I didn't get to spill the beans. Dr. D and Shego came back into the room. His blue face was pale and he'd just showered. He wore a blue lab coat and matching pants tucked into black boots. Shego wore her green and black cat suit was the one I recognized from the mug shot. Kids had the oddest expression; like old soldiers seeing enemy uniforms from their war.

"We still have a problem." Green girl's voice was grim. "There's another matchmaker out there."

"Who?" We asked, looked to Drakken.

The man took a seat and cleared his throat. "Some girl calling herself Drakimberly. Thin, blue hair in a pony tail. She teleported me here and hit me with some beam. She said it would make me irresistible to the woman of my dreams. I thought she meant Shego."

Nobody else saw it, but I caught the shine in Shego's eyes. Everyone else saw the scowl that followed. "Didn't it occur to you that with a name like 'Drakimberly' that she might want to get you and Kim together?"

My temper rose. "What IS it with all these weird ships? I mean, I know, we're just fictional characters but this one just defies any logic! Common sense! Taste!"

"Tell me about it." Kim and Dr. D groaned at the same time.

"Jinx! You owe me a soda!" Dr. D's black eyes glowed.

Kim looked shocked. "I didn't know you knew the game."

Her old enemy sat up looking smug. "No excuses, I've come across it in my delving into the tangled realm of the teenaged mind! So pay up, Kim Possible!" He started an evil laugh when he blanched. His voice shrank. "A coke, please. They help settle my stomach."

Shego gave Kim directions to the kitchen and a minute later the bad doctor had his soda. We went over and over what we knew about Drakimberly, which wasn't much. Ron summed it up nicely.

"We've got somebody in a lair with high tech gadgets and a low opinion of me."

"Question is, what do we do?" Kim shook her head. "We really need Wade! He'd be able to trace energy signatures, find lairs…"

"And I wish I had Reneca, but you play with what you got."

"So you're saying we just sit and wait for her to make the next move?" The thought did not make Kim happy.

"No, I'm just saying we have to come up with another plan."

Black and green clad arms folded across a nice chest. She smirked. "You're the narrator. So long as she's in a warehouse we're all set."

"I could tell you where to go, but you wouldn't like the climate."

Her eyes started to burn, and I could feel the heat rise in my face. Then I think the same though occurred to both of us. "How does anyone put up with us?"

Dr. D put his arm around Shego's waist and pulled her close. "After a while you can't do without it." They looked into each other's eyes. Part of it was genuine affection; the other part was knowing how much it weirded out the kids.

Kim recovered first. "We still need a plan. We just can't wait for her to blow a hole through the wall and…"

Bet you were expecting an explosion. Nope. Just the smell of ozone and everyone's hair standing on end. I was slapping another clip into the Radom when there was a blinding flash.

_To Be Continued …_


	18. Coming Into Focus

Thanks to Quathis, CajunBear73, Katsumara, JCS1966, screaming phoenix, Sentinel103, whitem, Comet Moon, sharper1988, RonHeartbreaker, Shockwave88, Molloy, and airwalker999 for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review, receive a response.

KP © Disney

**

* * *

Coming Into Focus**

By **Mister Wizard** (with some sidekicking by **MrDrP**)

When I say 'blinding light' I don't mean like when somebody takes your picture, or gets careless with a flashlight. Point of reference? Try wearing night snoopers and have a klieg light put in your face. My eyes screwed shut and tears leaked out. The Radom was loaded but I was too disoriented to dare point it, let alone shoot.

From the shouts around me, I knew I wasn't suffering alone. Someone threw a wild punch. Dr. D whimpered 'Shego' before he hit the ground.

"STOP IT!" Shego roared. "All right, everybody put your hands out! Reach out and…Stoppable! Higher up if you want to keep it!"

The boy gulped. "Sorry, Shego."

Now Kim spoke. "Just where did he grab you, Shego?"

"Let's put it this way: he had to get through a lot of fabric to make his presence felt." _Sheesh, just can't keep the mischief out of your voice, can you?_

Little Sis was steamed. "After twelve stinkin' years you're still just holding my hand, Ron."

_Who'd a thought the boy would be setting the limits? _"KP, I've got your hand so we know where we're at!"

"But our fingers are intertwined. That could be a prob if we need to act fast." Kim explained. "Wouldn't it make more sense if I had my hand, say, in your back pocket, like so?"

Boy's breath caught. "But, KP, you don't have a back pocket."

"Then it'll be easier to let go if you have to. Now, slide your hand down."

"Like this?" I'd heard Ron, another Ron, use that sly tone before. That boy had helped his Kim learn how to sing. Maybe this one wanted to audition.

"Oh, sooo like that." She cooed. "And see? Our hands aren't locked anymore, we're still in contact and it's at each other's center of gravity. We're ready."

_Yeah, you're ready all right. Glad our vision is clearing up now before you two can get any readier. _

Our vision was returning. I could make out some forms in front of us. Three looked like they had some heft to them. Another one to the right was all slinky and the one out in front was a little short, not that imposing. Kim recognized him.

"Cousin Larry?"

She was right. The boy wasn't wearing that weird outfit anymore. He adjusted his glasses. "Greetings, cousin. The cavalry is here, or maybe I should say the _Revenge_ is in the quadrant."

Shego rolled her eyes and mumbled. "Geeks. I'm always surrounded by geeks."

"You know, if it doesn't work out with your Dr. D, Stevie never reads science fiction. Bet yours doesn't either."

"Thanks, I'll file that away." She gave a smile to her Dr. D, who had a scowl to go along with his shiner.

"Oh sure, make fun of the mad scientist." He raised a finger. "But this whole thing has given me the inspiration for a scheme that can't fail…"

A whole lot of eyes were on him now. He cringed. "…to bring us all kinds of legitimate moola."

The looks were a little less guarded now. Then it was all smiles when a little rodent jumped out of Larry's jacket pocket and raced up Ron's leg to sit on his shoulder.

"Rufus!" Ron's voice told the little guy all he needed to know. It was hug time.

Kim let them have their moment before she took over. "Okay. Now that we're together, it's time to take on the next threat."

Bonnie was dressed like a cat burglar. Gotta say she looked good. Gotta say she knew she looked good. She interrupted Kim with a dismissive wave. "K, while you were here violating the food chain, i.e. the laws of nature…"

"HEY!" Mad scientist and sidekick/a little more bridled.

Kim wasn't happy either. "B, if you're going to be a good guy, why don't you act like one?"

The brunette shrugged. "Sure. Whatever. Like I was saying before, while you were distracted, we were out there taking care of things. It was no big."

Three eyebrows went up. Kim spoke for herself, Shego and me. "You took care of things?"

"A certain Drakkimberly to be exact." Officer Hobble was also wearing plain clothes. He was using his best brogue. "You know, Kimberly, I do more than just scarf donuts while waiting to turn on the KP signal."

One thing I really like about the girl, she knows when she's wrong and can admit it. "Sorry. Can you fill me in on the sitch?'

Before anybody could speak Ron's eyes went blue. "Oh, man! There's another disturbance in the Narrative Force!"

"Hink! Oy!" Rufus shook his head.

Kim looked more annoyed than worried. "Another writer?"

Larry shook his head, a bit indulgently I might add. "No. He's just picking up on the shift in perspective from first person to third person narration. It's more effective for an extended flashback. If the refocusing of the narrative force is anything like the disruption of the space-time continuum in _Space Passage: The Reboot_, we may have a few moments."

"Care to translate that, Captain Geek?" Shego asked.

"He means we can hand out some more of these lame awards," Bonnie said with a disdainful roll of the eyes as she produced three Larry statuettes from out of nowhere.

"The award for Best Story Involving Dysfunctional Evil Love goes to **Charlotte C** for her story _Long Strange Trip_.

"The Hotel California award, given to author most likely to draw you into a really good story but never let you go because he never finishes it, goes to **Classic Cowboy**.

"The Most Credible Portrayal of How Ron Would React to Kim Becoming Involved With Shego goes to **Blackbird** for his story _Maternal Instinct_…"

"That's so not going to happen," Kim said as she took the opportunity to give Ron a refresher course on where one might place hands. Little Sis clearly has a future as a teacher.

"What do you mean? She just gave him the award," a puzzled Ron said. "Unless there's going to be some kind of time travel thing going on. That would be kind of cool. The time travel that is, not the you and Shego thing." _Shut up now while you can, Ron._

"Not the award," Kim growled. "Me and Shego. So not happening. Not now, not ever."

"Gotcha, KP," Ron said as he proceeded to show his girlfriend that he'd been paying attention to his lessons. Boy can definitely apply himself when he wants to. Little Sis's reaction told me he'd averted Armageddon.

"Are you two done?" Bonnie demanded.

Kim and Ron both reddened, then nodded.

"That's most fortuitious," Larry said as he once again he adjusted his glasses. "Because I most definitely feel an imminent shift in the narrative voice approaching …"

_

* * *

To Be Continued …_


	19. Yabba Dabba Booyah!

Thanks to Comet Moon, Shockwave88, CajunBear73, screaming phoenix, Sentinel103, JCS1966, Classic Cowboy, Katsumara, sharper1988, Quathis, Eddy13, Charlotte C., and whitem for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

Leave a review and I'll send a reply.

* * *

Shego leaned against a wall and filed her clawed gloves. Unintentionally mirroring her, Bonnie admired her fingernails. Meanwhile, Sasha and Officer Hobble exchanged cop stories.

"Okay, Larry, sitch me," Kim said.

"Yeah, big guy," Ron added. "I thought you said we were about to experience a big narrative shift."

Larry adjusted his glasses. "I must admit that I am rather perplexed."

"Should we be worried?"

"No," Larry said. "Unless …"

"Unless what, Nerdlinger?" Shego demanded as she looked up from her gloves.

"Unless there's been a complete disruption in the narrative continuum," Larry replied.

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Would you, like, mind translating that from geek to English?"

"A number of things could disrupt the continuum," Larry replied pedantically. "The author could have lost interest in the story, though the fact that I'm explaining this to you indicates that is not the case, at least for now. Alternatively, he or she may have decided to change gears."

"You mean we could find ourselves in a different plot?" Kim asked.

Before Larry could respond, she found herself standing on an unfamiliar street, one where all of the houses were made of rock. Much to her relief, Ron was with her. She looked at him, then herself. "This is so Jurassic," she commented as she took in her white dress with its one shoulder strap and ragged bottom and the accompanying necklace made of rocks. "Though it is better than the wedding gown."

"Actually, the Ronman's likin' the prehistoric feminina look, KP," Ron said enthusiastically.

Kim blushed, then smiled. "I just think you're amped that you no longer have to worry about your pants falling down," she said to her boyfriend, who was wearing a saber-toothed tiger skin and blue tie.

"Not only that," he agreed, "but the breeze is refreshing!"

Kim smirked and arched an eyebrow. Then her mien turned serious. "I wish I knew where we were. This is so not Middleton."

Ron's stomach growled. "Do you think they have a Bueno Nacho here?"

"Probably not," Kim said as a uniformed man riding a brontosaurus turned the corner. The fellow stopped at a house, slid down the beast's neck, walked to the door, and delivered the mail. Then he climbed back onto the animal, who lumbered down the street to the next residence.

Kim and Ron were fixated on the postal carrier when a stranger joined them.

"Hi, Flintstones! Hey, Fred, when did you dye your hair?" The two teens turned to see a short, blond-haired man wearing a brown outfit. He was holding two large, horned hats. "Hey, you're not Fred and Wilma."

"Name's Ron. Ron Stoppable," Ron said, offering his hand.

"And I'm Kim Possible," Kim added.

"Barney Rubble," the newcomer said cheerfully. "Well, if Fred's not here, are you interested in coming to the Water Buffalo meeting?"

"I don't know," Ron said, utterly confused. "KP?"

"It might help us figure out what's going on," she mused. "Okay, Barney, we're in."

Barney looked uncomfortable. "Sorry, but it's men only."

"That is so prehistoric," Kim snorted. "Still, maybe you should go, Ron. See what you can learn about our sitch."

"I'm on it, Kim," he said.

"I'm sure that Betty would enjoy doing something with you," Barney suggested.

"Betty? Betty Director's here?" Kim asked with keen interest.

"No," Barney said, scratching his head, wondering who Betty Director was. "Betty Rubble, my wife."

"My bad," Kim said. "I—"

"You and Ron been to a costume party, Little Sis?" Sasha asked as Kim and her boyfriend reappeared in the previous narrative.

"At least Stoppable's lost his Bavarian dorkgear," Shego gibed.

"Aw, man," Ron complained. "My future hat's gone!" As if by magic, one of the hats that Barney had been holding suddenly appeared on his head "Coolio!" he exclaimed. "What do you think of my fierce new _chateaux,_ KP?"

"I think you mean _chapeau,_" Sasha said with bemusement.

"It's, it's … different," Kim said evasively, not wanting to hurt Ron's feelings.

"You two are such losers," Bonnie snarked. "I cannot, like, believe you're actually willing to be seen wearing that in public. It's bad enough you let people see you with Stoppable."

"Can it, B," Kim said dangerously.

"Or what? You'll go all teen hero on me?"

"Don't tempt me," Kim said.

"Okay, ladies," Hobble said in his thick, friendly brogue. "Let's take a breather, hmmm?"

"Whatever," Bonnie was about to say when she found herself wearing a white wedding dress and walking towards an altar in a church. Much to her surprise, Larry was waiting for her at the front of the sanctuary. Kim's cousin was wearing a tuxedo - and still sporting his Iosian senator's helmet. He adjusted his glasses, then snorted.

"Noooo!" she cried.

Much to her relief, the church disappeared and she found herself back with the others. Much to her annoyance, she was still wearing the wedding gown. Larry was still his formal wear, including the burnished titanium headgear.

"Badical!" Ron crowed. "Cousin Larry and Bon-Bon tied the knot! Way to go, Lar!"

"And I thought family game night could not get worse," Kim grumbled.

"We are not married!" Bonnie shrieked.

"I know that realization must be devastating," Larry said. "But perhaps, if we were to review the nature of our relationship in this narrative, we might be able to change that."

"You mean Scenario 21B?" Ron asked.

"Exactly," Larry said.

"Meaning?" Kim asked.

"The events of one dimension follow the events of another after the denizens of the former are exposed to those of the latter," Larry explained before he checked his ear for wax. "Having been exposed to the possibility of becoming my bride in another narrative, Bonnie may now choose to pursue me in a romantic sense."

Bonnie fainted.

"Or not," Shego said snidely.

Kim looked around. "We need to do something," she said.

"Gee, you think?" Shego asked. "This whole plot line is going south faster than one of Doctor D's plots."

"What do you have in mind, Little Sis?" Sasha asked.

"We give out more awards!" Ron answered for his girlfriend as he held up some Larry statues.

"Excuse me?" Kim asked, not even bothering to wonder where the awards had come from.

"Hey, if there's anything Ron Stoppable learned in homeroom, it's look busy, even if you haven't a clue as to what's going on."

"That is so flawed. Though in this case, it couldn't hurt," she said as she took a statue from him. With a look of supreme disapproval, she continued. "The **Path of the Yono, Path of the Yono** Award goes to the K/R writer most likely to be seduced by gorchy alternative pairing scenarios."

"The winner is: **Zaratan**, for pairing me with Bonnie and Kim with Shego," Ron said, suppressing a shudder. "Talk about sick and wrong!"

"Understatement much? I have half a mind to go kick his Canadian bacon," Kim said darkly before her countenance brightened as she opened an envelope, then withdrew and read its contents. "The award for **Best Kim Possible Pun-style Name** goes to **waveform** for his villain _Rick O'Shea_," she said brightly.

"Nicely done, Big Guy!" Ron said with a double thumbs up.

"And, the **Gussy Fink-Nottle Award** goes to Michael Howard for best inclusion of a P.G. Wodehouse reference in his story _Undercover_," Kim announced.

"A sack of potatoes, a pair of shorts and a newt are in the mail, dude," Ron added.

* * *

KP © Disney, The Flintstones © Hanna-Barbera, Sasha © Mr. Wizard


	20. Fangs for the Memories

Thanks to Comet Moon, CajunBear73, Captain IT, campy, Shockwave88, Katsumara, Quathis, JCS1966, Sentinel103, Mr. Wizard, screaming phoenix, and Michael Howard for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

* * *

KP © Disney

Kim was doing her best to keep her head in the game, though the continuing narrative shifts were making that difficult.

She had been with Ron at the awards ceremony. Now she was groping her way down a pitch-black corridor in the bowels of a ferociously gloomy castle in the middle of the Carpathian Mountains while her boyfriend was back at their apartment in Mittlerestadt, Germany where he was in bed with a fever of 103 degrees. The only upside to the current sitch was that she was wearing her mission outfit and not the prehistoric miniskirt she had picked up during the previous plot peregrination.

_I'm sure glad the Stoppable Fortress of Immunity was breached by the flu_, she thought as she looked down in frustration at the high-powered flashlight she was carrying. The beam barely penetrated the Stygian darkness in which the teen hero found herself. _Ron would so be freaking right now._ A faint, undistinguishable sound – from which direction Kim could not even tell – caught her attention. _And I wouldn't blame him. I'm most def not interested in any more missions in Transylvania._

Much to her relief, Kim finally saw some light ahead. She hurried her pace and soon arrived at the entrance to a dimly lit chamber. She took a deep breath, scouted the area, and then cautiously walked in. The room was cavernous, its illumination provided by a few torches mounted on the walls. The guttering flames cast long, shifting shadows. "This place is so Seventies," Kim quipped sourly as she surveyed the room. "Fourteen seventies."

Her eye was drawn to the great stone pedestal in the center of the room upon which sat a gleaming silver knife with a jewel-encrusted handle and a blade decorated with an intricate, beautiful filigree. "Bingo," Kim said. She was halfway across the room when she heard a familiar voice.

"Not so fast, Princess."

Kim spun around. "Shego," she hissed as the villainess appeared in a darkened alcove. Even with the flashlight, it was difficult to see the henchwoman. "Where's Drakken?"

"If it isn't my arch-foe, Kim Possible," another familiar voice answered contemptuously.

Kim turned to see her long-time arch foe, who had appeared in another alcove. "And you've taken up the Goth look why?" she asked as she realized Drakken was dressed completely in black.

"You and your teenaged fashion sass. You think you're all that, but you're not," he said grandly as he emerged from the shadows, spreading his arms to show off his new couture.

"You are so not wearing a cape," Kim said incredulously.

"But I am," he replied grandly.

She was shocked by what she saw. "You're not blue."

"Very observant, Miss Possible," Drakken said with a broad smile that bared his teeth.

Kim's eyes opened wide. "No way."

"Way, Kimmie," Shego said.

Kim reluctantly abandoned her flashlight, uncomfortable with losing the beam but aware that she needed both hands to fight, and dropped into a defensive posture. She noticed that Shego had the same deathly pale white complexion as Drakken and that the villainess, too, was dressed all in black. And, most disturbingly, like her partner in evil (and evil romance), Shego now had fangs.

Which could mean only one thing …

"This is so the drama," Kim observed.

"Ya think, Pumpkin?" Shego snarked.

Kim, deciding that this was one of those occasions when she could do without the banter, quickly evaluated her options. With lighting speed and her accustomed grace, she spun on her heel and drove her foot into Drakken's gut.

"Oof!" Drakken gasped as he staggered backwards, fighting vainly, and ultimately unsuccessfully, to maintain his balance (not to mention his pride).

Kim followed up her attack by doing a double back flip, which put some welcome distance between her and her opponent. Unfortunately, she realized, the more dangerous of her two foes was now between her and the exit.

"Get her, Shego!" Drakken bellowed as he rose to his feet.

"With pleasure," she replied as she fired up her glow power and lunged at Kim.

The young woman dropped, rolled, and got back to her feet.

"Nice move, Kimmie," Shego sneered. "But not nice enough."

"We'll see about that," Kim retorted as she pulled out her grappler dryer, aimed at a point high above, and fired. As soon as the hook had wrapped around a balustrade high above the floor, Kim pressed a button and the line retracted, pulling her up. She was heading towards safety when she felt something wrap around, and then tightly grasp, her ankles. She looked down and saw that a tendril that had emerged from Drakken's collar had taken hold of her and now had her in a vise-like grip. "This is so not good," she grumbled.

"Do drop in for a visit," he said as he yanked Kim downwards with surprising force; she lost her grip on the dryer and came crashing down to the floor, which she hit hard. Kim struggled to get up but Drakken's tendril had her ankles firmly in his grip. "Shego, would you like to do the honors?"

"Thanks, Doctor D. I am kind of thirsty." Shego said as she knelt down next to Kim, who was struggling to get away but to no avail. It wasn't long before the villainess had pinned down the hero, though Kim still tried to escape. "Stop squirming, Kimmie. It's time to say goodbye to being a hero," she said as she brought her mouth to the younger woman's neck, "because nobody's going to want to get help from one of the undead."

"You are so busted!" Kim growled defiantly.

"Sorry, Princess, but I think you're going to have more important things to worry about than busting me, like Stoppable screaming like a girl and your family wanting to hide from you when they find out you're a vampire," Shego sneered before she pulled down the collar of Kim's purple mission shirt and sank her fangs into the young hero's neck.


	21. Taking a Bite Out of Crime

Thanks to Quathis, Katsumara, Mr. Wizard, CajunBear73, FortressMaximus, Shockwave88, Eddy13, Sentinel103, campy, screaming phoenix, JCS1966, sharper1988, whitem, airwalker999, Joe Stoppinghem, and Molloy for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review, receive a reply.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

KP © Disney.

* * *

I.

Ron stumbled forward, sniffling, hacking, sneezing and occasionally stopping to blow his nose, all the while wondering just why he was in an inky black corridor deep in the bowels of a castle deep in the Carpathians.

Well, he knew why. An extremely worried Wade had called in to say that he'd lost contact with Kim, who was on a solo mission. If his girlfriend was in trouble, there was no question in Ron's mind that he was going to help her, even if the legendary Stoppable Fortress of Immunity had not only been breached, but overrun and then completely razed.

What Ron didn't know was why he was sick and his girlfriend had gone missing in Transylvania. Despite his raging fever and copious draughts of cough medicine, Ron knew that he and Kim had been at an awards show, where they had been wearing prehistoric outfits and Bonnie had just fainted in response to Cousin Larry's advances. Now, he was here.

He sneezed, then sneezed again. "Wheb will it bend?" he moaned. He just wanted to be home. Or at the awards show. Or Bueno Nacho. Just somewhere warm and dry with his GF. And if she was wearing that badical cavegirl miniskirt, that would be just bon-diggity.

Ron sighed, and continued to grope his way along, annoyed and uneasy at his flashlight's failure to barely illuminate his oppressively dark surroundings. Finally, much to his relief, he saw a faint light ahead. "Booyah," Ron said to nobody in particular, "mebbe they'b be some mo tishews or, eben better, nacoz ub ahead."

Delirious with visions of Tex-Mex dancing in his flu-addled head, he hurried forward. The light soon resolved itself into an entry, which he soon walked through, finding himself in a vast shadow-filled chamber lit only by wall-mounted torches. For reasons he couldn't explain, he thought of Cafeteria Lady.

Memories of his high school mealtime nemesis were quickly banished as he saw two familiar legs sticking out from behind a hulking plinth in the center of the room. "KB!" he cried out.

His heart racing, he rushed over to the prone form of his girlfriend and dropped down by her side. He was relieved to see she was breathing but was concerned by the pallor of her skin, which, he was alarmed to discover, was cool to the touch. If what he'd learned from the Zombie Mayhem Fangs of Fierceness Extension Pack 3.0 was true …

"No bay …" he mumbled. "KB can't be a …"

At that moment, Kim's eyes began to flutter open.

"Ron?" she murmured.

"KB! You're obay!" he exulted as he embraced her. "Ooobs. Sorry bout sharin' by derms."

Kim snorted. "No big," she said. "I just had the most ferociously weird dream," she said. Then she noticed how wide her boyfriend's eyes had grown. "Ron?"

"Kib, hab you been to be orbodontis?" he asked nervously.

"Not since I was twelve …" she replied. "Oh no …"

She shifted into a sitting position, then reached up to her collar, which she pulled down. "What do you see?"

"Eiber you been neckin' wib someone udder dan me—"

"I so don't think so!" Kim protested indignantly.

"Hey, jus' sayin,'" Ron said as he held up his hands defensively. "Dab means you were bitten by …"

"Shego," Kim snarled, baring her new fangs.

"Uh, actually, I wub going to say 'vambire'."

"And you'd be right."

"Huh?"

"Shego and Drakken are vampires. And now I am, too," Kim explained with a grimace before she added bitterly, "Spankin'."

"Hey, it'll be obay," Ron said reassuringly.

"Excuse me? I'm one of the undead!"

"I'b sure Wabe or your mob can fibure out somethin'."

Kim sighed. "I hope you're right. Until then, though, you'd better ace this place."

"Ib my bref dab bad? I doe I dibn' brush my teeb before comin', but …"

"Ron, I'm a vampire," she said testily, not bothering to hide her exasperation. "I want to drink blood. Your blood."

"So?"

Kim snapped "Hello! You have to get away while you can!"

"Rob Doppable ib not go'n anywhere," he replied firmly.

"Ron, please …" Kim said as she found herself focusing hungrily on her boyfriend's neck. "You don't understand …"

"Uh, KB, who'b the Zobbie Mayhem player here?" he replied. "Me. I unnerstan' completely. You bite my neck, I become infected, and then I'm a vambire, too."

"And this doesn't bother you why?"

"Because we'll still be together. Sure, we'll be undead, but the Robman can deal wib dat ab long ab he hab hib bon-dibbity girlbriend."

"Oh, Ron, that's so weirdly sweet," Kim cooed.

Ron grinned, then gulped. Then he pulled down the collar of his shirt. "Obay, Kib. The Robman is reaby."

Kim nodded, then leaned in. Her breathing grew labored as she brought her lips to the exposed skin of her trembling boyfriend. She kissed him gently once, then twice, then a third time, setting him at ease.

"Hey, dab wabn't do bad," he said.

Then Kim sank her fangs into his neck, which elicited a very manly scream of courage from Ron. His eyes then rolled back into his head and he fainted.

When he regained consciousness some time later, he found himself gazing up at Kim, who was looking at him with concern.

"KB?" he asked.

Kim's concern turned to relief. She smiled. "You okay?"

"I hab the weirdest dream …"

"It wasn't a dream," she said ruefully as she took his hand in hers. "We're both vampires now."

"Oh, I doe dat," he said as he sat up.

Kim quirked an eyebrow. "Okay, then, I'm probably going to regret asking this, but what did you dream about?"

"Mizter Barkin wab dancin' wib Miz Hatchett to Oh Boyz tunes."

"Admittedly weird, but for you no more so than usual."

"And dey were wearing tutus!"

"Okay, I so didn't that mental image," Kim said with a shudder.

"Tell be about it," Ron agreed. "Doe, KB, now what?"

"We find Drakken and Shego," Kim declared. "Just because we're vampires, doesn't mean we're going to stop saving the world. You ready?"

"Yeb, doe I hab one question."

She looked at him expectantly.

"I bunder ib I'll get to wear a vambire future hat," he said.

"We'll see," she replied sweetly.

Too sweetly, Ron recognized. "Dab meabs 'When Will Bu getz a benze of humor', doebn' ib?"

Kim gave him a buss on the cheek, then turned to leave.

"I said we'll see," she said, even more sweetly.

"Dab whad I thought," Ron said as he followed her out of the chamber.

II.

"And with this, we will rule the vampire world!" Drakken declared grandly as he held the ornate knife aloft.

"It's hard to believe," Shego said as she looked up from filing her clawed gloves, "but this scheme may actually work."

"May?" Drakken replied. "Have no doubt, Shego. All will bow before me, Count Drakula!"

"You so can't be serious."

Drakken and Shego turned to see a familiar, and unwanted, presence.

Standing in the doorway were Kim and Ron, both dressed in what appeared to be their traditional mission gear – though in keeping with their new vampire personas, Kim's was all onyx while Ron's was all black.

"Kim Possible! And the buffoon!" Drakken yelped.

"Actually, it's Kim Possible and cold-free vampire boyfriend," Ron corrected him.

"Oy," Shego groaned. "I should have known this was going to go south."

"But, how, I mean, you can't …" Drakken stammered.

"What part of 'I can do anything' don't you understand?" Kim said acidly, an eyebrow arched and her arms crossed.

"But he was supposed freak and …"

Kim snorted. "You actually thought you could split up Ron and me? So not happening."

"But this was my most brilliantest plan ever!"

"Dude, we've survived every wrong-sick pairing and M-rated scenario out there," Ron said. "Turning KP into a vampire?"

"So pre-villain," Kim said, taking up the conversational thread. "And I can't believe you thought my family or Wade would turn their backs on us. You are so flawed."

"Yeah, Jim and Tim actually asked Kim to make them into vampires!" Ron said brightly.

"As if that's ever going to happen," Kim mumbled.

Shego rose to her feet and assumed a martial arts stance. "Okay, Pumpkin, you ready?"

"Not so much," she answered. "Ron? You're on. Unless you two want to give up now."

"Wait a minute," Shego said, waving her hands. "The sidekick's a vampire with monkey powers?"

"Pretty kooky, huh?" Ron asked while Kim smirked.

"Fine, we give up," she said.

"Shego!" Drakken protested.

She shook her head. "I saw what he did to those aliens. You don't want to be on the receiving end Doc, trust me."

"Fine. Have it your way," he pouted.

"Well, now that that's settled," Kim began to say.

"Whoa! Wait a minute," Shego said. "We'll give up but only on one condition."

Kim looked at her foe suspiciously. "What?"

"Doctor D and I get to hand out the next award," she said.

"Fine," Kim agreed. "But then it's off to Cell Block D."

"Or wherever it is that undead supervillains go to prison," Ron added.

"Fine," Shego said. "Doc?"

Drakken joined her at the podium that had appeared out of nowhere.

"Shego, would you do the honors?"

"With pleasure," she said as she held up an envelope, which she flambéd with her glow power.

"Shego!" Kim protested.

"Don't worry, Princess, there's another one here," she said, holding up another envelope. She tore open the flap and withdrew a piece of paper. "The winner of the **Best Kim Possible Vampire Story Ever** is **Molloy**, who wrote _There Will Be Blood_."

Kim was about to offer her congratulations when she felt the lair begin to spin "Spankin'," she said sardonically, knowing all too well what was happening. She looked over to her boyfriend and grabbed his hand. "Hold on. It's another narrative shift!"

As the world around them dissolved, the last words Kim heard were from Ron: "Oh man! Not my pants!"


	22. Scenario 51

Thanks to sharper1988, EdStargazer, FortressMaximus, Mr. Wizard, Eddy13, campy, Quathis, Sentinel103, Molloy, Joe Stoppinghem, screaming phoenix, CajunBear73, whitem, Katsumara, Mahler Avatar, JCS1966, Nikoagonistes, and RonHeartbreaker for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and you'll receie a response.

KP © Disney

**

* * *

Scenario 51 or Her Blue He…**

**By Mr. Wizard with some sidekicking by MrDrP**

"You have got to be kidding," Bonnie sneered as Kim reappeared on the set of the awards show.

"Bonnie?"

"I hate to agree with her, Little Sis, but that look isn't working for you," Sasha said.

"This reminds me of _The Clothes Unmake the Man_, Episode 231 of _Captain Constellation_, in which the captain and Ensign Randy switched clothing and personalities after a teleportation incident on Klopos IV," Larry observed. Seeing the perplexed look on Kim's face, he continued, "Would you like me to fill you in on the – _snort, giggle_ – sitch, Cousin?"

"Please and thank you," Kim said.

"You've returned to the master narrative," Larry explained.

"But if I'm here, where's Ron?" she wondered.

"Wearing your clothes at the pan-dimensional Bueno Nacho, probably," a disdainful Bonnie said before observing, "You two are such weirdos."

"And Ron would be wearing my clothes why?" Kim retorted before she looked down and discovered she was wearing her boyfriend's familiar red hockey shirt and black mock turtleneck, baggy cargoes, and sneakers.

She was about to say something when Ron appeared. As Bonnie predicted, he was wearing a lime green crop top, blue capris, and white sneakers. "KP! You're no longer undead!" he exulted. His expression of joy turned to one of concern as she noticed what she was wearing. "Please don't tell me I'm wearing Kim for him."

The sympathetic look on her face told him what he didn't want to know.

"Oh, man," he whined.

"If it's any comfort, you're not a vampire either and the green works," Kim said.

"You think?" Ron asked.

Kim nodded. "I do."

"Coolio! The Ronman is stylin'!"

"Don't push it," she said with a warm smirk and a buss to the cheek.

"Are you two done?" Bonnie testily snapped.

"Actually, I was wondering the same," Larry said. "I was, after all, about to recount for our readers the exploits of Team Capable …"

PD

Sasha and Shego spun across the stage, a pair of satin-draped furies. The others stared in shock, wincing from the blows and blushing or puzzling at the words shouted by the two women. All except Officer Hobble; in twenty years on the force he had seen his share of cat fights, though never had the contestants been so literally a match for each other.

Bonnie's concern for Sasha reemerged when the cop from another dimension headed for the stage's edge. She pushed past Twill and Tweed. The sudden glow from orchestra pit compelled her to run.

"Sasha!" The marital melee tipped over the side. Bonnie dove, her fingers closing just inches short of the vanishing train.

"Noooo!" Kim's rival sat up, her face stricken. She readjusted her gown before turning to glare at the 'men' behind her.

"I don't know sixteen kinds of Kung Fu. All I've had is a self-defense class at the Y. But you'll get all of it if you don't help me find Sasha now!"

Hobble exchanged glances with Twill and Tweed. He turned to answer the steaming brunette but before he could say anything Larry stepped up.

"Excuse me, Officer, but I think this…sitch…calls for someone boasting a whole different group of skill sets."

"You?" Bonnie scoffed. "This is serious. Why couldn't we have Kim, or even Ron? At least he's only a loser, you're worse; you're an uber-loser!"

Larry's eyes narrowed at the tirade. He adjusted his glasses as he cooled down. "Cousin Kim is a little better at hiding her disdain.

"Officers Hobble, Twill, Tweed, time to establish mission parameters. Our first objective is to…"

"Find Sasha!" Bonnie shouted. Larry's response was in the cool tones of someone used to command. (Maybe not in real situations, but leading is leading.)

"You are a newb, aren't you? I thought you went on a mission with my cousin once."

She nodded. "Against that Professor Demental or whatever. I….triggered a trap, but I helped capture him in the end. And later I helped her net that Gil weirdo."

"Then you've seen Kim in action. You should be able to deduce that Shego, being Kim's nemesis, is more than capable of taking care of herself for at least a while. And Sasha just held her own with the super villain. I think they'll be fine. We need to deal with the threat to Ron."

Hobble cleared his throat. "Pardon me for interruptin' but how do we go about doin' that?'

Larry rubbed his chin. "Officer Hobble, you have a device that opens a portal to the Pan-Dimensional Donut Shop?"

"Aye, but all it does is lock onto a pre-existing signal."

Kim's cousin shook his head. "Anything that locks onto a trans-dimensional signal can be modified to trace a particle stream or energy signature."

He looked over to the table. "Tech Officer Rufus, are you up to the assignment?"

The Naked Mole Rat snapped to attention. "Hink! Ready!"

Middleton's finest nodded. "Guess I'll be gettin' the transporter."

Hobble's exit prompted Twill and Tweed. "What's our task?" Tweed wanted to know.

"Once we trace the signal that brought Shego here we'll need to follow it to its point of origin and deal with the menace. I doubt Hobble's transponder has the energy to open that route for us." Larry was taking a breath when Bonnie cut in.

"What are you geeking about? There's nothing to trace. Shego was here because Sasha summoned her using her narrative powers."

Larry grew pedantic. "That could have been sheer coincidence, or the writer had someone else use a teleportation device to affect Sasha's supposed power. Either explanation is a more rational analysis than yours."

In response Bonnie pulled out her cell phone, flipped it opened and pretended to answer. "Why yes, he's here." She extended the phone. "There's a pirate ghost on the line. He's looking for some magical monkey powers."

The game master's look turned sour. "Remind me to never introduce you to Charlotte; a Corpulon-Garln'ak alliance pales in comparison."

Tensions eased when Officer Hobble returned. The burly cop laid the transponder on the desk in front of Rufus. "I could always get another, but I've had this one since I was a rookie. Take care of her."

Beady eyes filled with understanding. After giving Hobble a tiny 'okay' sign he flipped it over and set about opening it with a miniature screw driver.

"You still haven't told us what our assignment is." Twill said.

Larry cleared his throat. "Gentlemen, lady, rodent. Once we locate our target we must reach it immediately. Since it's too much to hope that the writer was lazy enough to locate the villain's lair here in Middleton, we need transportation. Luckily, the means to do so is here in town."

"I'm guessin' you mean the Middleton Research Trapezoid." Hobble said.

"Don't you mean the Middleton Research Triangle?" Tweed asked.

"You missed the news about the explosion, didn't you?' Larry observed.

"But the lab is guarded." The Middleton cop noted.

"By the same security company that was guarding it the first two times it was stolen, and provides guards for Cell Block D. I think we can handle them." The multi-level multi-game master replied.

He turned to the Fashion Police. "Hobble needs to look the part of a Eurocop. As for myself, I'm Agency Special Operative Dalton Hospitaler."

"You know that even with the net down at the moment, they will have Agency names on file in the computers. They will check out your story." Hobble continued with his caution regarding the proposed operation.

"Not to worry." Larry produced a flash drive. "Hopitaler's entire dossier is contained on this file. I carry this with me; you never know when you'll run across a good LARP. We have Kim's purse, it has her Kimmunicator. It can use a USB port to down load the file into their system."

Bonnie crossed her arms. "I suppose that's my job? Or am I just the femme fatale distraction?"

"No, we're the distraction." Kim's cousin answered. "Along with the Kimmunicator, Kim's purse contains her lipstick laser and knockout gloss. The theatre has a wire and harness and winch set. I saw some of your talent show performance on . You've quite a talent for the wire."

Like any good leader, Larry knew exactly how to appeal to members of his command. Bonnie tossed her hair. "You won't find better…and that includes your cousin."

Larry nodded. "Then you need to change to. While Rufus finishes up, let's get dressed."

Minutes later Larry, Bonnie and Hobble emerged from the dressing rooms. After a quick trip to the equipment room they stopped at the desk where Rufus was closing the back of the transponder.

"Are you ready, Tech Officer?" Larry asked.

Rufus pushed a button and a light came on. The little hairless rodent went into a victory dance. "Hink! Rockets go!"

The dance brought a smile to Larry's face. "Nice reference to a classic. All right Team Capable, let's move."

PD

It was late at the Middleton Securilabs. The high tech building was empty except for a pair of guards at the monitors at the front desk and a janitor busy with his mop. One guard, a thin man sporting a goatee looked over at his partner. "You know, it's the quiet that makes up for the pay cut."

His companion, a slightly older man with dark hair, nodded. "Cost of living's lower than in the City. And after men mumbling in metal masks and hordes of evil Santas, pay rates become much less an issue."

Their eyes bulged when they heard the front door open. The janitor glanced up before going back to work. Four men walked in. Larry led the way, dressed in a classic black suit, oxford shirt and black tie. Officer Hobble wore gray slacks, black turtle neck shirt and a tweed jacket. Twill and Tweed wore their usual, flawless ensembles.

"Ah, gentlemen, we're closed." The goateed guard said.

"Crime never sleeps, nor does the Agency." Larry adjusted his glasses and set his hand on the desk.

The second guard picked up a clipboard. "You aren't on the visitor list, Mr.…"

"Special Operative Dalton Hospitaler. And I wouldn't be. We didn't want to give the facilities we're visiting time to change anything. This visit is designed to examine every aspect of your security."

The guards looked at each other. "Our security's fine."

The burly man beside Larry cleared his throat. "We'll be the judge of that." Hobble answered.

"And who are you?" Goatee guard asked.

"Dennis O'Bbel." Hobble shook their hands. "I'm with Interpol. Operative Hospitaler has been a big help to us. We're returning the favor."

"Funny, you look familiar." The second guard gave him a close look.

"I'm from a big family; lots of relatives on both sides of the pond." The undercover cop said jovially.

They continued to talk. No one saw the Kimmunicator slip out from Larry's sleeve and crawl around to the computer. It connected at the USB port and delivered the file from the flash drive. Its mission completed, it returned to the sleeve, with only Larry the wiser.

"Web's down so we can't check on your story." The guard informed Hobble. "But we have all Agency Operatives listed in a hard drive file. "Whoa! Youngest Special Operative ever…recruited right out of high school."

"They needed someone who could move in the youth culture." Larry adjusted his glasses. Fortunately, Bonnie was not there to snicker.

"But I still don't see what would be wrong with our security."

Suddenly Larry was all business. "For starters, you're uninformed on certain infiltration techniques. What would you say if I told you that there was a foreign operative in the building as we speak?"

"That's ridiculous." The goateed guard objected. "It's just us and…Dewan."

The janitor was listening intently. He dropped his mop when the others looked over. His route to the door was blocked by Twill and Tweed. They graciously allowed Hobble the honor of the tackle, along with the scuffs to the trouser knees that went with it.

"Now, quit your strugglin' it won't help." Hobble helped the man up.

"Let me go." The man glared at his captors.

"Dewan?" the second guard puzzled. "How did you know, Mr. Hospitaler?"

Larry brimmed with assuredness. "The custodial disguise is very common among secret services, but nobody takes to it like the members the Commonwealth. Do you know where the lab hires its janitorial services?"

The younger guard answered. "Sure, Britina's Custodial Services: Quick, Efficient, Indispensable, Indefatigable."

"I think you mean 'Britannia's Custodial Services." The Special Operative corrected the guard. "Just spell out the first letters in the motto."

"Q…E…I…I." The guards deflated. "Now that's cheeky."

"I'm Dewan Hoowaches from the Bengali Secret Service." Their faux janitor said. "And I'm not spying on you; I'm assisting with security for the facility, like my fellow agents before."

"You mean the guys from South Africa, New Zealand, and the Canadian." Goatee guard mulled over previous janitors. "What about the French maid?"

"Yeah, that was a nice change of pace." The second guard said.

"She was an actual cleaning person; the window cleaner was the agent." Dewan answered.

"I don't see why we need help." The brown haired guard was almost defensive.

"This lab contains the Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer, which has been stolen TWICE while under your company's protection! And now they have you two, who have a rather dismal track record."

"Hey, we were facing super villains." The younger guard shrugged.

"There are super villains in other places than the City." The Bangladeshi agent snapped. "And I know something of the Agency, there is no Dalton Hospitaler."

"It's on our file, and who here was on false pretenses?" The brown-haired guard waved Dewan's objections off.

Hobble led Dewan to the door. "I'll just be callin' the local constabulary. They'll take care o' our little interloper."

"Incompetents…INCOMPETENTS!" Dewan shouted. "Here comes theft number three!"

The guards watched the door close, the older one sighed. "Guess we'll have to contract another service. You haven't introduced the other members of your group, Agent Hospitaler."

"I'm Officer Tweed, this is Officer Twill, we're with the Fashion Police." The blond man made a show of looking over the guard's uniform while he shook hands.

"The Fashion Police?"

"When Operative Hospitaler said we're looking over all aspects of your security, he meant all aspects." The black haired officer joined in. "Looks like we have some issues to address. The non-descript design, the uninspired color pallet, the poor fit…"

"Hey, these are comfortable." Goatee guard mumbled.

"It's a poly-acrylic blend, how can a fabric be comfortable if it can't breathe?" Twill wondered. "Come out from behind the desk, let's see your shoes."

"Bet they aren't even real leather." Tweed said. "The term 'guard' should have noble connotations, how can it when you look like rent-a-cops?"

PD

The guards stepped out from behind of the desk just in time to miss the only interesting thing they would have see on the monitors since their arrival almost a year before. A shapely young woman in black tied off a satchel before aiming a grapple gun up at the lip of the wall. The line shot up, and in a twinkling she was gone from the screen, with the satchel following a moment later.

Bonnie walked toward the middle of the roof. A pocket opened on the side of the satchel. Rufus wore a black turtleneck and black stocking cap. Bonnie had disdained a cap. (I just had my hair done, no to the static!) She sneered at her tiny partner in crime.

"You're sure this is the right spot on the ceiling?"

Rufus checked his blue print again. "Hink! Uh-huh, uh-huh."

She set the satchel down and began assembling the winch. "No way this should work. Don't they have weight sensors on the roof? Some sort of detection grid in the ceiling?"

The naked mole rat looked at Bonnie as though she were crazy. When she attached the suction cup to the roof he took the lip stick laser and carefully cut a hole, angling it so that they could fit it back in when they were done. Once they moved the segment away and put it down, Bonnie set about putting on her harness.

"I'm set, are you?"

Rufus looked out from behind the tackle. Now he had a fishing vest over his sweater, and a floppy hat festooned with colorful flies. His smile made her roll her eyes.

"Fine! Let's get this over with." She looked into the hole. Below her was a cylinder on a pedestal. "That's the PDVI thingee? Could they make this any easier?"

Although he was a guy's pet, Rufus understood a bit of the female psyche. He had cut a hole big enough for Bonnie, but not too large. After she slipped down into the interior he put the gear into operation.

Aqua eyes narrowed as Bonnie lowered head first. She took a can of smoke from her belt and sprayed. The laser net made her smirk: the gaps were huge. _Even Kimmie could get her hips through those. So this is what she gets all the glory? I could do this, and a lot better I bet. At least I have style. And so what if I don't know sixteen kinds of Kung Fu; she doesn't have twelve years of ballet._

Bonnie righted herself well above the laser net. With practiced ease she spun, bringing her knee up and then extending her leg.

_Can any dorky spin kick match the speed of a perfect pirouette? The really powerful attacks are all kicks. Take this arabesque, K!_

Her leg shot back and up with jaw cracking, concussion-inducing force. Unfortunately, she made her move as Rufus was extending her line. Momentum carried her with the foot. She went upside down, tangled in her own line. The line carried to within inches of the laser trip lines. Panic rose.

_No! I won't set it off! I won't disappoint Madame Boche, I can't let down Sasha, and no way can K do something that I can't!_

Bonnie took a deep breath. Slow, steady movements freed arms and leg from the wire. She flexed her limbs and neck, then resumed her descent; slipping through the laser web like a slinky black spider.

Up on the ceiling Rufus watched her progress though a tiny camera. He breathed a sign of relief when Bonnie freed herself. Something touched his shoulder. He looked over to see two large black eyes, bordered by six smaller ones. The jumping spider seemed curious about the visitor to her roof.

"EEEKKKK!" In many ways the mirror of his master, Rufus had a terror of spiders, especially large black and hairy ones. He jumped out of his chair and fell through the hole. Somehow he managed to grab the line and control his fall just enough that he could grab Bonnie's shirt when he hit the harness.

Her glare was every bit as frightening as Debutante's 'come hither' look. She sneered as she spoke. "What are you doing here?"

"Hink! Giant Spider."

"Is it big enough to eat me?"

Rufus shook his head. The brunette's hair was so well lacquered that even upside down not a hair was out of place, but she was in imminent danger of losing her temper. "Then it's not that giant, is it? Go back up there before I throw you!"

All manner of climbing records were broken. The spider sat in his chair. He stared; beady eyes into more numerous beady eyes, until the arachnid decided that it was time to hunt flies. Then he was back in operation.

Bonnie resumed her flawless descent. When she could reach the PDVI she took out what looked like a small projector and passed it over the device. The square object replaced the cylinder. A second later a holographic projection of the much desired Pan-Dimensional Vortex Inducer rested in its cradle.

She looked up to the hole in the ceiling. "Okay, get me out of here."

This time there were no hitches. They set the roof segment back in place and clambered back down over the side.

PD

Drakkimberly shook her head; her blue ponytail emphasized her frustration. Ron was proving far more resilient than even an annoying side kick should be. "I'll have to change tactics." She fumed. "As long as he's in the way, I'll never make things as they should be!"

Fortunately, like her hero she was not the type to quit after a set back. And like him she had needed only a moment to form another plan. One minute more and she could put it into operation.

She looked at the first monitor, it showed Drakken's lair. Doctor Dreamy was nowhere to be seen, just Kim Possible playing tonsil hockey with that blue pretender.

"Just hormones! Nothing of the fire of true opposites attracting to challenge convention, to form something truly new and wonderful! Well, we can take care of that. Once he's out of the way, she can go back to caring for Drakken, and is there any truer path to love than to care for someone?"

She reviewed the scene on the second monitor. It resembled an inn from an old samurai movie. Behind every post was a figure in black, while others stood on the balcony overlooking the main floor. Clearly they were ninjas waiting for the arrival of their target, in this case one Ronald Dean Stoppable.

"Perfect." Drakkimberly smiled. There were no illusions here; she knew that her ninjas would stand no chance against the Chosen One. His strikes and blocks would send them flying; knock loose their black uniforms to reveal the swimsuits and lingerie beneath.

"Only someone inspired by the union of the perfect heroine and villain could come up with such a plan. Pit someone against his dream: Ron Stoppable versus a room full of crazed ninja supermodels! This Zorpox looks like even more of a guy than the regular Ron. He'll never want to come back! All I have to do is press this button…"

Her moment of triumph was cut short by a flash of light. The blue-haired woman turned around to see a group of three people and a naked mole rat facing her. The woman in black among them folded her arms in contempt.

"Drakken and Kim!" Bonnie scoffed. "I mean, her BF shows she has poor taste, but that's just gross! He's old enough to be her….ewwww!"

"So predictable." The alt-relationship champion replied. "You and your food chain; since when has a great love story followed such a trite formula? Timeless love affairs are those that go against the odds, defy expectations, which confound, even sicken the unimaginative among society!"

"My cousin's heart is her own." Larry had genuine challenge in his voice. "And she's bucked enough trends with Ron. We're here to ensure they live their own lives, make their own decisions."

"And we'll be thankin' you to put a stop to your meddlin' right now." Officer Hobble said evenly.

Their opponent almost sounded apologetic. "I'm afraid I can't do that. Since you won't stay out of my way, I'll have to remove you myself."

She pressed a button on her control panel. Several doors slid open in response. Fearsome suits of armor carrying axes clattered out to face Team Capable. Larry, Bonnie. Team Capable stepped back, only to find themselves surrounded.

"Use the transporter, get us out of here!" Bonnie shouted.

"Not until we achieve our objective." Team Leader Larry was the picture of resolution.

On the other hand, Drakkimberly was the image of triumph. "I'm afraid your victory has been put off…permanently! Too bad you failed to consider the duality of my name nature, as indicated by my name. I've used all of Kim's warmth and compassion in my dealing with Ron. I'm offering him his fondest wish! You, unfortunately, will suffer the fate of all who seek to foil the great Dr. Drakken!"

Though surrounded by axe-wielding robots of doom, Larry remained composed. "Careful analysis reveals you to be all Drakken and no Kim. Your knowledge of Ron is superficial at best and you definitely have Drakken's sense of the grandiose, as well as his inability to pay attention to the small details. I've deduced how your machine operates."

"So?" the planned taunt died in Drakkimberly's throat when a click clacking sound came from the control panel. She whirled around to see Rufus hopping off the key pad to her Dream Capacitor. The screen bore her name.

"Hink! Bye-bye!" Beady eyes glowed as Rufus stepped on the 'initiate' button.

"NO!!!!" Light enveloped her before she could reach the keys. Everything went out of focus. It took a few minutes to summon the courage to open her eyes.

The first thing she saw was blue skin. Blue skin everywhere. Everyone she saw had blue skin. And white pants. And white hats. And huge noses. Next she caught a faint melody in the air.

_La la la la la la. La la la la la_

Rufus had thoughtfully turned the sound off when he saw the destination her dream would take her. Even Larry shuddered at the sight on the screen.

"Could you turn the video off, Tech Officer?" Everyone relaxed when the naked mole rat readily complied. "Now, the coordinates to Drakken's lair should be here somewhere. Time to see if Cousin Kim and Ron need help."

"What about Sasha?" Bonnie demanded.

Larry's expression was wise beyond, well, beyond anything Bonnie would give him credit for. "No need to worry about Sasha. Something tells me that the flow in the Narrative Force should be drawing the main players together."

PD

"Way to go, Lar!" Ron said as he clapped Kim's cousin on the back.

"Thanks, Ron," he said graciously.

"I have to agree," Kim added. "You totally rocked."

"Ahem."

Kim and Ron turned to see a scowling Bonnie.

"Aren't you going to acknowledge my superior fieldwork, K, or are you to insecure to admit that you're not the only one who can, like, kick villain biscuit?"

Kim rolled her eyes. "You were ferociously good, too, Bonnie," she said.

"Hate to break up the love fest, Little Sis," Sasha interjected. "But where are my charming twin and her blue beau?"

"We were with them at the Carpathian Lair," Kim recalled. "Then …"

"Would someone tell me what's going on?" Shego demanded as she appeared on stage. "What are you all staring at?"

Unbeknownst to Shego, she was wearing Drakken's blue lab coat.

"If Shego's wearing that …" Kim said, her face scrunching up as the implications made themselves known.

"That means that …" Ron continued with horror. "That would be sick and wrong!"

That, of course, was when Drakken appeared, wearing Shego's black and green jump suit and most definitely not looking good in it.

"Wrong-sick!" Ron declared.

"Understatement much?" Kim said. "That is so many flavors of wrong."

Shego's hands flared. "Drakken! Give me back my suit. Now!"

"This isn't going to be pretty, is it?" Sasha mused.

"Not so much," Kim said.

"Kim?" Ron interrupted. "I feel like I've got a case of crummy tummy coming on."

She looked at her BF, who looked especially wan. She was about to say something when she felt her stomach lurch. "Spankin'," she said sourly. "I think we're about to experience another narrative shift …"

_To Be Continued ..._


	23. Adventures in Babysitting

Special thanks to Sentinel103, Shockwave88, Eddy13, Mahler Avatar, Quathis, Katsumara, CajunBear73, whitem, screaming phoenix, JCS1966, Molloy, and EdStargazer for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and you'll receive a reply.

Yo, Hank Perkins: Copyrights can be found at the end

**A/N: A hearty welcome to our special guest guest author Molloy!**

_

* * *

Outside they're painting tar on somebody_

_It's as close to a work of art as they will ever be_

--Declan MacManus

I.

"Ron, are you sure she isn't related to you?" Kim asked as she waited for the little white dot to slowly make its way from Ron's side of the television screen to hers.

"No, KP," Ron replied, his eyes glued to the same white dot. His left hand was on the paddle control, tense and at the ready. "I told you. I've never seen her before, I swear."

Eight-year-old Kim Possible and her best friend eight-year-and-two-month-old Ron Stoppable sat cross-legged on the floor two feet in front of the Stoppables' antique television. They were playing the only video game Ron's family owned. Over the past few weeks, Ron had been feeling pretty amped because his father had hinted that they might be inheriting an Atari 2600 gaming system from his Uncle Gene in the near future. By mastering Pong, Ron believed he could better prepare himself for the challenges that Combat and Super Breakout would surely present him.

Kim wasn't an expert on video games, but even she appreciated how incredibly lame Pong was. And boring. And that was a bad thing tonight. When things were boring, she couldn't keep herself from thinking. Thinking about stuff that upset her.

"Whoa!" Ron cried out in alarm. "Look out, KP, here it comes--oh no, you missed it!"

"Oh," Kim shook her head, "I'm sorry, Ron."

"Do you want to do something else?"

"No. Yeah. I don't know."

"Still worried about Pandaroo?"

Kim nodded.

"He'll be okay," he said tossing down the paddle. "My stuffed animals go through the wash all the time."

Kim suppressed a shudder as she thought about Ron's menagerie of stuffed toys. Their fur had been curled, distorted, and singed by so many trips to the washer and dryer that they were barely distinguishable from each other. When Ron had come over to play at her house a few days before, he had brought one along. What she had first thought was Gertrude the Hippo turned out to be the Sheldon the Lion.

"He _can't_ be washed, Ron."

"But I thought you said your mom tossed your sheets and clothes and stuff in a hot turbo wash to kill all the worms?"

"Pandaroo is too delicate," she explained, "he'd fall apart in a hot turbo wash." She sighed, "He has stay in a plastic bag for two weeks."

"Two weeks?"

"It takes that long to make sure all the wor—all the lice are dead."

"Gosh, KP, I'm really sorry."

Kim sighed again. She had no idea how she was going to survive that long. She missed him so much. He had been such a big part of her life for so many years that she had real difficulty remembering the times before he was there.

_And what about sleep? _

The one time she had gone to bed without Pandaroo, during a generally unpleasant sleepover at her Cousin Larry's when she was six, had been a red-eyed, sheet-tossed, sleepless affair. And that had been _only one night_. What if she couldn't fall asleep for the next _fourteen_?

Her thoughts shifted to her two brothers. The subsequent anger Kim felt made her want to fling the game controller across the room. Instead, she let go of the paddle and began forcefully drumming her fingers against her knee.

"Is there something wrong with your teeth, KP?"

"Huh?"

"You were grinding them," Ron said. "And it was super loud, too." He cleared his left ear with a forefinger and made a face. "Gotta keep an eye on that, KP. You don't want to have to wear a retainer, do you?" He cleared his right ear. "Or a hearing aid."

Kim gave her friend a smile. He really was so weird some times, but she liked it. And needed it tonight.

"Who needs their milk topped off?"

Kim and Ron turned in the direction of the cheery voice in the kitchen's doorway. Both nodded enthusiastically to the offer.

Kim reflected that the only good thing about the entire rotten day was the babysitter the Stoppables had hired to watch them.

They were very lucky that Ron's mom had been able to find any replacement sitter at such late notice, let alone someone as cool as Mariko.

II.

When she had returned home from school that day, an unaccustomed silence had greeted Kim as she walked through the front door. Usually, her toddler brothers were tearing about the house like crazed monkeys. Perhaps they were taking a nap.

_Normal three-year-olds do sometimes._

However, it wasn't just quiet; the house seemed deserted.

"Mom?" she called.

When she got no response, she shut the door and walked further into the foyer. As she did, she made out the faint sound of water running. It was coming from upstairs.

_Why is someone taking a bath on a weekday afternoon?_

She followed the sound to her parents' bedroom. Their door was ajar, and she could hear her brothers' voices coming from within. But there was something odd about them. They weren't yelling or even talking very loud—they were actually kinda quiet. Through her parent's bathroom doorway, she saw her mother bent over the tub.

Then she caught a whiff of a very unpleasant, yet strangely familiar, smell.

"Mom?" she called. She kept a safe distance from the door and turned her head. Kim so didn't want to catch a glimpse of Jim and Tim in the bath if her mother happened to move just enough to stop blocking her view of the tub.

"Oh, Kimmie," her mom cried over her shoulder. "You haven't been in your room yet, have you?"

"Uh, no, not yet."

"Good, don't."

"Why? What's—"

"The boys have lice, I'm afraid," her mother explained as she shut off the tap.

"Oh no." Kim immediately realized what that unpleasant odor was--lice shampoo. Years earlier, there had been a lice infestation at her preschool. She hadn't gotten them, but Ron had. Kim figured that his mom must not have rinsed his hair very well because he reeked of the shampoo's icky medicine smell for a week.

"Stinks," Jim said sullenly.

"Yeah," Tim agreed in a similarly depressed tone.

"That's terrible," Kim said. As troublesome as the twins could be, they definitely didn't deserve this. Despite the risk of seeing her preschool brothers naked, she stepped into the bathroom's doorway. Looking over her mother's shoulder, she gave them each a consoling look.

They were both staring despondently at the water's surface. Jim's hair was a sudsy tangle. Tim winced as his mother began to lather his hair. Kim had never seen the two so unhappy. "How did it happen?" she asked. "Day care?"

"Uh huh," her mother sighed. "A note was sent home with the boys, but I didn't even think to look at it until it was too late."

Kim nodded her head, but then stopped short. "Too late? But didn't they already have the lice when they got home?"

"They did," her mother agreed, "but I was too late to stop them from running roughshod over everything in your room."

"Oh," Kim replied absently, still regarding her miserable brothers. Then she blinked. Hard.

"WHAT?!?!"

III.

Even the good news that Kim could sleep over at Ron's house while her mother washed everything she owned did nothing to quell the fury she felt for her "two rotten, despicable brothers." Not only had they contaminated her bed by tumbling across her sheets and hitting each other's vermin-infested head with her pillows, but they had then gone and played hide-and-seek in her closet and probably spread lice to her clothes as well.

Well, not _all_ her clothes. The dorky Elmo nightgown that her Aunt June had thoughtlessly given her the previous Christmas had been in her bureau and was completely safe to wear. And that meant she would _have_ to wear the stupid thing when she went to bed over at Ron's house. Ron wouldn't care, but what would his babysitter think?

The Stoppables were supposed to be going out to some quarterly shindig dinner Ron's father's office was holding. Ron had been talking about it all week. Although he normally viewed all babysitters with suspicion (Lili Gauxe, his parents' old standby, in particular), he was more than simpatico with the added benefits that came with being babysat. Although his mother always gave the teenagers a list of things he wasn't supposed to do, they usually let him do whatever he wanted and spent most of their time chatting with their boyfriends on the phone.

When Kim's mother dropped her off at Ron's house, Ron's father was already at the restaurant waiting for his wife's arrival.

"It's not a big deal," Ron's mom reassured Anne Possible, "these things never start on time." Besides, she explained that she was still waiting for Miss Gauxe to show up to watch her little Ronnie, too.

But it turned out to be a big deal. When Miss Gauxe did show up and discovered Kim sitting despondently on the Stoppables' couch, she abruptly, immediately, and unconditionally turned down the job. More than a little annoyed (and confused), Ron's mom rang up another sitter they used. And then another. Frantically, she went down the list of every babysitter they had _ever_ used.

Unfortunately, nearly everyone that had ever watched Ron had also babysat once for Kim. And each of them seemed to believe that babysitting once for Kim was "once too many." Even the girl who had no previous experience babysitting Kim turned down the job flat when she heard her name.

It slowly began to dawn on Barbara Jo Stoppable that her son's best friend had something of a … _reputation_ in the babysitting circles of the greater Upperton, Middleton, Lowerton Tri-City area.

Just when it looked like she would have to either call her husband to say she wouldn't be coming or actually take the kids with her, salvation rapped upon the Stoppables' door.

IV.

Kim had liked the teenager immediately. For one, she was super friendly. How could she not be? She had hugged Ron's mom! And only after speaking with her for a minute or two!

When the lanky Asian-American in the Middleton High soccer uniform had abruptly hugged her, Ron's mom had been more than a little surprised by the gesture, but she wasn't unhappy about it, either.

The girl also seemed genuinely interested in what the kids wanted to do. Not the type that was going to spend the whole evening on the phone or studying, Kim assumed. (Kim hated it when they did that. Why didn't they ever want to do anything?) And the babysitter wasn't concerned about "laying down the law" or "setting the ground rules" as so many of Kim's previous sitters had been. And as an added bonus, Kim had glimpsed a martial arts magazine sticking out of the top of the gym bag the teen had slung across her right shoulder.

However, Mariko really won over Kim about twenty minutes after Ron's mother had left.

Producing a Frisbee from her bag, she had asked the kids if they wanted to go outside while the sun was still up and toss it around a bit. Neither Kim nor Ron had ever played a game with one of their babysitters before, but Kim definitely liked the idea. And although he was somewhat suspicious, his friend's enthusiasm was more than enough to make Ron want to play too.

Unfortunately, Ron's second toss ricocheted off the sprinkler and somehow landed on the roof. Immediately sizing up the situation, Kim had begun climbing the tree nearest the house because its upper branches extended over the part of the roof where she was sure the disc had landed. However, before she had any progress up its trunk, Mariko told her to come down.

Kim was disappointed but not too surprised. Most of her sitters freaked whenever she tried doing anything they believed was "unsafe," "reckless," or "crazy"--in other words, anything fun; though in comparison to the others, Kim thought Mariko was handling the whole situation quite well.

Not two seconds after she had jumped down to the ground, Kim found herself hoisted onto the teen's shoulders. Balanced this way, it was easy for Kim to pull herself over the gutters and scramble directly onto the roof.

Later as Mariko chased them giggling through the backyard's lengthening shadows, Kim realized that what she really liked about the girl was that she behaved like another kid. Like a friend. Or like a big sister.

As she and Ron reluctantly walked back into house, Kim looked up and smiled at Mariko standing beneath the back porch light. As she looked up at the teenager's face, something suddenly occurred to her. Something Kim couldn't believe she hadn't noticed about the babysitter earlier.

V.

After finishing her second refill of milk, Kim asked again, "Are you really, _really_ sure she isn't related to you, Ron? Maybe she's your … long lost cousin or something."

"Nuh-uh," Ron said decisively as he twisted his paddle control. "Her name's 'Mariko.' That's Armenian, not Jewish, KP."

"Huh?" Kim blinked. "What are you talking about, Ron?" She looked back toward the kitchen and lowered her voice, "It's not her name. It's how she looks."

"She doesn't look like me, either." Ron said as he crawled over on his knees and worked Kim's paddle control.

"Shhh!" Kim whispered crossly. "Of course she does, Ron."

"How?" Ron asked.

"Her freckles," Kim explained.

"So," Ron said in an almost-whisper, "lots of people have freckles." He flicked his controller. "Even you have them, KP, and I don't think she's _your_ great aunt or whatever."

"Well, what about her eyes?"

"What about them?" Ron asked as he leaned way over to grab Kim's controller.

"They look _exactly_ like yours."

"Huh? Just because they're brown?" He moved back to his paddle. "That doesn't mean anything. Heck, my dad's got brown eyes, too that doesn't mean we're related." He paused. "Well, okay, that's a bad example."

Kim shook her head. "And her ears. I mean-" and here she raised her voice, "Ron, will you stop doing that!"

"What?" he said in mid-crawl reaching for her paddle. "I can't stop now, KP, you're about to win."

"Her ears," Kim continued after pausing to roll her eyes, "they look just like yours, Ron."

"Really?"

Looking back toward the kitchen, she added absently, "Un-huh, kinda big, kinda cute."

"Wait! My ears are big?" he asked, horrified.

"Well …" Kim began. She hadn't intended to hurt his feelings.

"Wait … my ears are … _cute_?"

"Uh …" Kim certainly hadn't intended _that_, either.

He stared at her. She blushed.

"Hey, guys," Mariko called from the kitchen, "you want brownies?"

"Huh?" both kids said at once. The girl's voice had broken them from their daze.

"Isn't one of you supposed to say 'Jinx'?" Mariko asked.

"'Jinx'?" Ron asked. "What do you mean?" he looked to Kim, who shrugged her shoulders.

"You don't know _that_ game?" Mariko asked. "Hmm. Maybe I'll explain it later. But right now--brownies. Do you want some? Kim?"

"Oh, sure," Kim nodded.

"How about you, Dad?"

"Wha?" both kids asked at once.

"Dad-dad-daddio," Mariko managed with a nervous smile.

"Oh, yeah," Ron said after a moment, "that would be cool." Then after another second, he asked hopefully, "Can I help?"

"Sure, that'd be great."

"I'll just watch," Kim said as she followed Ron to the kitchen.

As they reached the doorway, Ron turned and whispered to her, "'Daddio?' _Who_ talks like that?"

VI.

The three of them sat at the kitchen table scraping the extra brownie batter from the edges of the mixing bowl with three large spoons. After licking her spoon clean, Kim glanced at Ron and noticed that he had somehow gotten broad smudges of chocolate on both of his cheeks. Reflexively, she licked the corners of her mouth, checking for any excess batter. She wasn't nearly as messy an eater as Ron, but there was a good chance she had some on her face too. She turned to ask Mariko for a wet cloth, but instantly forgot what she was going to say.

"Did you need something, sweetheart?" Mariko asked when she noticed Kim's funny look.

Kim didn't know how to answer at first. The teenager looked just asmessy as Ron. She had batter around the edges of her mouth, a thin streak on the side of her neck, and a big dollop of batter on the tip of her nose.

"Maybe we all need something," Kim said finally.

After everyone got cleaned up and the brownies had been taken from the oven, cut, and left to cool, Mariko asked the kids what they'd like to do with the rest of the evening.

"I dunno." Kim shrugged.

"Watch some TV?" Mariko suggested.

Kim shook her head. "Ron only gets two and a half channels."

"Two and a half?"

"His dad thinks cable's a fad," Kim explained.

"And there's nothing on anyway--just some weird awards show," Ron called from the other side of the kitchen.

"Borrrring," Kim said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, and it's on the half channel," Ron continued as he leafed through the crinkled, dirty TV insert from that day's paper. Finished, Ron stuffed it back into the trash can where he had found it and walked over to see if the brownies had already cooled.

"I think you might want to wash your hands first, Daddio," Mariko told him, pointing to the sink. "Maybe we could watch a movie," she suggested to a giggling Kim.

"Yeah, but that projector takes sooooo long to set up," Kim sighed.

"Hey, that's right!" Ron cried from the sink. "I forgot to tell you, KP--Uncle Gene just gave dad his old VCR!"

"No way!"

"Cool," Mariko said, taking her bag from the floor. "'Cause I've got a couple of tapes right here."

After digging around for a few moments, Mariko pulled a VHS tape from her bag. "Here we go--_Big Trouble in Little China_."

"What's that about?" Kim asked.

"Oh, it's this great kung fu-fighting, monster-biscuit-kicking, save-the-world kind of movie. Sound good?"

"Yeah!" Kim nodded. Ron seemed less sure, but seeing how enthused Kim was, he nodded as well.

"Oh shoot," Mariko said looking at the box. "It's PG-13. Not sure your parents would want you to see this yet."

"Probably not," Kim said.

"Well, let's see what else I have." Mariko dug further into the bag. "_The Sound of Music_?"

Kim sighed. The movie was okay, but it was kinda boring and really wasn't what she was wanted to see.

"Bleeck!" Mariko said distastefully. "How did _that_ get in there?" She dismissively dropped the tape back into the bag.

Kim and Ron exchanged puzzled looks. They had never met a grown-up who missed a chance to plop a kid in front of that three-and-a-half hour snorefest of a movie.

"_Twelve Monkeys_?" Mariko said, examining the next box. "No, no, I think that's an R --" She froze. "Oh, I am _so_ sorry!" she cried, quickly stuffing the movie back into her bag.

"Sorry for what?" Ron asked, tentatively testing the coolness of a brownie with his finger.

"Well, uh, I thought you were scared of monkeys, Daddio," she replied, nonplused.

"I didn't know you were scared of monkeys, Ron," Kim said.

"Neither did I, KP," he replied.

Mariko slapped her forehead. "Oh, right. You're still--. Camp isn't until--. Never mind." She went back to searching through her bag.

Kim turned to exchange another puzzled look with Ron, but he was too busy testing a brownie's coolness by stuffing it into his mouth.

"Here we go," Mariko announced, "_Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs_."

"Oh, okay," Kim said. "I don't think I've ever seen it before."

"Really? It's the first movie I _ever_ saw," Mariko explained, beaming. "I'm sure you'll love it, Kim."

"I've seen the Viewmaster version," Ron said between mouthfuls of brownie.

VII.

It took Mariko no time at all to connect the VCR to the small black and white TV in Ron's room.

"Wow, you know how to do everything, Mariko," Ron said admiringly, as he climbed under the comforter at the foot of his bed.

"Well, if it's second-hand and needs jury-rigging, I can do it." She then added, "I learned from the best." Ron didn't notice the look the babysitter was giving him as she said these words.

Kim did notice, but she didn't know what to make of it. Besides, her mind had begun to wonder onto other things.

As the tape played through the first of many coming attraction ads, Mariko sat on the bed's edge next to Kim. A moment or so later, she whispered, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Kim said after a moment's hesitation.

Of course, she wasn't. Sitting on a bed just reminded her that Pandaroo wasn't there. And that he wouldn't be … even when she got back to her own bed. Not for two weeks.

Once again, her thoughts went from Pandaroo to her hated brothers.

"Is there something wrong with your teeth, Kim?" Mariko whispered.

"Wha?" Kim asked. "No, no. I'm fine." She decided to make a conscious effort to stop thinking about Jim and Tim and to focus on the movie.

As the film progressed, Kim found herself really, really hating the queen. Of course, she was the villain, so that was what you were supposed to do. However, Kim just couldn't get over how evil the woman was. How anyone could be so concerned about only herself that she blamed and hated others for what wasn't even their fault? For just being who they were? It wasn't like Snow White _tried_ to be fairer than her. But that didn't matter to her Royal Highness. It was enough for the queen to try and kill her.

_How could anyone be so selfish? So all-about-me?_

Then Kim realized something, and suddenly felt very ashamed. As quietly as she could, she edged away from the others and made her way to the empty side of Ron's bed. Once she got there, she shut her eyes tightly and shook her head slowly from side to side.

After a few moments, Kim felt a hand on her shoulder.

"What's bothering you, sweetheart?" Mariko whispered.

It was the second time that night the girl had called Kim "sweetheart." On the one hand, it seemed an odd thing to be called by someone she had just met. But, at the same time, hearing it from Mariko made her feel … good.

"Nothing," Kim said, biting her lip.

"Spill," the babysitter said firmly.

Kim was surprised by the girl's response. Usually, when babysitters spoke that directly, it was because they were royally tweaked but were trying hard not to show it. But, no, she could tell that Mariko really wanted to know what the problem was.

Even so, it was a real struggle for Kim to force her tongue to say the horrible truth.

"I'm a terrible big sister," Kim said finally. The sound of her words only made her feel worse.

"Sha!" Mariko said loudly, dismissing Kim's words with a wave of her hand and a roll of her eyes. She glanced back at Ron who was still transfixed by the movie. "You are _so_ not," Mariko whispered to Kim. "What would make you say that?"

Mariko's use of Ron-speak (and her channeling of her best friend in general) was a bit disconcerting. Regardless, Kim felt the weight on her tongue melt away the instant she looked up into the girl's inexplicably Ron-like eyes.

The words came tumbling out. Her brothers, the lice, Pandaroo, everything. Kim didn't realize how loudly she was speaking until Mariko gestured for her to whisper.

"Okay," Mariko said after Kim had finished, "but I'm still not sure how this makes you a bad sister."

"Mariko," Kim said, "I've had nothing but horrible, horrible, terrible thoughts about Jim and Tim ever since it happened. And they don't deserve that. They didn't know that they'd give Pandaroo lice. They didn't mean for him to end up in that bag. They didn't mean to keep me up for two weeks. I mean, I mean, they're only three!"

Mariko handed Kim a tissue from the box on Ron's nightstand. Kim took it absently.

"I mean," Kim said whipping her eye, "I'm no better than her."

"Her?" Mariko asked, nonplussed.

"The queen," Kim sniffed pointing to the television screen.

At the moment they both glanced at the screen, the villain, now transformed into a hideous witch, was abusing the skeleton of a long dead prisoner. "Thirsty?" she asked the mug-clutching corpse. "Have a drink!" she cackled as she kicked at his bones.

"Well," Kim said after a beat, "maybe not _that_ bad."

Mariko giggled. Kim started to join her, but quickly went back into her funk.

"Kim, if you were really a terrible big sister, you wouldn't be feeling guilty right now."

Kim nodded. "I guess not."

The babysitter looked at the despondent girl and nervously rubbed the back of her neck. Then she smiled. "You know, Kim, a very good friend of mine once told me that you can't help the way you feel. But you _can _help what you do about it."

"Yeah."

"So? What do you want to do about it?"

Kim thought for a while and then gave Mariko a hopeful, yet hesitant, look.

"So?"

"I was wondering if Ron's parents would mind if I took a few brownies home to my brothers tomorrow."

"As long as Daddio doesn't eat them all before you leave, right?"

"Yeah," Kim nodded with the beginnings of a smile.

Abruptly, Mariko kissed Kim on her forehead and whispered, "You're a great big sister, Kim Possible."

Sitting at the foot of the bed next to her best friend, Kim enjoyed the rest of the movie. Fortunately, when Ron started to lose it during the scene when the princess was in her glass coffin, she already had a tissue on hand.

VIII.

After the kids finally zonked out sometime after nine, Mariko carefully and quietly got up from the bed and turned off the room's lights. In the utter darkness that enveloped the room, she carefully made her way back to the bed and kissed the children good night.

"Goodnight, Kim. Goodnight, Daddio."

Just as she reached the door and was about to leave the room, Mariko stopped short and slapped her forehead. She sighed and then whispered in a hushed yet distinct voice, "The **Award for** **Funniest Next Generation of Possible/Stoppables and Lipskys** goes to **Charles Gray** for James Possible-Stoppable and Cindy Lipsky."

After she had left the room, Ron sat up and rubbed at the spot on his face where he had been kissed and whispered to Kim, "She's weird."

"Yes," Kim agreed.

"But I like her," they said in unison.

"Jinx!" Kim said happily.

"Oh man," Ron groused, "Mariko said that means I owe you a soda." Just before pulling the covers about his shoulders and rolling over, he shook his head. "I don't think I'm going to like this game."

Kim giggled and a few moments later fell soundlessly (and Pandaroo-lessly) asleep.

IX.

As Mariko made it down the stairs, she had to remind herself that Kim wasn't "her Kim." The pig-tailed eight-year-old was no more her best friend than this Ron was her father.

_Man! I can't believe I actually called him 'Dad'!_

Her embarrassment over the snafu was quickly allayed by the memory of her impromptu recovery.

"_Daddio?" Man, that was a sweet save if I do say so myself._

Her thoughts turned back to the children. She couldn't get over how adorable they were. Mariko hadn't been able to contain herself when she had seen them in their pj's and had spun each about the room by their hands.

She wondered absently if she could visit them again sometime. Maybe when they were older. Maybe even join them for a mission. Or, maybe, come back to babysit _their_ kids.

Then a thought struck her. Although she had known beforehand that the Kim and Ron from this world did end up together, Mariko hadn't realized until that moment that that would mean Ron _wouldn't_ be marrying her mother. And the conclusion that followed naturally from that…

_Whoa! That's a little too freaky. Let's think of something else._

When Mariko reached the living room, she went through her bag until she found the Frisbee. Flipping the toy idly in her hands, she walked to the large bookcase at the back of the room. For a few moments, she stared wistfully at the pictures that were standing upon its shelves.

Then remembering that the last train for the pan-dimensional donut shop left at ten-thirty, she glanced quickly at the clock over the mantel. It wasn't even nine-thirty. There was plenty of time.

_And if I miss it, I'll call Luna and Bender. I can catch a ride with them._

Besides, she knew there were more important things to worry about.

Slowly she looked for Ron's dad's copy of the Tanakh. Even though she knew this Donald Stoppable wasn't her Zayde, the prospect of meeting him still gave her a pleasant anxious sensation in her abdomen.

The book was shelved right where her Bubbe kept it. Mariko switched on the small lamp on Donald's desk and then turned off all the remaining lights in the room. She sat down in the desk chair, balanced the Frisbee on her bare knees, and slowly opened the book upon the desk's surface.

Gently, she turned over its pages. Since her Bat Mitzvah years before, there hadn't been any _need_ for her to read Hebrew. She just liked to do it.

After a short while, she became aware of a commotion outside. A muttering cacophony was gathering out on the Stoppables' lawn.

_They're here._

She carefully closed the book and returned it to the shelf. Snatching up the Frisbee, she walked resolutely to the door and opened it.

The throng of dark figures almost filled the Stoppables' front yard. No one had stepped up to the porch just yet, but that was obviously their intention.

Mariko flipped on the porch light. Figures in the first rows flinched and momentarily covered their eyes against the glare.

"Can I help you?" she asked flatly.

Taking this as his cue, the spokesman for the Confederates of Moloch took a few confident steps onto the porch. He was a good-looking, be-spectacled Hispanic man in his mid-twenties. Like his companions, he held a blood-red PDA (equipped with full QWERTY keyboard and 4G internet access) in his left hand.

The porch light danced along his forehead and created dark pockets of shadow around his eyes. He smiled at Mariko. "We just need to step inside for a moment," he answered in a cheerful, pleasant-sounding voice.

Mariko did not respond. Only stared back, casually passing the Frisbee from one hand to the other. She well knew what they wanted and was doing her best to maintain her composure.

Moloch's followers were all about sacrifice. The sacrifice of _others_, that is. Preferably, these sacrifices would be young. More importantly--essentially, they would be innocent. Down the ages, Moloch's numerous fanboys (and girls) had committed their atrocities in exchange for the promise of power, riches and military conquest. This particular segment of his legion, however, only did it for fun.

Of course, sacrifice didn't always mean death. Sometimes it referred to torture, violation, forced drug and alcohol abuse, or merely the ruination of one's life and all he or she held dear. And, sometimes, it meant things Mariko had difficulty dwelling upon.

When Mariko's stony silence began to displease those on the lawn, their spokesman decided a little diplomacy might be in order.

"This isn't about you," the young man explained earnestly. Then he laughed. "Jeeze, that sounds so ominous, doesn't it?" He continued to chuckle until it became painfully obvious that he was the only one who was amused.

"Well, okay," he coughed. "But this isn't a big deal," he continued, "just a little … creative license. That's all." He went to take another step onto the porch, but thought better of it. "C'mon, we'll only be a minute." He smiled. "Let us in." He winked.

Mariko remained silent and emotionless.

"What's the hold up?" an impatient voice called from somewhere in the black mass.

"Is she trying to stifle our freedom of expression?" cried another petulantly. "Because if our work is too mature for her, well, that's just too bad!" he complained in a decidedly _im_mature voice.

"Listen," the spokesman said to Mariko conspiratorially, "you can see how they're getting. Just let 'em in. No alternate pairings, I promise you. Heck, we're not even interested in that kind of thing."

As he spoke, he raised his head slightly, and Mariko was able to see his eyes. She did not perceive a concentration of what might be termed evil in them. In fact, they reflected no concentration at all.

_They're not even aware of what it is they're trying to do._

She forced her eyes to pass over the front rows of the crowd.

"C'mon, little lady, step aside," drawled a good-natured voice. "We don't mean no harm."

"Hey," angrily cried a young girl with an Australian accent, "just because we do bad stuff to them, doesn't mean we deserve hateful looks!"

Mariko's jaw tensed, but she refrained from commenting. She just kept passing the Frisbee between her hands.

"Listen," the spokesman urged as he finally braved a step forward, "I'm not sure how long I can hold them back. If you let us in now, things will be orderly, civilized, and over before you know it. _Nothing_ will be permanent. Everything will be back to normal when we leave. And I promise, _they won't remember a thing_."

Mariko lowered her head and took a step backward. She stared at her feet and, for a few moments, looked as though she was having trouble catching her breath.

"Forgive me," Mariko began softly, a discernable touch of remorse in her voice.

The spokesman smiled and a brief ripple of relief spread over the crowd.

"But could you repeat all that?" she continued. Casually, she raised the Lotus Blade in her right hand. Lifting her head, Mariko aimed her glowing, cerulean gaze through the young man and into the darkened mob behind him. "I wasn't listening," she explained with a shrug.

For a second or two, all that could be heard was the sound of crickets on the lawn. She momentarily changed the Lotus Blade back into a Frisbee so she could scratch an annoying itch on her right shin with its edge. Then it flashed back to the sword.

The spokesman, who had reflexively spun around to face his Molochite brethren, finally found his voice. "Guys, I think we got the wrong house," he croaked.

"Yeah, sorry, little lady!" cried a voice from the dispersing crowd

"Didn't mean to--" began another.

However, before the chorus of nervous apologies from the darkness could reach her, Mariko had stepped inside and shut the door.

* * *

A/N: All characters created by Bob Schooley & Mark McCorkle, J.K. Rowling, and Matt Groening are the property of Disney, Warner Brothers, and Twentieth Century Fox, respectively.


	24. The Extended Sheldon Director's Cut

Thanks to Sentinel103, screaming phoenix, CajunBear73, JCS1966, Katsumara, Quathis, whitem, Mr. Wizard, sharper1988, Eddy13, and EdStargazer for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and I'll send a review.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

KP © Disney

* * *

"No, Mother, I'm not overreacting," Sheldon Director, a/k/a Gemini, huffed into the phone. "Betty has gone too far this time!"

"Dear, take a deep breath," the Director matriarch counseled. "It will do you good."

At the mention of the word "good," Pepe twitched.

"I'm not interested in doing good!" Gemini retorted as he lovingly scratched the Chihuahua behind its large ears. "I'm evil …"

"Yes, dear, I know," his mother said indulgently.

"… Though not as evil as Betty!"

Mrs. Director sighed. Though her son headed an international cartel dedicated to spreading mayhem and perpetrating villainy and her daughter commanded a premier international crime-fighting organization, her two children were still engaged in a sibling rivalry better suited for five-year-olds. "What did she do this time?"

"The Ron Factor," he said darkly.

"Pardon me?" she responded.

"Global Justice's—"

Pepe began yipping violently.

"I'm so sorry," Gemini cooed to his pet as he dropped a quarter in the bad word jar. "Daddy won't do that again."

The excitable dog calmed down, allowing Gemini to resume the conversation with his mother. "The Ron Factor is Glo—"

Pepe's eyes began to bulge ominously.

"—An insidious operation of Betty's infernal organization."

"I see," his mother said. "And just what does this Ron Factor do?"

"It drives me insane!"

"How so?"

"Listen!" Gemini demanded as he spun his chair around and extended the receiver towards none other than Ron Stoppable, who was lying on a couch and gesticulating with his hands as he spoke.

"… So then there's this story where Kim leaves me because she discovers she's gay and then she finds out Shego's gay and they start dating and did I mention that in this story we're all turtles? I mean, what gives? Sure, there were days when Barkin was all over me about finishing inventory and I wanted to hide and a shell would have been kind of cool if Mister B couldn't find me …"

"He's been going on like this for hours, Mother!" Gemini yelled, his frustration clearly evident.

"… And what's with all the hooking me up with Bon-Bon? She's mean! KP's the only girl for me but if someone's going to write an alt pairing story, why not put me with Yori or Tara, who at least like me, instead of with Bonnie, who probably has some hoity-toity divorce lawyer waiting in the wings, ready to shake me down for all of my Naco royalties, which I really wish I'd been able to keep in the show. I mean, shouldn't I have had something left at the end of that episode? Drakken stole all of my cash but what about the plane and the gold-plated limo, not to mention Rufus's bling? I should still be rolling in Claude …"

"Betty clearly planted him here to drive me crazy!" Sheldon said plaintively.

"Wouldn't that be redundant, dear?" Mrs. Director said playfully.

"Not helping, Mother …" he growled.

"Sir!"

Gemini looked up to see Agent Gimel. (Having exhausted the Greek, Latin, and Cyrillic alphabets, the leader of WEE was now using Hebrew letters to designate his hapless henchmen).

"Excuse me, Mother. I'll have to call you back," Gemini said. "What is it?" he sighed.

"We have an intruder!"

"… Oh, and don't even get me started on the Season Four so-called gag about me not learning to go potty until two years ago," Ron continued. "Helloooo! Anybody who watched, let alone WROTE, the Twin Factor in Season One knows that Ron Stoppable has mastered the fine art of using the Little Sidekick's Room …"

"Tell me something I don't know," Gemini groused as he glared at Ron.

"Not that one, sir," Agent Gimel said with urgency. "Her!"

Gemini looked up just in time to see Kim Possible drop through a vent.

"Ron!" she cried out. "Are you okay?"

"KP!"

"Why is she wearing the uniform of an agent of Global Justice?" Gemini demanded.

Pepe exploded.

"I'm so sorry," the villain warbled to his diminutive companion. "Daddy will put another shiny coin into the jar."

Pepe was placated, though barely.

"Where were we?" Gemini asked.

"You were asking about Kim's threadage before your dog – hey, is that a hairless Peruvian? I thought I made those up! – had a conniption."

"Ah, yes," Gemini said, stroking his chin. "Why is she wearing the uniform of my most dreaded enemy? Indeed, why are you?"

"These are future clothes," Ron explained. "Thanks to yet another narrative shift, KP and I are now 21! We're out of college and that means no more tests for the Ronman, ah-booyah!"

"What he means," Kim said, "is that we've graduated from college and are now full-time agents of Global Justice."

Pepe, on cue, began barking madly.

"Was that really necessary?" a peeved Gemini asked.

"My bad," Kim said.

"Thank you for admitting that," Gemini said. "Care to have a seat?"

"Not so much," Kim replied, knowing all about the special features of her host's furniture.

"Can't blame me for trying!" he said as he pointed his hand at her and launched a missile in her direction.

"Actually, I can," she said as she did a back flip, easily avoiding the projectile. "Now, let Ron go!"

"Go?" Gemini replied. "What do you mean?"

"Nobody captures my boyfriend and gets away with it," she said as she advanced towards Gemini's dais.

"Capture? I didn't capture him. He just appeared here and has been prattling on ever since. How do you put up with him?"

"I like weird," Kim said with a smirk and a shrug. "C'mon, Ron. We need to get back to GJHQ."

"I'm with you, KP," Ron said as he clambered to his feet. As he left the lair, he turned and called over his shoulder to Gemini. "Thanks for letting me hang, Dude!"

"If only I had," Gemini said darkly as the two enemy agents departed. "Thank heaven they're gone."

Just then the door opened and Kim and Ron strode back in.

"Get them!" he bellowed. A squad of goons – Agents Dalet, Hay, and Vuv – appeared and attacked. Kim took them down faster than one could say "dreidel."

"Let him have it, Ron," Kim said.

"You sure?"

"So sure."

Gemini wondered if he was about to be on the receiving end of Ron's rumored mystical monkey power. Instead of being hit, though, he was handed a large envelope.

"You get to do the honors, big guy," said the tow-headed sidekick. "Knock 'em dead."

Gemini tore open the flap on the envelope and withdrew a piece of paper. "The winner of the **Award for Best Crossover**," he announced, "is a tie between **Mahler Avatar**, author of _Failure is the Only Option_ and **Mr. Wizard**, who had no idea this award was in the offing and is the author of _Ronman the Barbarian_. Congratulations!"


	25. Oh, No! YoJo!

Thanks to Mahler Avatar, Ormagoden, Sentinel103, Katsumara, campy, Molloy, Quathis, Mr. Wizard, Eddy13, screaming phoenix, CajunBear73, Joe Stoppinghem, JCS1966, airwalker999, whitem, EdStargazer, and RonHeartbreaker for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Leave a review and I'll send a response.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

* * *

_The present ..._

"A most interesting choice."

Josh Mankey was startled by the voice. He spun around – and found himself looking at a beautiful young Asian woman.

"Oh, uh, this?" he said nervously. "It's, uh, for my grandmother."

"I see," the woman said. "Perhaps I might meet her some time?"

"You, uh, want to meet my grandmother?" he replied, flummoxed by both the odd turn the conversation had taken and the fact that his interlocutor was dressed as a ninja. At least he thought she was – he was pretty sure that's what the martial artists had been wearing in that Hong Kong action flick he'd gone to see with Kim Possible back during their sophomore year of high school.

"_Hai,"_ she said, pointing to the CD in Josh's hand. "I, too, am a devotee of the Velvet Fog."

"Really?" he asked. She nodded in reply.

Josh began to rub his neck in a nervous manner that the young woman found reminiscent of another resident of Middleton. She remained silent, but smiled at him with disarming serenity.

"You really want to meet my grandmother?" he finally sputtered. "Because she likes Mel Tormé?"

"Indeed," she said. "It would be my honor."

Josh took a deep breath. "Okay, confession time. This isn't for my grandmother."

"No?" the young woman asked earnestly.

"No," he said, working up a sheepish grin. "It's for me."

"I see," she said. "That is a sign of most excellent taste."

"Thanks," he said, his grin now growing into a more confident smile.

"You are welcome," she replied. Then she extended her hand. "I am Yori."

"Josh," he said as he reciprocated. "So, you really like Mel Tormé?"

"Oh yes," she replied. "I have even met him."

"No way!"

"Yes," she said. "It was during an incident in Tokyo."

"You're not talking about that Hamsterzilla business, are you?"

Josh was referring to an event involving a shogun-wannabe, a conference of geneticists, and a giant mutant hamster named Pokey. The Ginza would never be the same.

"I am indeed."

"Cool."

"_Domo_."

"So, you want to get something to eat?" he asked, hooking a thumb in the general direction of the mall and its restaurant.

"It would be my honor," she replied as she offered a graceful bow.

_An hour or so later ..._

"A most interesting culinary combination," Yori observed as she watched Josh dip a French fry into his chocolate milk shake.

"This from someone who eats raw fish?" he gibed as he gestured towards her sushi.

"My food is a delicacy rooted in my nation's culture," she declared with mock seriousness. "Yours is … gorchy."

"Gorchy?" Josh chuckled. "Man, I thought that was a Kim Possible-ism."

"You know Kim Possible?" Yori asked with interest.

"Yeah. We went to high school together. Even went on some dates." His countenance darkened. "Biggest mistake I ever made."

"I do not understand. Kim Possible is a most honorable warrior. I know that Stoppable-san esteems her most highly."

"Stoppable-san? You don't mean Ron, do you?"

Yori nodded.

Josh sighed. "Don't get me wrong. Kim's really nice and what she does is cool."

"But?"

Josh sighed. "But a couple of nice dates weren't worth all the hate that's been directed my way over the years. It's not like I tried to get in the way of anything happening between her and Ron; I'm happy for them. They're a great couple."

"But?"

"You wouldn't believe how many people have portrayed me as Evil Incarnate just because of a couple of episodes. I didn't tell the scriptwriters to make Kim swoon over me in "Blush." And it's not like I kicked the door shut on Ron in "Crush." But if you read fan fiction, you'd think I was some kind of villain who wanted nothing more than to manipulate Kim, treat her like dirt, and make sure that she and Ron never dated and, if they did, flamed out royally."

Yori nodded in acknowledgment. "I know of what you speak."

"You do?"

"_Hai,_" Yori nodded solemnly. "Many writers have seen fit to portray me as – how might I best put it? – a psycho stalker ninja chick. While I was indeed impressed by Stoppable-san's heroics in "Exchange" and "Gorilla Fist," and even gave him a buss on the cheek at the end of the latter episode, teen romantic interest need not become pathological obsession. That I calmly acknowledged Stoppable-san's interest in Kim in "Big Bother," even telling her that I believed he was her destiny, is of no interest to the great many authors who believe that I can think of no one else as a potential partner in love."

"We've both gotten the short end of the stick," Josh said.

"That is a most polite way of summing up the situation," Yori observed.

"I think somebody owes us," Josh declared. "Big time."

"I agree. Perhaps a long-term, stable romantic relationship filled with adventure, discovery, and American-style humor?"

"Works for me, though I've got a question: I know you like music. You into art?"

"Very much so," Yori said. "Does it bother you that I am a martial artist and ninja warrior?"

"Nah," Josh said. "It's cool."

_A few years later ..._

Josh Mankey, wearing a stylish black tuxedo, grinned at his new bride, who sat beside him. Yori, who was dressed in a beautiful silk kimono, smiled at him in return.

"This is a most impressive surprise, Josh-kun," she said.

"You like?"

"How could I not?"

Standing before Josh's old garage band and holding a microphone while crooning at the gathered guests was a compact man with sandy brown hair, large expressive eyes, and a voice that most definitely merited the sobriquet "The Velvet Fog." Mel Tormé, present thanks to the power of imagination, finished singing "Just In Time" and the band fell silent. "It's really a pleasure to be here to celebrate with two of my biggest fans," he said. "Let's give these crazy kids a hand."

Family and friends burst into sustained applause punctuated by raucous cheers. When the clapping died down, Tormé reached into his dinner jacket and pulled out an envelope. "Given how random this story has become, it only seems right to announce a Larry Award."

Tormé ripped open the envelope and withdrew a piece of paper, which he quickly perused.

"Wo-ho! We have a tie! The Larry for The Story that Really, Really Needs to be Finished goes to RonHeartbreaker's _Diplomacy in Action_ and G-Go's _Indiana Jones and the Simian Odyssey_."

"Two most excellent choices," Yori observed.

"Congrats, guys!" Josh said before he turned his attention to his wife. "You ready to go?"

Yori smiled broadly. "It would be my honor!"

* * *

The unfortunately canceled Kim Possible belongs to Disney; the late, great Mel Tormé belongs to the ages …


	26. Exit, Stage Right

Thanks to campy, JDS1966, EdStargazer, Mahler Avatar, CajunBear73, screaming phoenix, Sentinel103, Eddy13, whitem, Katsumara, Mr. Wizard, Comet Moon, Quathis, Molloy, Lonestarr, and RonHeartbreaker for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

KP © Disney; original characters © Mr. Wizard

Leave a review and you'll receive a reply – and maybe a visit from one of Go City's finest …

**Exit, Stage Right** by Mr. Wizard with two cents tossed into the kitty by MrDrP

_

* * *

Well, this has been one strange trip._

We had the last details taken care of. Team Capable blinked out to return the PDVI and pick up Twill and Tweed. I'm told they left those guards with a very different look. At any rate, things went off without a hitch. _Mental note: if I ever need help in an underhanded deed, contact Team Capable._

I talked a while with Kim. I had missed Little Sis. The feeling was clearly mutual. Think Shego was turning a little greener; maybe it was jealousy.

"If you ever need me, Sasha, call your Wade."

"Why? What good would that do?"

She smiled. "C'mon, Big Sis. You think your Wade and mine didn't figure out a way to stay in touch?

"I see your point." Now I didn't feel quite so dead to her anymore.

Bonnie was back for a big hug. "Hobble and Stoppable's rat thingie have the car ready. I'm going to miss you."

"Same here. And go easy on Kim. You know she finds you harder to handle than Shego."

"Really?" Bonnie grinned.

Somebody else was listening. "Oh, really?" Shego let her hands ignite. Gotta admit, it was impressive

"Let's just say you're both a handful."

Shego put out her fires and walked over. "Speaking of handfuls, best of luck to you and Stevie. You're gonna need it."

"You don't know the half of it."

"What do you mean?" Dark Mirror Me asked.

I gave her our little grin. "Two words: Pulaski Curse."

The pale face paled, the green turned greener. She shook her head. "No. No! It skips a generation…every time! It has for two hundred years!"

_Time for evidence. _The digifob came out. "See, here's the ultrasound. One peanut, two peanuts."

Kim and Bonnie squealed and it was all hugs. Shego just took a step back, still in shock. I looked out at the camera.

"And this brings us to our special, unscheduled award.

"The **Johnny Frickin' Appleseed Award, **for planting ideas in a fanfic writer's head goes to **RonHeartbreaker** Want it? Just cross over to any back alley of my Go City and you'll get it, all right." I'm told I really had the Shego vibe going at this point. "It was supposed to be a boy, a cute little guy to even things up! But you had to put in that line in a review. I know what's coming up, I've seen it!"

Time for Kim to come to the rescue. "I've seen twins, too. You know, in the end you'll see that you what you really have is twice as much love. And who knows? Maybe they won't be Tweebs."

_Wow. Where you were when I was growing up? _"Maybe you're right. You gotta go with what the Big Writer gives you …"

"But you don't have to like it!" Ron chimed in with a grin that made me think the boy had a future doing PSAs.

"Ron!" Kim chided.

"What? You're not the one who's been paired with Monkey Fist in a story!"

"Actually, I have," Kim said with a grimace.

"Ewwwww!" the kids said in unison.

"Jinx!" Kim called. "You owe me soda."

"Man, I can never win," Ron groused.

I cleared my throat. "RonHeartbreaker, thanks for the names. If you're right on the second part, we'll use them."

Somebody else had a plan of action. Shego's voice was no nonsense. "Dr. D!"

"Yes, Shego?" he asked quietly, wringing those little gloved hands.

"Just want you to know that when we get back to the resort, I'm having the locks changed on my door. I'm not taking any chances."

"But, Shego, we've been very careful. We've covered both bases, so to speak."

"This isn't biology…we're talking about a curse here!"

"A curse?" He sounded a little dubious.

"What else do would you call of double dose like that?" A strange look came across her face. "You'd bail the first day!"

Seemed like Shego touched a raw nerve there. Drakken straightened up. "Bail? You don't desert family!"

"We're not family!" her expression softened. "Are we?"

He grew a little less bold, but maybe he was even braver. "Well, maybe not the way they see things, but we are an evil family and families stick together.

"I'll always be there for you, Shego. I…"

She put a finger to his lips. "Not in front of them. And curse or no curse, we'll discuss things later."

"Promise?"

Shego nodded. "Promise." _So that's what sweet evil sounds like. A lot like me._

Hobble stepped back in. "We can go any time, Sergeant."

Hated to do it, but I had my own family to see. "Kim, Ron, you two be good. Bonnie, it's been a blast meeting you. Shego, you and Drakken look good together, natural in an evil sort of way. Larry, Rufus, pleasure meeting you both."

After I tore myself out of a bunch of arms we went to the car. It was a quiet drive back. Had a lot on my mind and Hobble was a good cop: he knew when a partner needed some space.

We went though the portal. _Easier this time. _He put the car in park and offered his hand.

"A pleasure working with you, Sergeant."

"Same here, Officer. I wondered what kind of cops lived in a world where a couple of kids run around saving the day. Turns out they're just fine."

"Comin' from you that's quite a compliment. May the Good Lord bless you, your husband and all the wee ones, whether they're under foot or on the way."

Don't think he was expecting the kiss to his cheek. "May your days be as gentle as the sun kissed dew."

I stepped out of the car and walked across the parking lot. The fog was thick but I didn't care. Even if some jerk writer tried to violate the Pan-Dimensional Truce, I was in my element. When I heard footsteps coming toward me I kept my pace. A huge figure in a great coat came up.

"Stevie!"

He swept me up for a kiss worth kicking a foot back for. I let him hold me a good long time. It was just what I needed.

After a while he relaxed his hold just enough so he could look into my eyes. "Sorry I missed the 'wake' but your father said it was a cop thing. He brought me here. Don't worry, your folks have Marsha."

"So that's their plan. If you want, you can pay your respects to the doll in the shoe box in the back seat later. Right now, I have a different viewing in mind."

That got his grin going. "I've reserved the Bridal Suite at the Pan-Dimensional Hotel and Spa. Your father said that time sort of stands still here, so Marsha won't miss us."

"He's right. Now let's go take advantage of it."

Didn't bother with how much time we spent in the suite. All that mattered was that by the time we left I had my happy walk going big time. Stevie was just as satisfied. It was nice to have everything to bring into play once again.

Stevie drove. He insisted and I was too mellow to argue over it. It didn't even hurt when I had to say goodbye to my strong right arm. _Wasn't like I was going to get to keep it._

We caught the tail end of rush hour, but since we were headed downtown, traffic was fine.

"Stevie, you missed the turn off to my folk's place."

He gave me a sly look. "We have a stop to make first."

"You're driving."

Took a minute to figure out where we were headed. We pulled into the parking garage for Infinite Monkey Labs. The whole Brain Trust was there to meet us: my Dr. D. and Amy, Ed Lipski, Wade Lode and Justine Flanner, all grinning like idiots.

"What's going on, Stevie?"

"I'm not a liberty to say. Your father just said we needed to stop here."

_Might as well ask somebody who can talk. _"Dr. D., what's up?"

The guy just smiled. "I think Amy is the one who should handle this. It was her idea."

Amy smiled, too. "Sasha, you know we've been having trouble with our project."

_Trouble? The whole thing's crashed and burned twice. _"Yeah."

"It may be years before we can actually grow a full limb, but I was thinking about what you really want the most."

Living the Life had been big, but the biggest thing was holding Marsha and giving her want she wanted: two hands to put on her cheeks when kissing her good night. And now I had a new problem. In a few months I'd have two little ones but would only be able to carry or hold one at a time. You don't need the whole burning house question for that to break your heart. By the look in her eyes, Amy knew.

Ed spoke up. "Guess we can let the cat out of the bag. We knew you'd never go for an artificial arm, so that's when Wade hit on the idea of a cybernetic one."

"Cybernetic?" Told you, I don't like hanging around geeks.

"We had Dr. D. and Amy start growing the musculature and skin after the first failure." Wade said. "While that was working we started on the ceramic bone. It looks and functions just like the real thing. And it's ready!"

I had to just stand and blink back tears. Of course, Sister Mary Friggin' Sunshine had to pop her head up. "That's great, kids, but you're overlooking one thing. I can't have major surgery for a while. I won't go under."

"You don't have to." Justine gave her know-it-all smile. "I went back over the applications for my dimensional splicer. With some modifications, we can use it to connect the nerves and blood vessels. It won't be any worse than going to the dentist."

"Now if you're up to it, we can have you home by Marsha's bed time." Dr. D. gestured grandly. "Your arm will take a while to get to full strength, and due to certain characteristics, you'd still be prohibited from field work on the Force, or we would have told your father to cancel the little wake today."

He was going to go on but I stopped him. "That was just Life, this is about a little girl. Let's go."

_Two hands tonight, Marsha, two hands._

_

* * *

To Be Concluded …_

_Really._

_No, we're not kidding._

_You'll see ..._


	27. So Not The Finale

Thanks to Eddy13, unwrittenaria, Quathis, FortressMaximus, Katsumara, JCS1966, Sentinel103, screaming phoenix, CajunBear73, whitem, Joe Stoppinghem, and RonHeartbreaker for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading.

KP © Disney

Leave a review and I'll send a reply.

* * *

I.

"Okay, so can we like get this show over with already?" Bonnie asked.

"Not yet, teammate," Larry declared. "We first have to deal with a scenario 32."

"Do I even want to know?" Kim asked.

"Uh, Lar, just in case Rufus here doesn't know what you mean …" Ron added.

"Hey!" the mole rat protested – though his annoyance ebbed when he realized he actually didn't know what Larry meant.

"Excuse me!" Bonnie snapped. "Just because we went on one of Kim's mission thingies does not mean we're teammates."

"Uh huh, uh huh," Rufus countered.

"Fine, whatever," Bonnie huffed. "What do we have to do so I can get back to Senior Island?"

"A scenario 32 involves a doppelganger from an alternative or imaginary universe seeking assistance from his or her counterpart."

"In English, please and thank you," Kim said.

"Before we can bring this evening's festivities to a close, you have to respond to a request from your counterpart from the Amorous Adverseries universe and Ron has to meet with his double from the "Softer Side of Snarky" RonBon series."

"The WHAT?" Jimmy Blamhammer asked as he strode onto stage.

"It's a series of ferociously whacked fan fics in which I'm married to Shego," Kim offered with a shudder.

"No, not that!" Jimmy said. "The ALLITERATION! It's amazing, it's awesome, it's ALL THAT! Think of the ads! And the Ronbon! I love it – though there's something familiar about it," Jimmy asked, scratching his chin as he tried to recall why the name rang a bell. "I know! _Ronbon the Renegade. _It's that sixties CLASSIC that I was going to do as a big-budget remake with Quinn before I decided to make _Complete Chaos X: The Penultimate Anarchy_!"

"While I'm all about the Complete Chaos, you've got the wrong Ronbon," Ron said.

"No way!"

"Way," replied Kim sourly. "This one has my BF as Mister Bonnie Rockwaller."

"It's sick and wrong I tell you!" Ron observed with an expression he usually wore when reflecting on all things simian.

"This shouldn't be happening," Wade said.

"You're telling me," Ron agreed. "Having Bon-Bon kiss me in "Homecoming Upset" was bad enough."

"I heard that, Stoppable!"

Team Possible's tech guru ignored Bonnie. "Unless there are multiple Justine Flanners opening inter-dimensional vortexes, the different dimensions aren't supposed to overlap or even be aware of each other's existence – unless this plot has created a breach in the narrative fourth wall."

"Meaning?" Kim asked.

"You'll find your other you at the Pan Dimensional Coffee House," Wade answered.

"And what about me?" Ron wondered. "Oh, oh, wait, let me guess! I get to meet me at the Pan Dimensional Bueno Nacho! Badical!"

"Actually, you're supposed to find Ron Two Point Oh in Aisle 36 of the Pan Dimensional Smarty Mart."

"Lawn furniture and yard ornaments?" Ron replied. "Badical denied."

"I thought you'd be amped about visiting a Smarty Mart in another dimension," Kim said.

"Two words, KP: Garden gnomes."

Kim didn't look impressed. "What's the big?"

"We're talking about eighteen inches of pure terra cotta evil, Kim," Ron said. "Oh, they may look all innocent, but turn your back on one of those monsters and it's all over. There's no way I'm going."

"Tell you what. You go and I'll get you a grande-sized naco platter when this is all over," Kim said.

"On second thought, I'm going in."

"Spankin'. Now let's find out what the sitches are with our other usses so we can wrap this story up."

"You got it, KP."

"Wait a MINUTE!" Jimmy cried out as Kim and Ron headed to the door. "We have to talk about the big finale! It's gonna be HUGE!"

"Sorry, Mr. Blamhammer," Kim said apologetically, "but missions don't take care of themselves. We'll be back soon, though, I promise!"

Jimmy sighed as he watched the two teen heroes depart. "I knew we should have gone CGI."

II.

Kim saw her doppelganger through the plate glass window; the double was sitting alone at a table, with what appeared to be a barely touched smoothie before her. Kim noticed that the other Kim looked a little bit older, perhaps in her late twenties or early thirties, had short hair and was somewhat curvier, but otherwise looked just like her. She opened the door, and stepped in.

The other Kim looked up. "You came."

"Call me, beep me," Kim said with an encouraging smile as she sat down. "So, what's the sitch?"

"How much do you know about me?"

Kim couldn't help but notice the weariness in her voice.

"You're married to Shego. Still save the world, though you now do it with GJ." Then, blushing, the teen said, "You guys seem to, uh, make out. A lot."

The other Kim nodded. "What about Ron?" she asked.

"He's with Yori." Kim didn't hide her displeasure at the concept of her boyfriend winding up with the beautiful ninja.

"That's right. After I broke up with him, he left for Japan." The other Kim then shook her head. "I told Shego he was too random so of course he goes off to Yamanuchi and becomes Mr. Discipline."

"Authors," they both said before the other Kim called jinx.

Kim stared at her doppelganger in wide-eyed disbelief. She never lost the jinx game (with the exception of that one time Eric got the drop on her but he was a synthodrone and she was besotted and she decided not to think about that any longer because she could feel her blood pressure rising.)

Seeing Kim's consternation, her double said helpfully, "I'm older, so I have more experience."

"Fair enough," Kim said. "So, what do I owe you?"

The other Kim locked eyes with her. "Ron."

III.

Ron still couldn't believe he was talking to an older version of himself. Sitting across from him was his doppelganger, dressed in a suit, sporting a goatee, wearing surprisingly stylish glasses to correct for astigmatism, and looking as tired as one would expect an overworked corporate executive who served as the right-hand man of the CEO of the world's largest big box store discount chain.

"Man, and to think I was psyched when I was put in charge of the pet department. You're practically running the whole show! Badical!"

"Badical denied," the other Ron said.

"What do you mean? You've got it all: corner office, company jet, all the Vienna sausage you can eat. You're Mr. Smarty's main man."

"Yeah, but I'm also Bonnie's husband."

"Oh, yeah, forgot about it," Ron said apologetically.

"I'm glad one of us could," the other Ron sighed. "Man, I still don't know why I fell for her. If only I hadn't messed up with Kim."

"I still can't believe you let that happen. She's the best thing that ever happened to us!"

"Dude, I know. But Kim was kind of shaken up after the whole Lorwardian thing and was having trouble with me being the Monkey Master."

"I remember that. Rufus – or was it Felix? Oh, wait, it was Dad – told me to step back and let her shine, which I did. It wasn't long before KP regained her confidence and Team Possible was bigger and better than ever."

"Unfortunately, this Ronster's advice came from Bon-Bon, who convinced me that my KP, who was feeling really insecure, was jealous and trying to hold me back. I should've realized that she was angry because Junior had dumped her and decided that if she was alone, Kim should be, too."

"Man, that tanks."

"Not as much as me buying what she had to sell. Did I let her play me. I still don't know why I listened to her."

"Two words, my man: Au-thor."

"Uh, that's one."

Ron considered that for a moment. "Okay, you're right. But you get this Ronman's drift."

The other Ron nodded. "I do. And thanks to the author, Kim's with Mankey and they're like all happy and I don't want to come between them because I hurt her before."

"So why'd you want to see me? I know I'm a master of love and all that but if your Kim isn't available …" Understanding dawned on Ron. "No. No way. You are not dating my KP."

The other Ron held out his hands in a placatory gesture. "Dude, don't worry. I don't want to. Well, I do, but I know your Kim's taken and, besides, she's too young for me."

"Then if you can't have your Kim and you don't want my Kim, then what do you want?"

"_Captain Constellation_, Episode 203: Cracked Mirrors."

"You want a TV epi—wait a minute. Isn't that the episode where Captain Constellation learns that there are all sorts of mirror universes?"

"Exactly. Just like there are for us."

"So all we have to do is find a universe with a Kim who's looking for some Ronshine."

"Exactimundo."

IV.

"So not happening," Kim said flatly.

"Not your Ron," the other Kim said.

"My bad. So, you want me to help you get back together with your Ron?"

The other Kim sagged. "If only."

"Okay, now I'm confused. If you don't want my Ron and you don't want to get back together with your Ron …"

"It's not that I don't want to get back together with my Ron; I miss him so much and I hate being with Shego. All we have is the hot martial arts sex and empty banter. It's just that he's—"

"Now living in Japan with Yori, and he's happy, and you don't want to break them up," Kim supplied.

"Exactly. I really hurt him when I ended things with him. It took him a long time to find some happiness and I so won't take that away from him."

"Well, the only other Ron I know is ferociously happy with his Kim. Unless …"

The other Kim's eyes opened wide with hope.

Kim rose from her seat. "Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

"Smarty Mart."

_To Be Concluded Sooner or Later …_


	28. So Almost The Finale

Thanks to Comet Moon, Mr. Wizard, screaming phoenix, JCS1966, Eddy13, Quathis, Katsumara, Mahler Avatar, Sentinel103, Jason Barnett, CajunBear73, whitem, airwalker999, Molloy, and campy for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

Leave a review and I'll send a response.

KP © Disney

* * *

"And we're at Smarty Mart why?" the other Kim asked.

"You'll see," Kim said as she led her doppelganger through the store. The two redheads walked past livestock, jetpacks, pets, and canned Vienna sausage before they arrived at their destination. Kim smiled while her double tried to take in the sight before her.

"Kim, meet Ron and Ron. Ron and Ron, meet Kim."

"Hola!" Ron said.

"Hi," the other Kim said nervously, her gaze locked on the older of the two Stoppables sitting before her.

"Uh, hi," the other Ron replied as he rose to his feet. Rubbing the back of his neck he added, "the short hair looks good on you."

"Thanks," she said, nervously tucking one foot behind the other. "The beard's spankin'."

"Ron, I think we should see if they have any accessories for Rufus," Kim said.

"Accessories?" a befuddled Ron responded. "He's naked and proud of it …"

Kim glared at her BF.

"Ooooh!" he said as he realized what his GF was up to. "The Ron-man's all about accessories for his little buddy."

Kim rolled her eyes, gave Ron an indulgent smile, then led him away.

The two doppelgangers stood in silence for what seemed a clichéd eternity before they both blurted out, "I'm sorry!"

"Jinx!" the other Kim called out instinctively.

The other Ron grinned. "Man, have I missed that. So, what do I owe you?"

She took his hands in hers. "The opportunity to apologize."

"For what? I'm the one who was a jerk! You haven't done anything!"

"Not to you, but I need to do this."

"Okay, on one condition. I get to do the same."

"Deal."

The other Kim began speaking, slowly at first, then at a staccato pace the other Ron remembered all too well. He listened intently, and as she spoke of the confusion she experienced as she grappled with her sexual identity, and how that turmoil affected all of her relationships, especially the one she had with him, he pulled her into a supportive embrace. She told him how she hated the way she had left him for Shego, for the things she had said and done to him, how relieved she was to be with him.

"Don't count your chickens before they bark, KP," he said.

She smirked at the Ronnism. "Why?"

"Because the Ron you left may have been a stand-up guy but this Rondo has not always lived up to the Stoppable name." Uneasily, he explained how he let fame go to his head, how he'd let himself be sweet-talked by Bonnie, and focused on being Mr. Smarty's right hand man and a player instead of supporting Kim as she adjusted to life post-Graduation and continuing with Team Possible. "Bottom line, Kimbo: The Ronman is a jerk."

The other Kim cupped the other Ron's cheeks in her hands. "You sound like a jerk who doesn't want to be a jerk," she said encouragingly.

"Yeah, though it's hard breaking out of character, even when it's out of character. I've been written this way for so long and I don't want to hurt you."

"I know what you mean. But you're still my Potential Boy and I can still do anything, so …"

She looked at him invitingly. Their hearts began to race and they started to bring their lips together.

"No! No, you cannot do this!"

The two star-crossed characters sighed and looked to the source of the interruption: a goatee-sporting guy with too-hip glasses and a collarless shirt. Kim grimaced.

"You know this guy, KP?" the other Ron asked.

"Ron, meet my author. Author, meet Ron."

"This is not Ron," the guy said.

The other Ron looked down at himself. "What do you mean? Of course I'm Ron."

"Not in her universe, you're not. Come on," he said, grabbing the other Kim by the arm. "Shego's expecting you. It's your anniversary and you promised you'd play cops and robbers with her. You know how much she likes to be arrested."

"You role play?" an astonished other Ron asked.

The other Kim blushed.

"Yeah, she does," a familiar snarky voice answered. "Problem is, she'd rather be doing it with you. Any moron knows that."

"Shego?" the other Kim said in surprise.

"Hello, Pumpkin."

"What are you doing here?" the guy demanded.

"When Kimmie went missing, I went looking. Found my way to wherever we are. Along the way, a funny thing happened: I acquired consciousness. Don't know how, don't know why, but I tapped into the original me and realized that what I want is Drakken, not Miss Priss. Only problem is, you messed things up for Doctor D and me big time."

Seeing the look of confusion on the other Ron's face, the other Kim offered an explanation: "After Graduation, Drakken asked Shego on a date; she said no."

"So? When did failure ever stop Drakken?"

"I turned him down in front of the entire United Nations," the other Shego said.

"During a global telecast," the other Kim added.

"Ouch." The other Ron winced.

"Drakken wound up with Electronique."

"Harsh," the other Ron said.

"Don't you know it," Shego said. "Being dissed by me was bad enough, but winding up married to Electrolady? It makes me wanna barf."

"You were happy enough at the wedding!" the guy snapped.

"Only because you made me that way!"

"Exactly. You're who I say you are. And so is Kim!"

"Dude, you've got some serious control issues," the other Ron said.

"That's it. Kim, Shego, we're out of here. Now!"

"Sorry, so not happening," the other Kim said defiantly.

"What are you going to do? In case you haven't figured it out, you can't go to his universe. You planning on staying here in a Pan-Dimensional Smarty Mart?"

"It's better than living in your Sapphoerotic storyline," she countered.

"You can't do this!" the guy protested. "I have fans!"

"You mean fantasies," the other Shego gibed.

"That's it," he said, whipping out his laptop. "You two are going to start lip smacking. Now."

The other Kim puckered her lips – and defiantly planted a big kiss on the other Ron.

"This can't be happening! You're gay!"

"Bi, actually," the other Kim said serenely. "You forgot the times I kissed – or wanted to kiss – boys in the show and clearly enjoyed myself."

The author sputtered.

"Why don't you take your daydreams and your laptop and go home," the other Shego said sweetly. "Before I fry you," she added as she fired up her glow power.

"You think you're all that, but you'll see! If it's not me, there will be others. You two will be together, whether you like it or not!"

"Maybe, but at least everyone will know who we really want to be with," the other Kim said as she wrapped her arm around the other Ron's waist.

The guy glowered at the characters, then stormed out of the store.

"Well, that was bizarro," the other Ron said.

"Understatement much?" the other Kim said.

An uneasy silence fell on the threesome.

"So, uh, do you two need to, uh, talk?" the other Ron asked.

"Nah," the other Shego said. "There's not much to say."

"That's not true," the other Kim said. "Thanks for having my back. I owe you one."

"Yeah, you do," the other Shego said. "And you can start by finding me a Drakken."

The other Kim looked at her Ron inquiringly. "Sorry, KP, but in my 'verse Drakken and Shego are married with kids."

"Kids?" the other Shego asked, a touch of wonder and definite envy in her voice.

"Yeah, a boy and a girl," the other Ron answered. "One's blue, the other's green, and they're both a handful!"

The other Shego bit her lip, then turned away. "I'm sorry," the other Kim said sympathetically

"Don't be," the other Shego said bitterly. "Now why don't you and Stoppable just go and be sickeningly lovey-dovey."

"Not until we find you a Drakken," Kim declared.

Ron gulped. "And while we're at it, maybe you ought to find me a really good divorce lawyer."

"Excuse me?"

"Ron Stoppable, you are so dead!" Bonnie Rockwaller Stoppable yelled from the end of the aisle.

_To Be Concluded …_


	29. So Not Quite Yet The Finale

My thanks to Quathis, Mr. Wizard, CajunBear73, whitem, Eddy13, Sentinel103, Katsumara, Comet Moon, JCS1966, Fortress Maximus, screaming phoenix, Guns Knives and Napalm, campy, Pinky Jo Curlytail, Mahler Avatar, Jillie Rose, Molloy, Joe Stoppinghem, and RonHeartbreaker for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy (or is it the Other Campy?) for proofreading this chapter.

Leave a review and I'll send a reply

KP © Disney

* * *

A/N: My apologies for taking so long to update the story. Hopefully, the next chapter won't be so long in coming – though I make no promises …

* * *

"Oo! Oo! Kim! Look at this," Ron exclaimed as they made their way down Aisle 62. "A pan-dimensional _Zombie Mayhem_ expansion pack!"

"No time for zombies, Ron, we need to get our heads in the game."

"But that's the whole point of—"

Kim cupped Ron's face in her hands and pivoted his head.

His eyes opened wide. "Whoa."

"So whoa," she agreed.

There, before them, were the other Kim, the other Ron, the other Shego, and, now joining the trio, dressed in very expensive Coco Banana originals and benefiting from even more expensive cosmetic surgical procedures, the other Ron's Bonnie Rockwaller.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" the other Ron's Bonnie demanded of the other Ron.

"Uh, looking for toe fungus ointment?" the other Ron offered weakly.

"Ewwww," everyone else chorused.

"Looks like Monkey Boy is hooking up with the Princess," the other Shego suggested provocatively.

"Hi B," the other Kim said, not bothering to let go of the other Ron's hand.

"Hands off Stoppable, Possible," the other Ron's Bonnie snarled. "He and his money are mine."

The other Kim looked at the other Ron inquisitively.

"Uh, you remember my naco royalties?" he asked.

The other Kim nodded.

"Chump change compared to what's in the Rondo's bank account."

"Nicely done, Potential Boy."

The other Ron shrugged. "Congratulate my author. He decided that I didn't really spend all of my royalties, that somehow my Dad got his hands on the rest and invested it for me."

"Man, why do the make-believe Rons get to have all the Claude?" Ron groused.

"You've got me," Kim said.

"Yeah, I guess I do," Ron said, taking his GF's hands, his appropriately romantic response showing that he had indeed learned from their little adventures.

"If you want a Stoppable, why don't you take that one?" the other Bonnie suggested to the other Kim.

"Sorry, this one's taken," Kim said.

"Hey, any possibility you've got a spare Drakken in your universe?" the other Shego asked.

"Sorry. He's with you," Kim said before she corrected herself. "I mean our Shego."

"Snap," Shego grumbled.

"Okay," Ron said, "Just in case Kim is having trouble following what's going on—"

Two redheads glowered at one tow-headed teen.

"Okay, I'm lost," Ron confessed. "Can somebody tell me what's going down?"

With the timing of a story making full use of every narrative cliché and before anyone could answer, an explosion rocked the store, enabling a dramatic entrance by none other than a wild-eyed Dee Lusional.

"I'm gonna guess that this is not a good plot development," Ron observed.

"Undestatement much?" Kim observed.

"Uh, why is she wearing a sheet?" he asked.

"It's not a sheet, you dim-witted, unworthy dolt," Dee snapped. "It's a stola."

"You stole a sheet?" Ron said.

Dee gritted her teeth as her left eye began to twitch.

"Ron, after all the time you've spent playing _Roman Mayhem 2_, you should know that a stola is a kind of dress," Kim said.

"Sorry, KP, but if it doesn't slash or smash, it hasn't got pointage."

Kim rolled her eyes. Then she looked inquisitively at Dee. "Just why are you dressed that way?"

Dee whipped out the Chronos Cannon and pointed it at Ron. "I had it all planned out. I was going to go back to 1982 and make sure his parents never met. Then all would have been as it was meant to be and you would have been with Shego. Unfortunately, the voice-activated control is very literal-minded and when I said "I'm off to '82 …"

"You went back to the first century," Kim supplied.

"Exactly. Which is where I'm sending him. That way, you and Shego can get together."

"Been there," the other Kim said.

"Done that," the other Shego added.

"You – you're together? In love?" Dee asked in wonder.

"Together," Kim said wearily.

"But in love? Not so much," Shego added.

"What do you mean?" the crestfallen villain asked.

"I want to be with Ron," the other Kim said.

"And I'm looking for Doctor D," the other Shego said.

"No! No!" Dee yelled. "You're gay!"

"Bi," the other Kim and the other Shego said in unison.

"Jinx," the other Kim said. "You owe me a facial."

"Sorry, Princess. I'm done with the jinx. You want a facial, talk to your new boy toy."

"No problemo, KP," the other Ron said. "I can even get you the employee discount at the Smarty Mart Spa and Auto Lube!"

"Spankin'," the other Kim said without much enthusiasm.

"Wait!" Dee chimed in. "I'll fix everything!"

"You can find Drew?" the other Shego asked.

"No, I can make sure you and Kim are attracted to each other again," she said as she fumbled in the folds of her stola and withdrew another ray gun.

"I so don't think so," the other Kim said as she spun on her heel and kicked the weapon from Dee's hand.

"But I do," a male voice said.

The two Kims, the two Rons, the other Shego, and the other Bonnie spun around.

"The Sons of Sappho," Kim hissed.

"At your service," The Academic said.

"Who are these guys?" the other Kim asked.

"So-called authors," Ron said dismissively, using air quotes to make his point.

"They like to write stories pairing us with other women," Kim explained.

"Trifecta!" College Boy said as he appeared behind the Professor and saw who was present. "I'm all about the Kim-Shego-Bonnie goodness."

"Me? With Kim?" an appalled Bonnie reacted. "She's a girl!"

"Cool, huh?" College Boy asked.

"But I don't like women!"

"You don't like anyone," the other Ron muttered. "_Softer Side of Snark_ my naco …"

"I heard that!" the other Bonnie snapped. "You just wait—"

_Beep-beep-be-beep_

"Man, saved by the bell," both Rons said.

Both Kims looked at their wrists. The call was for the younger of the two.

"What's the sitch, Wade?" Kim asked.

"I'm reading massive chronometric instability in your vicinity," Team Possible's tech genius said.

"Does that mean we're going to get time cooties?" Ron asked.

"Ron," Kim chided.

"Actually, you probably will," Wade answered.

"Aw man. We're not gonna get itchy, are we?" the other Ron asked.

"Most likely," Wade said. "You may also get an upset stomach."

"How upset?" Ron asked.

"Imagine listening to Professor Dementor and Frugal Lucre performing 'Ebony and Ivory'."

"That is sick and wrong!"

"Can we focus on the instability sitch?" Kim asked impatiently, wanting to get down to business (and also wanting to drive away the image of the two villains attempting to sing).

"Sorry," Wade said. "There appears to be a breach between your current time stream and—"

"First century Rome's?" Kim suggested.

"Uh, yeah. How did you know that?"

"I have my sources," Kim said as she looked over at Dee, who was once again pointing the Sappho Ray at her. "Is there anything you can do?"

"I'm working to close the breach."

"Hey, Nerdlinger," Shego interjected, "You think while you're doing that you can run a multi-dimensional scan?"

"I don't see why not," Wade said. "Why?"

"She wants you to find her a Drakken," Ron said. "And while you're at it, see if you can find Bon-Bon here a suitable doormat …"

The brunette glowered at him.

"… Uh, husband."

"Just make sure he's rich, dumb, and, like, totally pliable," she demanded.

"I'll see what I can find on the Junior front," Wade sighed. "Anything else?"

Kim looked sympathetically at the other Ron and the other Kim.

"We're going to need a pan-dimensional divorce lawyer," she said.

"Gotcha," Wade said.

"You rock," Kim replied before she ended the call. She turned when Ron tapped her on the shoulder.

"Uh, KP, I know I earned a Gentleman's C in science, but would I be right in thinking that's some seriously not-so-good physics going on?"

Kim turned to see the air before them shimmering and rippling. Then it began to eddy and whirl, creating a vortex. Moments later a large, buff figure emerged. "Oh, great," the teen hero groaned. "Not you."

"Possible," acknowledged the Rongolem™ in his accustomed way-too-cool-for-you tone.

"Dude, what's with the role playing?" Ron asked. The Rongolem™ was wearing the garb of a first century gladiator (along with his familiar look of disdain).

"I'm not role-playing, you buffoon. I am Ronicus, the most dangerous warrior in first century Rome."

"You are neither Ronicus nor are you the most dangerous warrior in first century Rome …"

Kim and Ron turned to see a young woman wearing a hoplite's helmet, bronze cuirass and intricately hammered greaves step forth from the vortex.

"… That name and the title belong to my beloved."

"Ronicus, in the flesh," a young man who bore an uncanny resemblance to Ron Stoppable announced as he joined the young woman. "Though I still think you're the most dangerous warrior in Rome, KV. You're definitely the most beautiful."

"I think I shall keep you around," she said warmly as she took his hand.

"Man, this is getting kooky," Ron said to Kim.

"You think?" she responded. She surveyed the scene before them, then sighed. "This is so the drama."

_To Be Concluded (I Think)_ ...


	30. So The Finale

Thanks to JCS1966, Eddy13, Katsumara, Quathis, campy, screaming phoenix, CajunBear73, whitem, and Mr. Wizard for reviewing and to everyone for reading.

Special thanks to campy for proofreading this chapter.

KP © Disney; original characters © the author; the Flavians belong to history.

Leave a review and I'll send you a reply.

* * *

It had been a hard-fought battle, but sixteen kinds of kung fu and mystical monkey power ultimately came up short against QWERTY keyboards; the forces of sick and wrongness, armed with their canon-denying laptops, had prevailed.

College Boy and his fellow slash aficionados looked on approvingly (okay, leered) as Kimberlivenda and the Other Bonnie smacked lips (albeit only in the interest of plot development).

The Rongolem™ and his Ronboys nodded in satisfaction as Ronicus looked at the Other Kim with barely concealed macho contempt as she simpered adoringly at his feet.

Everybody turned away as Ron and Hank Perkins, who'd figured he could make a fortune as a pan-dimensional divorce lawyer and had arrived on the scene just in time to be zapped by Dee, whispered sweet nothings to each other as they shared a grande-sized Slurpster.

Kim, meanwhile, wandered around doe-eyed, her heart afire with Sapphic love, looking for the Other Shego. The Other Ron, too, had it bad for the glamorous henchwoman, though he was soon distracted by a special on Pop Pop Porter's chili cheddar cheese corn dogs.

The Other Shego, though, wasn't interested in either of them and had gone into hiding in Aisle 64 (black leather boots and discount rocket parts). She felt no attraction to Stoppable, even if this version was supposedly as rich as Martin Smarty. And while it was one thing to have a fling with the Other Kim, who was older, jaded, and basically Out Of Character, the idea of any involvement with an unaltered, in-character Kim Possible was as appealing to the henchwoman as listening to Doctor D's inane stories about his childhood.

Not that she wouldn't gladly do that right now if it meant getting out of this incredibly whacked situation. Unfortunately, to do that, she'd need to talk with Nerdlinger. And the only way to do that was to get hold of Princess's Kimmunicator. Shego peeked out of her refuge and surveyed the scene.

The Kim from her reality was currently wrapped around the ankles of the Roman Ron, who right now reminded her of Zorpox, but without the blue skin and manic laugh.

That left the Kim who was looking for her.

Shego sighed and reluctantly emerged from her hiding place. Hopefully, she could get this over with quickly. She just wanted to get everyone back to being themselves, find a Drakken of her own, kick Dee's biscuit across a dimension or two, and then do a little mayhem, maybe jack some tech, and have Midas give her a massage.

"Yo, Kimmie," she called out.

Kim whirled. "Shego!" she squealed in delight. "I've been looking everywhere for you!" With the demeanor of an eager puppy dog running to its owner, the auburn-haired teen hero scampered over to the green-hued villainess and threw her arms around her. "I'm so yours!" Kim enthused.

"Woo hoo. Extra hoo," the Other Shego replied flatly.

Kim couldn't help but pick up on the Other Shego's distinct lack of enthusiasm. She pouted. "Don't you want to help me find my inner Bad Girl and embrace my submissive side?"

"No, not really, Princess. What I want is this," Shego said as she grabbed Kim's wrist and yanked off the Kimmunicator. For good measure, she put the younger woman into a Half Nelson.

"Hey!" Kim protested.

"Sorry, Kimmie, but when you're once again taking evil names and making out with the buffoon, you'll thank me."

"Kiss Ron? Gorchy! He's such a loser!" the author-controlled teen declared.

"You tell him, Kim," an unwelcome voice said encouragingly.

Shego turned to see a grinning Dee, who was aiming the Sappho Ray at her. "Oy," she groaned.

"Get ready for some lesbian loving," Dee said cheerfully.

"Forget about it," Shego shot back.

That was not the reaction Dee had been expecting.

"Why? Has your knight in shining armor showed up?" Dee asked derisively.

"Not quite. But he'll do," Shego answered – as she spoke, the vortex that had brought Dee, Kimberlivenda, Ronicus, and the Rongolem™ to the Pan-Dimensional Smarty Mart delivered a blue-skinned man driving a quadriga.

"_Ave! _It is I! Drakkus Maximus!" he declared grandly before adding amiably, "But you can all call me _Imperator_."

"I think not," countered the figure that emerged in his wake.

Drakkus Maximus' left eye twitched. "Eep."

"The race is over, you two-_denarius_ impostor of a Druid," declared the Master of the Known World.

"_Mater_," Drakkus squeaked.

"Actually, _Imperator _Titus Caesar Vespasianus Augustus. Though right now you might be tempted to call me _deus ex machina_," Titus said as his imperial attention turned to Shego. "And you would be?"

"Shego," she replied with studied indifference though she was impressed when Titus ambled over and insouciantly knocked the Sappho Ray out of Dee's hand.

"A pleasure to meet you," he said, taking her hand. "Perhaps you could tell me what's going on?"

"And could you let me go?" Kim added, using a puppy dog pout. "Pweeze?"

Shego released Kim, and then used an alien nerve pinch picked up from an AU crossover story to knock her out when the teen tried to glomp her.

"Impressive," Titus said as the redhead crumpled to the floor.

"I've been around," Shego said before she filled Titus in on the state of things.

His countenance turned dark when he set eyes on his friends Kimberlivenda and Ronicus. "This will not do."

"No, it won't," Kim said.

The Other Shego spun around and dropped into a defensive crouch to ward off any more hugs from Kim. She relaxed when she noticed the set of the teen hero's jaw – and the laptop computer she was wielding.

"You wouldn't dare!" Dee protested.

"Give it up, Possible," the Rongolem™ snarled.

"Hey, how about a foursome?" College Boy chimed in.

The Academic noticed the dangerous glint in Kim's eyes. "Ignore him," he said. For good measure, he roughly elbowed his fellow slash fan in the gut.

"I could do that," Kim said. "Or I could give him – and the rest of you – a taste of your own medicine."

"And they said I was evil," the Other Shego observed.

Kim's shoulders sagged. Her double's nemesis-turned-lover-turned-ex was right: as tempting as it was and as just as it seemed, altering the authors' personalities just because they had messed with hers would be evil.

Seeing her reaction, the Other Shego added, "Not that evil's bad, Pumpkin," grabbed the laptop, and began typing.

"Shego!" Kim protested.

"Hey, you do your thing, I do mine. Besides, you really want to watch your dorky boyfriend making passes at Perkins?"

Kim looked over at Ron and Hank, who were giggling and blushing like schoolgirls. "Type," she growled. "Fast."

The Other Shego readily complied; it wasn't long before the Professor and College Boy had lost all interest in slash pairings involving Kim and Company – they were too busy being infatuated with one another.

"I've never been attracted to another guy," the Professor admitted as he took College Boy's hand in his and stroked it gently. "My fiancée will sure be surprised!"

"Though not as surprised as me," College Boy said as he looked in wonder at his swelling belly. "We're going to be parents! This so totally awesome!"

The Rongolem™ found he had a softer side and began to scan the store, desperately looking for Jane Austen novels. The Ronboys followed his lead.

Dee, meanwhile, found herself entranced by the simulacra's broad shoulders, his clichéd deep brown chocolate eyes, and the cowlick that had suddenly sprung up on the back of his thick head. "Oh, Rongolempoo™ …" she trilled.

The Other Shego, having neutralized the threat, turned her attention to her ex. A few moments later, the Other Kim had let go of Ronicus and was rubbing her temples. "This is so embarrassing …"

Ronicus, newly returned to his senses, gulped. "Sorry 'bout the level exe eye eye rudeness, KV look-a-like." Then he ran over to Kimberlivenda, who had just come out of her author-controlled state.

"KV! I didn't mean to be mean to you. I mean her. I mean … You have to believe me!" he babbled.

She smiled and put a finger up to his lips. "I understand," she said warmly, losing herself in the moment of reunion until a rude voice ruined the moment.

"Ugh," the Other Bonnie said with disgust. "I so cannot believe I was kissing you."

Kimberlivenda's smile disappeared. "Nor I you," she said with distaste. "That was most foul magic we were subjected to."

Ron and Hank shared an uneasy look. "We'll just pretend this never happened," the lawyer suggested.

"Sounds good to me, dude," the tow-headed teen said.

Then, just to be safe, they proved their manly bona fides by belching and pounding their chests. That done, Ron made his way to Kim.

"You okay, KP?" he asked as they embraced.

"I am now," she said.

"So, like, how much does a pan-dimensional divorce attorney make in a year?" the Other Bonnie asked Hank.

"Before or after I fleece your soon-to-be-ex-husband over there?" Hank retorted as he pointed towards the Other Ron.

The Other Bonnie grinned wickedly. "I think you'll be acceptable."

Kim and Ron looked around and saw that the Other Kim and the Other Ron were also holding one another.

"So, you think you'll still be interested in me after Bon-Bon shakes me down for everything in my bank account?" the Other Ron asked.

"You'll still have me," the Other Kim said.

"Coolio," the Other Ron said as he leaned in for a kiss.

Shego patted Titus Caesar gently on the shoulder. "You're not bad, but I've got a thing for guys in blue," she said as she hopped into Drakkus Maximus' quadriga. Then, looking at Kimberlivenda and Ronicus she jeered, "Later, losers!"

"Come, Ronicus!" Kimberlivenda said with urgency as Drakkus Maximus snapped the reins and guided his horse to the vortex through which he'd arrived. "We must not let them escape!"

"I'm right behind you, KV!"

"And as much as I would like to stay, I am sure the palace freedman are at loose ends wondering where I am," Titus added.

"WAIT!"

Everyone turned. Striding down the aisle and right in front of the vortex was none other than Jimmy Blamhammer.

"That WAS AMAZING!" the movie mogul boomed. "INCREDIBLE!"

Following behind him were Bonnie, Larry, and Rufus.

"Uh, excuse me," Drakkus Maximus said. "But we're in a hurry. Evil to do, empire to conquer, mother to see."

"And miss the big number? You must be INSANE!"

"Well, I am a mad druid …"

"Hoo boy," Rufus said.

The Other Shego rolled her eyes – and then grinned. Drakken was Drakken in any historical period and she wouldn't have it any other way.

"Eeeeee! My love!" a pampered voice squealed.

Bonnie turned. Her countenance brightened when she saw her billionaire beau. "Junior!" Much to her surprise, he ran right past and over to Jimmy, from whom he grabbed the mogul's mePhone5.

"All of the movers and shakers and show biz star makers in one place!" he cooed.

"Junior!" Bonnie fumed.

"Yes, my love?" he asked obliviously.

"I'm still available," Larry suggested as he adjusted his glasses.

"Is your father one of the five richest men in the world with his own private island?" she asked.

"No, but I do have preferred seating at all role play competitions."

Bonnie flipped her hair. "While the mission thing was real, I don't think so."

Larry nodded, in understanding, and sighed. "Just make sure he buys you some bling."

Bonnie appraised Larry thoughtfully, then extended her hand. "Friends?"

"Why not?" he said with a shrug. He kept a stiff upper lip as Bonnie made her way to her dim-witted paramour. The gamer was lost in his thoughts of what might have been when someone tapped him on the shoulder. The last person he expected to see was a trim blonde with a freakishly high IQ, supercilious expression, and a small robot.

"Justine?"

"Hi," she said shyly, her confidence abandoning her. Quantum mechanics was one thing; guys another. "I was wondering if you were free this Saturday?"

"Are you asking me out on a date?" he said, surprised. He didn't have much, indeed any, experience with women asking him out.

"Yes, I believe that's what it's called," she said with her accustomed condescension, which she immediately regretted.

"Wow!" he said enthusiastically, much to her relief. "This is going to be great! It'll be even better than the role play birthday party Cousin Kim arranged for me!" He then snorted.

Justine seemed flustered. She wasn't used to having this effect on men. She didn't need her immense intellect to conclude this was something she could live with.

"What would you like to do?" Larry asked eagerly.

Justine quirked an eyebrow, then boldly asked, "Are you ready to rumble?"

Larry suddenly found himself having trouble breathing. He tugged at his collar and shuffled his feet. Finally, he screwed up the courage to offer a reply. But before he could actually say anything, the Yono strode into the middle of the crowd. "Enough! The Yono will sing!"

"I so hope we don't have to sing back up again," Kim grumbled.

"Hey, what could be worse than 'Edelweiss'?" Ron asked.

The answer came when the store lights dimmed and a disco ball dropped from the ceiling. The Yono, who moments earlier had been wearing his purple robe, was now wearing a three-piece white suit. Then he looked at Kim and Ron.

"Is that a good look or a bad look?" Ron asked.

"When is a look from a dark destroyer a good thing?" Kim replied, her tone offering the answer to her question.

"Hey, a guy can always hope," he said weakly. His hopes were dashed when the Yono snapped his fingers and left him wearing a costume similar to that of the Dark Destroyer's.

While Kim thought Ron looked cute (the 70s sideburns accentuated his ears) she couldn't help but shudder as she considered the amount of polyester he was wearing. Thoughts about man-made fibers were banished the moment she found herself with ridiculously big hair, hoop earrings, platform boots, and a miniskirt. "This is such the fashion disaster," she said.

"I don't know," Ron said. "I'm kind of liking your groovy gorgeousosity."

Kim offered him a fond smirk. "I think I'll keep you around," she said as she took his hand in hers.

"You two are such losers!" Bonnie said maliciously – just in time for her wardrobe and hair to be transformed. She now had an Afro, shiny gogo boots and a top and bell bottom pants that were made of materials wholly unknown to nature. "This is so unfair!" she groused.

Junior looked crestfallen. "I know."

"Thanks," she said with gratitude.

"This business we call show," he sighed. "I do not understand why Ron Stoppable gets to be in the big musical number and I do not!"

The Yono glared at Junior, then snapped his fingers. Now Junior, too, was dressed in a white three-piece suit with black shirt. "Oh, thank you Mister Evil Monkey Guy Person!"

The surly simian grunted and snapped his fingers yet again. Everybody present was now sporting fashions from a decade best forgotten.

"Now, we rock," he ordered and music began playing.

ABBA, to be exact.

Specifically, "Dancing Queen."

The Yono began singing, off-key.

_See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen_

_Friday night and the lights are low  
Looking out for the place to go  
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing  
You come in to look for a king  
Anybody could be that guy  
Night is young and the music's high  
With a bit of rock music, everything is fine  
You__'__re in the mood for a dance  
And when you get the chance...  
_

The Dark Destroyer then glowered at his backup singers, who joined in with alacrity and much gusto.

_You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen  
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine  
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life  
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen  
_

The Yono resumed singing solo.

_You__'__re a teaser, you turn 'em on  
Leave them burning and then you__'__re gone  
Looking out for another, anyone will do  
You__'__re in the mood for a dance  
And when you get the chance...  
_

The backup singers then repeated the refrain.

_You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen  
Dancing queen, feel the beat from the tambourine  
You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life  
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the dancing queen_

"Word," the Yono concluded. He pumped his fist with vigor and bowed his head. Then he stalked off the stage.

Silence descended over the stunned group until Junior broke into overly enthusiastic applause. Bonnie responded by swatting his arm and dragging him off stage, muttering something about maxing out his MeisterCharge Plutonium card. The Other Ron and the Other Kim made plans for their new story universe called "Second Chances" while the Other Bonnie had her Hank draw up divorce papers. Drakkus Maximus and the Other Shego bolted through the vortex and into the First Century with Kimberlivenda, Ronicus, and Titus Caesar in hot pursuit. And Jimmy Blamhammer tapped his head and began talking with his production people about his next big project, "Terminated with Extremely Extreme Prejudice III."

"So, does this qualify as a happy ending?" Ron asked Kim as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

Kim responded by leaning into her boyfriend. "Weird happy ending," she answered as she made to kiss him.

Naturally, that was when her Kimmunicator went off and his pants fell down.

_The End._

* * *

CAST

Kim Possible … Kim Possible

Ron Stoppable … Ron Stoppable

Rufus … George Clooney

Wade Load … Wade Load

WRITTEN BY

MrDrP

SPECIAL GUEST WRITER

Mr. Wizard

SPECIAL GUEST GUEST WRITER

Molloy

PROOFREADER AND ALL-AROUND NICE GUY

Campy

No naked mole rats or giant wiener dogs were injured in the production of this story. Clichés and fan-fiction tropes are a different matter.


End file.
